WIF Classifieds Submit Classifeds to classifieds at othereditor@yahoo.ca Students advertise for free! For free student classifieds up to 30 words, email: _ othereditor@yahoo.ca with your name, student number, and desired section,-and put “classi- fied” in the subject line. Fast Cash Ads: 3 lines, 3 times for $20 (30 words max). Open rate of $5 per line. Enquiries: call our advertising manager at 604.525.3542. Pictures Classified pictures are $10 each printing. The picture size is 3.5cem x 2.5cm, black and white. When placing an ad please remember... : All ads must be received by Thursday to be published in the following Wednesday’s paper. Check your ad for errors and please call or email our offices to report any corrections. To ensure the integrity of our stu- dent newspaper, we reserve the right to revise, reclassify, edit, or refuse your ad. For Sale Two 128MB Memory Modules 184PIN DDR PC2100 DIMM With original packages. A Steal at $45! 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Call cs Se ee a 604.731.4552 ext. 224, or visit : www.optionsforsexualhealth.com. o OXFORD a EMO NARS 780-428-8700 | 1-800-779-1779 www.oxfordseminars.com Last Call Amanda Aikman, OP Columnist Hello, everyone. I trust you’ve all recovered from Valentine’s Day by now. What’s that? Some of you haven’t? Let me guess—you're bitter? You’ve been burned? You’re looking for revenge? Well, you’ve come to the right place. Recently, I was reminded of an unfortunate experience from my past involving unwanted correspondence from multitudes of inmates. Now, while that anecdote may seem like a complete non sequitur, trust me, it’s related. You see, it struck me that if I ever need to seek revenge (in a cowardly and passive- aggressive manner, of course), I would totally forward the mailing address of my revenge target to every prisoner pen-pal site on the Internet. In my case, my information was not provided by a thwarted lover or betrayed friend, but it was provided by my worst enemy— myself. It was back in the early days of my Internet experience. I was living in my parents’ home and suddenly presented with a lot of free time and free Internet access. So, natural- ly, I figured it was the perfect opportunity to hook up with convicted rapists. Just kidding. Actually, in my naiveté, I signed up for a bunch of pen-pal sites (listing my complete home mailing address as well as email address) in the hopes of meeting interesting, like-minded young people from all over the world. Ideally, a cute, single, well- read, Gabriel-Byrne type with impeccable taste in music, who would fall madly in love with me and whisk me away to spend the rest of our days together in his pub/chocolate shoppe on the coast of Ireland. But no Irish lads ever came a’knockin. Just lots and lots of creepy, incarcerated American guys with frightful spelling skills, bearing frightful self-portraits rendered in faded pencil oh crumpled looseleaf. Every day seemed to bring increasing amounts of increasingly disturbing mail, not to mention increasingly nervous looks from our postal carrier. Some of the letters included really bad poetry. Some of them included really bad photographs. And a large portion of them included references to how the writer had “found the Lord.” Apparently, lots of convicted felons find the Lord in jail, probably because there’s less room for the Big Guy to hide in those little cells. The whole situation was very embarrassing. I tried to remove my name from whatever mailing lists I had signed up for, but it was useless. My siblings found it véry amusing, and my mother was mortified that the neighbours would find out and think I was a member of that particularly crazy strain of white trash that would happily let their young daughter. swap love notes with not only strangers, but convicted stangers. Fortunately, for me, I moved to Vancouver and didn’t have to face the constant stream of crazy mementos anymore. The rest of my family moved less than a year later. For all I know, however, the current residents of 15 French Crescent in Regina, Saskatchewan con- tinue to receive a daily deluge of sweet nothings from the dashing inhabitants of Cell Block D. So there you have it. The next time you need to get back at someone, don’t say it with eggs, toilet paper, or burning bags of dog pooh—-say it with an endless barrage of communiqué from convicts.