Darren Paterson, Sports Editor

Well, I guess it’s time to start liking half-naked
eight-year-old boys...er, um, I mean
lacrosse...what with the looming NHL lockout
and all. I’m sorry for going with the obvious

this week, but my girlfriend just left me for
some guy who has a midget fetish, so I sort of
need to blow off some steam.

I didn’t think it was really going to happen.
I thought, “Ah, it should be fine. Baseball
almost shut down too, but they learned from
previous lockouts and got a deal signed.” But,
as it turns out, I was living in a dream world. I
figured that an NHL lockout would never hap-
pen. I thought they were just using it as a threat
so that hockey fans would appreciate the league
more. But all it took was a few words from the
NHL and just like that the face of the National
Hockey League was changed forever.

And these will be big changes. Think for
example of all the players who we most likely
will never see play another game of meaningful
hockey. Mario Lemiuex, Dave Andreychuk,
Chris Chelios, or Steve Yzerman, just to name
a few. Heck, you can probably kiss about half
the Detroit line-up goodbye. And those are just
the players who were nearing the end of their

careers anyway. Don’t forget about Forsberg
and players like him. He’s probably gone forev-
er to Sweden to play with our very own
Naslund.

Teams will be lucky to be able to pack in the
fans like they used to as well. The Canucks were
finally getting back on track, with profits and a
successful team. But that’s likely to be gone by
the time this lockout ends. Bandwagon fans will
quickly be lost to lacrosse or American sports
like basketball or baseball. Players will very like-
ly be reluctant to return, and the core of the
Canucks team that brought us out of the base-
ment and up to the top of the league may be no
mote.

I can’t believe that the league and players
association would make such a boneheaded
move. Why, I’d even say it frustrates me as
much as watching midgets fornicate! Speaking
of which, I’ve got some skulls to bash. Some
midget fetishist skulls! Because baby, I ain’t let-
ting you get away that easy!

 

 

Well, here it is, what is likely to be my last
Canucks Corner for some time. I hope it’s
not, what with my need to fill space in the
sports section, but don’t be surprised if
this article can’t be found in our next
issue,

But here are a few tidbits that may be
of interest to those of you who can’t wait
for hockey to wake up. I caught up with
Marc Crawford after the Canucks Blue vs.

of the things he had to say. (Actually, to be
honest with you, I let the real reporters do
the questioning...) Most notably,
Crawford mentioned that he and _ his
coaching staff will continue to do their
job and “make sure that [the Canucks] are
the best prepared team coming out of the
lockout].”

On their agenda are continued scout-
ing of all leagues and a probable hand in
the development of their players going to
other countries to play. Players such as
Morrison, Naslund, the Sedins, and possi-
bly Bertuzzi, who are all apparently going
to play in Sweden. Crawford also men-
tioned that he is “confident in the
professionalism of [their] players” and

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that he expects them to maintain
their level of ability regard-
less of where they play or
don’t play. And, finally, he
noted that he him-

self has tentative
plans to coach his

son’s team if the
lockout leaves him
with nothing else to
White prospect game and here ate a few do.

But after those few
brief comments, he
began to leave the
arena
with him all of my
precious,
quotes. But hey, at least I
got an autograph before he left.
“Thank for saving my life in Nam,
Marc Crawford...” Although I don’t see
why he couldn’t add an “s,
he’s super busy.

Canucks Corner

Darren Paterson, Sports Editor

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