parle UD tome (oto dT Co
ey Tt msl

 

Editor's Note: Naturally, the Other Press does
not condone or encourage the use or abuse of ille-
gal substances—unless, of course, you're buying.
Just kidding. Just say no. We say it all the time
and look how cool we are.

“Huh? What? No, your name’s Shameless

McWandering-Aimless. Just kidding. My

legs are really tired. That grass looks so

green. I’m going to lie down for a while.”
—WMe, Halloween, 1995 (or so).

In ‘my _ previous incarnation,
Halloween was a beautifully simple equa-
tion—dress up, do mushrooms,
commence to wandering around. It was
tradition, pure and simple. The ritual
would begin with October’s first rains,

Pat

and the appearance of “Liberty Cap”
mushrooms in the fields between White
Rock and Langley. I’d don full camouflage
gear and go picking. After days of drying
the little botanical wonders out, I’d collect
them up and store them in my beautiful
Japanese canister. The canister would
remain sealed until October 31, when I
would rip it open just as the hot water for
tea hit the boiling point. Next stop: tem-
porary insanity, smiles, and long walks off
short tangents.

Brief Aside: Now, I don’t condone
the picking of illegal mushrooms, unless
you happen to know what you’re doing,
which I do. There are tests you can per-
form in the field to ensure you’re not
picking some kind of poisonous toad-
stool—commonly known (by me) as a
“fakey.” You’ve got to pull apart the cap
and check for a thin film of psylocybin, or
so I hear. The important thing to remem-
ber here is, “if you aren’t absolutely
certain about which mushrooms to pick,
don’t go picking.” A book with pictures in
it does not qualify as knowing what you
are looking for. Capiche?

If you are inclined towards such
behaviour, ’ve found that Halloween is
the perfect night psychoactive
debauchery. You know those crazy elec-
tric-blue wigs that some girl at the party
inevitably ends up wearing on Halloween?

for

They look even sexier when you’re stoned

out of your gourd, or so I hear. And the
pretty colours are just the beginning.

I’ve found myself in all sorts of
absolutely titillating situations while
stoned on Halloween. I’ve stopped kids
from throwing firecrackers at horses with
imperfect diatribes on the equality of all
life. Pve cheered on a lumberjack while he
chopped down a tree (in direct contradic-
tion to the equality of all life). I’ve
stepped through a 4x8 pane of glass,
completely unscathed. I’ve sprinted across
fields and beaches for no other reason
than it felt like a good thing to do at the
time. I’ve partied like it was 1969, 1999,
and 2029—all in the span of a few hours.
I’ve also freaked out and spent the

entire night in crippling anxiety. «f

Which brings me to the next
point, and I cannot stress this
enough: Do not do too many
mushrooms on Halloween.

In the immortal equation of
Timothy Leary, when using hallu-
cinogens, you need to be aware of three
critical factors: set, setting, and dosage.
The “set” is your mindset going in. If
you are prone to freaking out when
things get weird, Halloween trip-
ping is probably not for you.
Ditto if you’re upset, overly
stressed-out, or sick. You have
to be ready for a Samhain trip.

The “setting” is your immedi-
ate surroundings. Mushrooms and
going to bars rarely mix well. Make

*
*.

 

sure you’te surrounded with people you
like and trust. Being outside is critical.
Wear comfortable shoes.

The “dosage” is pretty self-explanato-
ry. If you need me to suggest how much
is too much for you, you should save your
brain damage for another night.

All Hallow’s Eve isn’t a good night for
first-timers. Unless you are one of the
chosen few, you’ll probably end up getting
freaked out by some person in a Goblin
costume. Dancing skeletons and Darth
Maul masks can be perilous, as well. But if

you're already a fan of

sdb

mind-altering

     
   
   
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
  

substances,

Halloween can
i beareal hoot on
’shrooms, ot so
I hear.

 

 

follow the Rainbow

Joel Koette, OP Contributor

While I was away in Ottawa last week
attending the National Executive meeting
of the Canadian Federation of Students, I
witnessed an interesting incident at Mags
and Fags (as in cigarettes) on Elgin Street.
While looking through the magazines for
something to read on my flight back
home later that afternoon, I was able to
watch a man talk to his 3- or 4-year-old
son. The man was attractive and I would

OQctaber 27/2004

describe his style as a bit of a skater-
turned-professional-turned-daddy. The
man’s overall appearance is important to
draw a clear picture of his masculinity as
it pertains to this story. As I watched this
child—who was dressed similarly to his
dad—try to wander away to some small
stuffed animals located in the children’s
section, the dad was more than willing to
appease his son and look at the children’s
books with him. That is, until he noticed
that his son was preoccupied with a book
that “could” be considered a girl’s book.
The cover had a picture of a cartoon pony
with pastel colors and sparkly writing. It
was also packaged with a stuffed pony.

I was being quite nosey at this point
and started to follow the two around the
store to see what else would happen. I
wasn’t surprised at all when the dad took
his son directly to the sports rack to show
him pictures of snowboarders and skate-
boarders. His son was not interested, but
the dad kept encouraging him to look at
the “awesome” stuff they were doing. At
this point, I became kind of sick of what
I was seeing. I considered the incident an
example of the dad encouraging his son

to work toward achieving masculinity,

not

because ponies are certainly
considered to be masculine
and neither is figure skating,
unless you’re Elvis Stojko.
What a loser.

Anyway, for those of
you who know or have met
me, you could say that I have
stepped outside the traditional
gender role assigned to
men in a heterosex-
ist society. This
role is often
referred to as the
Alpha male, the
leader of the
pack, the
stereotypical
man who is
perceived to be
strong and
dominant. Sexy?
Hell, yes...but is it
realistic in today’s
society? I ask this ques-
tion because generally
most men do not live

  
   
  
  
   
 
  
  
   
  
  
  

up to these ideals. While these men make
the most of trying to act rugged, is that all
there really is? Not likely. For men who
are trying to live up to mythical stereo-
types—like Hercules, David (and
Goliath), and others—they really just
shouldn’t. Men shouldn’t have to live
up to particular gender roles that have
been created by a heterosexist society.
Men should take a chance and just
ee chill out.
. So, what do you
think? Am I right, or I
am right? I welcome

 
  
 
 
   

all of your com-
ments, complaints,
_ congratulations
for this article,
and hope that
you loyal read-
» ers will take a
moment to let
me know what
you think.

Ponyboys are boys too.

@THERPRESS 17