The Other News

Sources: shit be getting crazy up in hurrrrrr
“Awwwwww, shit!” reports bystanders

By Liam Britten

According to sources at a Burnaby house
party, shit “is gettin’ real crazy, real fast.”

“Oh no he didn’t!” claimed attendee
Clyde Jones.

“Yuh-huh he did, son!” countered
fellow attendee Jules Santini.

The house party began in earnest at
around 8:30 p.m., and according to all those
in attendance, shit was “mad off the hook”

and “the bomb-diggitty” by around 10:15
p.m.
“Yo, that’s when G-Smoke [fellow
attendee Gregory Van der Meer] came
by talkin’ all that good shit about a blunt
sesh, and I was all like, “Yeah, holla at ya
boy, you know I’m down’ and he’s all like,
‘alight,’ and I’m just like, ‘yo’ and shit,
y know?” said partygoer Carl Jackson.
Host Aaron Bortolo attempted to
explain the series of events that led to said

shit.

“Nah mean, it’s just, you know, you
have everyone who’s down and you just
say, ‘Yeah, whatever,’ and then before you
know all these motherfuckers with all they
bullshit comes around and then shit goes
real crazy, and I’m all like, ‘whatever,’
and shit just happens when it happens, nah
mean?” Bortolo told The Other Press.

Partygoers variously described the
evenings events as “shit,” “some shit,”

“some bullshit” and “the same ol’ bullshit,”
yet were unable to describe in detail what
exactly constituted said “shit,” “some shit,”
“some bullshit” or “same ol’ bullshit,” nor
were they able to even gauge if the events
had positive or negative connotations.
However, attendee Carly Sorensen was
quoted as saying, “Wooooooo!!”

No further details were available press
time, which is def’ some bullshit.

 

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