Short Privilege

> The future of intersectional theory

Adam Tatelman
Arts Editor

 

Li response to accusations

that her policies were “not
inclusive enough,’ Douglas
College diversity officer Babar
Mufasa organized a seminar

in the concourse, in which she
proposed to alter the Progressive
Stack even further to include

physical privileges such as height.

“Tt is clear that we live in
a heightist society,” Mufasa
began, gesturing to her height
comparison chart. “Buildings
and facilities are designed
according to arbitrary height
standards, which is inherently
oppressive to tall minorities.”

“Put yourself in the shoes of
a tall person,” Mufasa continued,
inviting short audience members
to come onto the stage and wear
platform shoes for a comparison.

“Wear these for a day. See how
many doorframes you have to
duck under, how many desks
you whack your knees on, or
how many car seats you have
to adjust. It’s a good way to
check your short privilege.”

“Height is a social construct,”
Mufasa replied when a short
student asked if he could face
heightism. “Arbitrary standards
of shortness are upheld by the
Diminuarchy, which privileges
short people. Because you're
short, you don’t see your short
privilege—little things like
being able to ask tall people
to reach high shelves for you,
or not having to hear people
complement you on your height.
Any issue short people face is
merely our short-dominated
society backfiring on them, ‘cause
that’s how privilege works.”

The short, clearly
uninformed students suggested

Mufasa was being heightist by
stereotyping them, but Mufasa
was unfazed. “Of course you’d
say that,” she replied. “Short
people are always taken more
seriously than tall people.
That’s short normativity,
and it’s the reason why tall
people cannot be heightist.”
“The entitlement short
people feel to the utility of tall
people can become dangerous.
I was harassed on Twitter over
9,000 times for announcing
this talk, so I am putting myself
at risk merely by speaking
here today. That is why we
need to make a space for tall
people only, so we can discuss
heightism without unsolicited
opinions from short people.”
“But, you know, you're kind
of short yourself,” an audience
member said during a brief
pause in the lecture. Mufasa
appeared not to notice.

 

Image via thinkstock

 

please stop messaging

_me. It's 2 in the morning! _

 

 

 

vn

| please no you didn't -

 

 

| dim, go to bed... |

Update: Nice guy
gets heartbroken.

>It was only the eye in the storm

of loneliness

Jamal Al-Bayaa
Staff Writer

 

ocal Vancouverite Jim Brant

was recently featured in the
Other Press for an incredible
accomplishment: Breaking
out of the friend zone and
going all the way with his
long time crush Natalie Luth.
Despite happy beginnings,
the relationship didn’t last.

He originally attributed
his success to a combination
of dogged persistence, passive
aggressive comments, and—
most of all—his social status as
one of the “nice guys”, which,
according to Jim, is the same
as being one of the “great
guys’ that every girl tells their
girlfriends to date.
“I send flowers to her work, I
bought a six foot tall teddy bear
and brought it to her by bus, and
I text her every day. Right from
the get-go I told her what had
been on my mind for so long: ‘I
love you, I want to marry you,
I'll never leave you’ I don’t know
if she took it too well. Isn’t that
what every girl wants, though?!”
Although persistence,

sass, and being a nice guy
may have paid off in the short
term, Jim wonders whether

it was really a good idea to
keep it up in the long run.

When asked about the
cause of the breakup, Jim was at
a loss. “At first | thought it would
be because she got back with her
ex, Ryan, but when I checked his
Facebook it said that he just got
into a new relationship a while
ago. It seems he’s been pretty
happy about it all week judging
by his statuses, so it can’t be
him.”

Although Luth wouldn't
comment on the why of the
breakup, she did have this to
say: ‘I understand that he just
wants to be considered a good
guy, but all that sucking up and
acting pathetic is why no one
wanted to date him in the first
place! I got so accustomed to

it that I forgot how terrible it
is to be on the receiving end of
that. It’s just major insecurities
coming through, and it’s hard
to be around. I regret that I
hurt us both, but I did that

by saying yes to him, not by
saying we had to break up.”

The silver lining in all of
this, Jim says, is that he has
discovered his love for expressive
poetry. Now he writes almost
daily, using “rhymes instead of
crimes” to let out his frustrations
in a more productive way.