opinionsubmit@hotmail.com The Ugly Truth Mass media and big government make it all sound so pretty Brandon Ferguson, Opinions Editor Brandon Ferguson, Opinions Editor I was leisurely enjoying a pitcher of beer at the strip-club-turned-degenerate-bar Hippos when a commercial for the Conservative Party of Canada came on. In it, Stephen Harper and two senior MPs talked “strategy and hope” in a futuristic, glass-encased nerve centre as busybodies rushed around working furi- ously for some greater good. The spot was replete with NYPD Blue-ish shaky cameras and flawlessly “unscripted” ban- ter. If the dialogue alone didn’t move me, then the allusion that those guys honestly hang out in an earthquake-rid- den Bat Cave talking about us regular folk—and how they can better our lives —certainly did. It was truly touching. If you thought tomato juice in Coors Light was good, try crocodile tears in flat Molson Canadian. Rhetoric, kids; it’s out there, every drop more slimy and reptilian than the last. It’s used to persuade, convince, evoke, and perpetuate the people in power’s perverted version of the truth— it does damn well near everything but tell the truth. Just as the dusty framed poster of Vince Carter winning the slam-dunk competition in 2000 captures him in a moment of sheer perfection, so to can the 20-second sound bite canonize politi- cians as competent civil servants. Truth: Vince Carter’s a pussy who couldn’t play through a runny nose. Truth: Politicians long ago gave up on governing in favour of camera pres- ence, sticking to the message, unwavering stoicism in the face of criticism, and appearing on public relations-contrived talk shows. And the media is to blame for this. The success of Spin Doctors should have been limited to that great year of 1993, when “Two Princes” was topping the charts, gas was cheap, wats were jus- tified, and Keisha Chante was still where she belongs, in diapers. Instead, spin- doctors and rhetoric robots have taken over the landscape of Canadian and American politics. In Canada, it was the singular fear that the conservatives would privatize healthcare that put Paul Martin’s Liberals back in power. The press covered the assertion as a tactical maneuver without ever questioning it. They discussed the strategic implications rather than investi- gating the actual merit. When it became blindingly obvious that the Liberals were corrupt, we accepted the Gomery process and were promised an election once “the truth came out” in December. The truth will now be delayed until February. The press tells us that the public has decided to patiently wait and move on. Canadians are the best lot of them all. We are ridiculously considerate and remarkably compassionate, which is exactly why our strings can be pulled so softly. Americans, however, are astoundingly patriotic and absurdly paranoid, which is why their strings can be pulled so easily. The recent events in the South have proven to be a real showcase of American media. Storm warnings led the newscasts in the days leading up to Hurricane Katrina, followed shortly by Supreme Court updates, news from Iraq, Bush picking his ass with an armadillo at his ranch in Texas, an Idaho potato farmer and his dog Buck, etc. Then the storm hit and all nature (both Mother and human) broke loose. All of a sudden, the White House’s abili- ty to overtly ignore reality became mag- nified. Maybe it was the scenes of death and abandonment; maybe it was the sym- bolism of the Super Dome being ripped to shreds; maybe it was because pretty boys Anderson Cooper (CNN) and Brian Williams (NBC) were pooping their pants in the heart of it; whatever the case, for the first time in four years, a carefully rehearsed press conference wouldn’t be enough. Now, I need to confess something. I am utterly infatuated with American media. It both amazes me and frightens me—like a mind-blowing acid trip over the airwaves; it’s heroin for the head and Zoloft for the ass. And so I watched. For the first two days, the story was about the story: Hurricane Katrina’s assault and unprecedented devastation. Then, for four days, it was stories of mayhem, rape, murder, squalor, and looting—the story of suffering was further compounded by Bush’s banal use of rhetoric. “Brownie’s (FEMA chief Robert Brown) doing a helluva job.” “I can’t wait for Trent Lott to build a better house than the last one, and I’m looking forward to sittin’ on the porch with him.” “We’re not going to play the blame game.” The press finally stood up and— gasp!—did their job. Questions became fierce, heated, impassioned, even thoughtful. Assuming that another quick PR dance around the talk show circuit would make everything right as rain, administra- tion hacks like Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff were sent out and promptly ambushed by angry and aggressive hosts. The spell had been lift- ed. Their eyes had been opened. And with the pall of blind journalism seemingly over, what have the press done? Why, they’re applauding them- selves. Mark Jurkowitz of the Boston Phoenix wrote that journalists “finally found the freedom to believe their own eyes.” Nikki Finke of LA Weekly wrote a piece titled, Unashamed to show their outrage. Professional press critic Jay Rosen suggested that “maybe scathing commentary should come to the fore- front...or maybe it’s reporters acting like concerned citizens all the time.” And the BBC’s Matt Wells objectively offered this up from across the pond: “Has Katrina saved US media? Amidst the horror, American broadcast journalism just might have grown its spine back, thanks to Katrina.” Kudos to them all for taking the time in the middle of the mire that is mass mayhem to measure their jobs. If I may, ahem, la dee fucking da. Thousands dead in Irag, Afghanistan, and New Orleans; millions more affected by brutish and negligent policies around the world; and finally, at long last, the messiahs of mass media may save the world because they’ve woken up and will question rather than regurgitate? Information, in the modern era, works in a triangle: the power, the press, and the people. When the power and the press are finished with their pissing con- test, maybe, just maybe, we’ll get around to caring about the people.