Opinions Being Humanis Still Glorious By Laura Kelsey, Opinions Editor oe have been taking a lot of flack lately. We are blaming ourselves for soiling our own nest, polluting our only home—destroying the planet Earth. But humans are the ultimate example of nature corrupting nature. Humans are still a part of nature, and nature is the most glorious entity possible. Nature, in whichever way you view it, creates the most beautiful, incredible things, like waterfalls, flowers, eagles—and humans. To turn against humans is to turn against nature. All creatures deserve equal chance on this planet, but it does not mean that other creatures have to realize this fact. Predatory animals will hunt until their prey is decimated, without guilt—all for the sake of self-preservation. But in doing so, the predator does not realize that it is hunting itself into extinction. Nothing is immune to fault, and this is the fault of Nature, and a fate that humans have shared. Evolution has granted us the means to destroy our creator—but who says that if lions ruled the world, they wouldn’t cause even more havoc? Our minds have developed faster than our bodies; we are superior minds with _ bestial hearts—these are things we cannot control. It has been said that war is human stupidity at its best; but war is also humanity at its most primal. Animals have territory just as we have borders, except ours are marked with concrete walls instead of piss and smell. Even the most seemingly complacent of creatures will fight to its death to maintain its territory, just as millions of people have done over human history —so we conquer because we can, and we should be proud to have lasted this long. Some god is kicking himself for giving us so many creative traits, because we have surpassed deity status —humans are now mortal gods. Have you ever seen a god portrayed with a Blackberry, or anything that seems remotely modern? No—because we possess what any god could not create, and our creativity and curiosity have granted this. So, as we have destroyed beauty, we have also created it—a sort of beauty replacement. Even in primeval ages, sub-humans were depicting their kills in “God is kicking himself for giving us so many creative traits, because we have surpassed deity status.” the most aesthetically pleasing way they could on.the walls of their caves. As our current waste and wars pile up around the world, humans are still trying to express their creativity in ways that make up for the ugliness of our polluting habits. Humans have evolved so much that they no longer have to be in the same vicinity to kill one another. We have tamed other creatures and made them our slaves. We have developed ways of communicating over vast distances without getting out of our luxurious homes. We are amazing. Nature is a cruel place, and humans have obviously not escaped this reality. We may be mortal gods, but Nature is the one real law we must obey. We can try and overcome its ways, but in doing so we will only destroy ourselves. The world may be our oyster, and ours to destroy, but we, as a part of nature, will perish with our achievement. Have we reached the pinnacle of human society? Do our rapid advancements correlate with the worsening storms, a sign of an impending split between nature and man, which will result in an ultimate battle that will destroy all life? No. Humans as a race are only guilty of naivety. We didn’t realize how much impact we were having on our home, just as a pack of wolves devours the last elk in the forest. So that is a fault of Nature’s, not ours. We have survived by conquering the world, and that is the greatest achievement of all time. Anti-human advocates promote their views by way of talk, but they still continue to reap the rewards of being human. Celebrating birthdays, relationships, and even breathing are all activities that anti-humans should not participate in—if you are anti-human, you better kill yourself fast, because you are what you are against, and every moment you live is a hypocritical action. To hate humans is to hate yourself. Every individual human may not deserve admiration, but as a race, humans deserve respect. We have only done what nature has allowed us, and when Nature has had enough of its creation, it will let us know—unless we destroy Nature first. Humanity may be a plague on the Earth, but it is a disease the Earth asked for. pealuring Dr. Stephen Sex & Dr Marilyn Fairchiid Merry Sexcomas! | Dent fic. Sex, What are the sexiest — I could get my sen this Christmas? I’m a -_ stumped dude. Santa’s Little Helper Dr. Fairchild: Well, SWEH, it depends on a fieenises of factors, including how long you have been with your gal and how adventurous the two of you are. Dr. Sex: SWEH, the best gift you can get your gal, if she doesn’t already have one, is a dildo. A dildo conveniently slides into any stocking, and relieves your hands and tongue ofthe pressure of inducing your girlfriend's orgasms. | Dr. Fairchild: Yes, a vibeaten can be a good gift choice. But some men find sex. toys: intimidating —don’t worry, your woman will not replace you with a toy! (Even if you are Santa’s Little Helper.) But when shopping for one, there are certain points to remember. Dr. Se: Yeah—don’t get a 2 HUGE fake dick unless your girlfriend is a hoe-hoe- hoe! Dr. Fairchild: Many times men buy their women oversized ping ys Be realistic. And consider what type of stimulation your girlfriend prefers when deciding on a dildo or a vibrator. And keep an open mind—other toys may be Just as pleasing. Dr. Sex: Like a threesome —the gift that keeps on giving. Dr. Fairchild: Dr. Sex, why must I always remind you that women are not toys?! Dr. Sex: I prefer to do my Christmas shopping online. Fuckingmachines.com has some amazing gift ideas. Dr. Fairchild: [ am thinking it would be hard to cram a fucking machine down his girlfriend’s chimney! Dr. Sex: I think it must be a lot easier to be in a gay relationship—a guy knows what another guy wants... but that would be more like Santa’s Little Felcher. Dr. Fairchild: If you are not ready to get your gal a sort of penetrating device, try for some playful restraints and lingerie. Dr. Sex: Straight from the box to her box, that’s the aim of sexy gifts. I love giving people my package—Justin Timberlake did it best when he just gave a “Dick in a Box” —just as long as it’s to your girlfriend and not to your kids. Dr. Fairchild: We at SexySex would like to wish everyone a safe and sexy holiday season. Dr. Sex: Let your biggest gift to your significant others be love and not an STD— wrap up your gifts as well as your cock. We look forward to your questions in 2008!!