© the other press Opinions flugust 2003 Best of David Lam and Coquitlam ge Top five reasons to go to school at the David Lam (Coquitlam) Campus: 1. You get to eat lunch next to high school students, and be constantly reminded exactly how much you have matured in the last few years. 2. Security ladies are so very sweet. 3. Soft seats in the Concourse. 4. Cafeteria food tastes better than at New West, even though it’s made by the same company. 5. Much livelier colour scheme Top five reasons to avoid the David Lam Campus: 1. You have to eat lunch sitting next to high school students, and be constantly reminded exactly how immature you were just a few short years ago. 2. Campus feels smaller than it is. 3. High school attached to campus. 4. Okay, I could only come up with three! 5. See 4.—so sue me. Top five reasons to give an evil eye to the high school students on the David Lam campus: 1. They're noisy. 2. They're allowed on our campus but we aren't allowed on theirs. 3. They have Burger King on campus.4. They think they know it all! 5. Have you seen the cafeteria after they've been there? Top five Reasons for David Lam campus students to contribute to the Other Press: 1. You will be heard. 2. You can get your feet wet in the field of journalism. 3. It looks good on your resume. 4. You'll feel good! 5. Some instructors give you extra credit for getting published. Best playground to have sex in - Right near David Lam, down the trail a bit, lies § a little school called Walton Elementary. The intermediate playground is located on the edge of the gravel field, surround- ed by trees and fences. There are a few houses with backyards facing the play- ground, but if you hide behind a playstructure, you'll be fine. Best bar in Coquitlam: The Frog & Nightgown. Why? Because it’s about a 20 minute walk from David Lam. Sound far? It’s the only bar in Coquitlam near David Lam. Why drive out to Roosters when you can be hit on by old men on your lunch break? Personally I’ve never been there, but come on—it must be good if it’s the only one around. 1125 Falcon Dr. 604.464.1949 Best strip club near David Lam: The Barnet Hotel isn’t in Coquitlam, it’s in Port Moody. But that’s alright, because it’s the only strip club nearby. Located beside Port Moody Secondary School, the Barnet Hotel really isn’t much of a hotel at all. I’m pretty sure the parking lot services only the strip club. Watch for Deja—she’s my favorite. I like girls who make proper use of the pole. 2025 St. Johns St., Port Moody, 604.936.4922 Best place to go fishing on your lunch break: Lafarge Lake is immediately across the street from David Lam, and fishing is allowed in the muddy, polluted waters ® during certain times of the year. Maybe if youre quick you can run it back to the cafeteria and whip up some tartar sauce. Best place to witness a lover's spat: The Ikea in Coquitlam located between the David Lam and New West campuses is the biggest in Canada. This also means it has the most shoppers. And who shops at Ikea? Young 20something newlyweds looking to furnish their brand-new apart- ments. Say no more. 1000 Lougheed Hwy, 604.636.1000 ioe Page 18 e http://www-otherpress.ca Best dollar store - McFrugal’s. Because the place is called McFrugal’s. Seriously. Bread Garden has undergone a few dis- turbing changes in the past year—raised prices in milk, changing the flavor of the bread pudding, removing the phallic table cloths— Bread Garden is still the best for service and atmosphere. Although expen- sive, it’s cheaper than Starbucks, and tasti- er to boot. It’s almost like a fancy fast-food place. 2991 Lougheed Hwy Best Place to Jump off a Building: Doing poorly in school? Henderson Center is just down the road from David Lam. It’s a large building with parking on the roof. Although it’s fun to drop pennies and gum on the pedestrians below, why not throw yourself over? 1151 PineTree Way Best Coquitlam bylaw: In Coquitlam, all gas stations are full serve, and the prices at gas stations are the same as their other Lower Mainland counterparts. And you don’t have to tip. Best place to laugh at children: The skatepark across the street from David Lam is home to many 14-year-olds sport- ing messy skater do’s and trucker hats. Nuff said. Best place to check your blood pressure: Doctors are scary, so why not check your blood pressure while grocery shopping at Save On? The machine is notorious for being wrong, but it’s still fun. 2991 Lougheed Hwy, 604.552.1772 Best room in David Lam for making out: The David Lam Other Press Office. No one knows that it exists, and even if you do, I bet you don’t know where it is. None of us do. Best place to shoot up: Allegedly, there have been blood marks in the Coquitlam Centre Zeller’s change rooms which indi- cate intravenous drug use. 2929 Barnet Hwy, 604.552.1404 Best place to pee your pants: The access road to the gravel excavation sites near the Coquitlam River is dark and scary. Very dark and scary. Try driving down there alone sometime, but don't stop at the remote-control aircraft field without a flashlight, and don’t pause while driving by one of those big dump trucks - you never know who could be in them. Best free porn: The City of Coquitlam decided to put in computers with internet access at various community buildings. Some young teenaged boys were caught looking at pornography. Let’s hope they haven't put in filters yet. Best license plate spotted in Coquitlam: “LE CAR.” Best rental place - The Dvideo on Barnet Highway is cheaper than the plethora of Rogers found in Coquitlam. They also give you a little free bag of popcorn. ADDRESS TK Most exciting thing to do in Coquitlam: Have you ever flicked pieces of dirt on an occupied spiderweb? The spider will crawl up to the invading particle and actually spin a web around it and drop it to the ground. I noticed this while watching the paint on my back porch dry.