humour // no. 22

theotherpress.ca

 

 

On its last wheel.

 

Sclling old, beat up bandwagon,

Found crashed by the side of the road, abandoned.
Green and bluc, though seems as if it was painted purple(?) at one point.
Willing to trade for a first round draft pick, or given to a competent driver.
Two identical wagon horses found down the road, exhausted.

Can be picked up from Rogers Arena.

CANUCKS BANDWAGON FOR SALE - $1 (Rogers Arena)

 

Filled with newly added parts, though they don't seem to work together.
Back end has completely fallen off.

= Bo } i ,¢

f- “a #

BS

Ne

ag 4S"

= % craigslist - Map data © OpenStreetMap

(google map)

1945 Killer Whale

condition: salvage

cylinders: 12 cylinders

drive: fwd

fuel: other

odometer: 500000

paint color: blue

size: full-size

title status: parts only

 

 

Racist bigot completely changes his
views after Facebook argument

> Internet changes view for first time ever

Cazzy Lewchuk
Staff Writer

 

L°. conservative,
construction-foreman, and
all-around asshole Gary Tory

reportedly changed his mind after

a lengthy Facebook argument
with his niece this week.

The incident occurred after
Gary posted yet another rant
arguing his racist, bigoted, and
generally uninformed views
regarding various political
matters. In the one post alone
he criticized the current
Canadian government, praised
the rise of Donald Trump in
the US., expressed his distaste
for immigrants, ‘minorities,
gays, liberals, and Leonardo
DiCaprio. Several Facebook
friend insiders report that
these rants are common and
frequently involve profanity,
mockery, links to misleading
studies, and Bible verses.

Libby Earl, Gary’s niece,
reportedly did what nobody
has ever done before: called
her uncle out for his alarming
comments. Using self-righteous

logic, links to The Huffington
Post and Salon, and descriptions
of feminism, equality, and
tolerance, Libby managed to
change her uncle’s mind after
only half an hour of arguing.

“My ingrained social and
political views are a result of
50 years of indoctrination,”
Gary posted the next day in
response to the argument.

“The reasons for my
intolerance were numerous,
including the community and
family I was raised in, personal
circumstances I have blamed
others for, reinforcement in my
social atmosphere, and personal
brain chemistry. Fortunately,
Libby’s four paragraphs of
logic immediately caused me
to reverse my positions. | am
now fully-versed and on board
with social justice, liberal-based
progress, and Leo winning the
Oscar he so richly deserves.”

Libby expressed surprise at
her uncle’s behavioural switch. “I
argue with people on Facebook
all the time, sometimes as many
as 20 times a day. Whether we're
debating politics, religion, sports,
or entertainment award choices,

 

I’ve never had anyone actually
change their mind before. Usually
my attacks on others’ deeply
held beliefs are done for nothing
more than blowing off steam
and convincing others that I’m
definitely right about everything.”
Gary has gone on to make
several lifestyle changes, including
renouncing his membership from
the Meninist society, becoming a

L~=L LS LA

member of the New Democratic
Party, and crowding Facebook
news feeds with links to articles
warning of the dangers of racism,
Islamophobia, and overall
intolerance in today’s society.

“I can't believe I’ve been
so ignorant for so long. I owe
it all to my niece—whom |
love very much and do not
consider to have any lesser

_*

intelligence or worth because of
her gender or age—for helping
me make this instant switch.”
At press time, Gary was
reading a counter-argument
posted by his nephew Marco
Cruz, leading him to reconsider
his platform and bring back
his previously held beliefs of
racism, bigotry, and refusal to
make the world a better place.

Image via thinkstock