(ANTon

Driving me insane: craziness behind the wheel

By Siavash Emamzadeh

o all you drivers out there: if
you’ re going to drive, do it
right!
Now, I’m no honk-crazy maniac

at the wheel, but I’m often irked by
what some drivers do or don’t do on the
road. So, without further ado, I present
to you my list of driving pet peeves.

Make up your mind, dammit!

Do all of your deep thinking and
indecisiveness on side streets and stop
putting on your blinker right at the last
second before pulling up to a traffic
light. This especially applies if you
are not in a turning-designated lane
because cars behind you will assume
you are going straight.

What you’re doing is paving the
way for a messy accident as the crowd
of cars behind you tries to merge to
the other lane, all at the same time.
While merging, they have to avoid
colliding with the traffic from the side

 

 

 

v0

 

 

 

lane, including vehicles merging from
behind, as well as oncoming cars that
are turning.

Get ready for obscene gestures,
you culprits!

Is that your car or a lawn mower?
Yes, yes, you have a low rider, “tricked-
out” rims and “sick” upholstery, but can
you ditch that deafening muffler? And
while you’re at it, turn down the music,
because I can never hear what song I’m
listening to in my car, whether it’s 50

Cent gone country or a Ludacris and
Beethoven duet. At least do something
about the noise so that cars within a
five-metre radius aren’t jolting like
there’s a magnitude 9.0 earthquake.
Otherwise, be prepared to deal with
cops and to pay for my auto repair costs
and a hearing aid.

Back off!

Unless you have an extreme case of
nearsightedness, please stop tailgating
my vehicle. I really don’t want to deal
with the complications after you smash
into my car, for which, of course, you
will be at fault. Plus, I’m not really
fond of having my life endangered by
drivers who don’t understand the idea
of speed limits —70 is not the new 50,
you know. For crying out loud, I’ve
seen better driving etiquette in bumper
car circuits!

Want a closer look?
Rarely do I find myself agreeing with
Bart Simpson, but regarding this pet

peeve, I really do think the “ironing” is
delicious.

Most people won’t dispute the
irony in the following scenario: a
stampede of speeding drivers, all
overtaking a speed-limit-abiding driver,
and in the process giving him dirty
looks (hint: I’m the lawful driver). As
if your reckless driving isn’t enough,
you also have to glare like I’m doing
something wrong.

Listen you knuckleheads: it’s one
thing to zoom around like you’ re Jeff
Gordon, but it’s another to take your
eyes off the road. If you are going to
look away, make it a swift shoulder
check and not a deep thoughtful
gaze like you’re at the opening of a
Kandinsky exhibit at the Guggenheim.

I hope my little rant here makes a
difference; otherwise, you’ll soon find
me in an anger management class,
unless, that is, I don’t freak out earlier.

 

 

 

  

oan

 

 

 

#346139 (28) ~ O3/2552000 at AST pm ty MarMas ~ sex

By Nikalas Kryzanowski
Opinions Editor

If your life is defined by
embarrassing situations, then it
truly does suck to be you. But
there is a place online where
rather than seeking refuge from
your pitiable life, you can revel in
it. Definitely making the rounds
through colleges the way only
novelty websites can, Fuck My
Life offers 139 pages of user-
generated Twitter-style entries
about bad luck, three or four lines
long. The poor souls describe an
unfortunate event in their day
leaving us, the readers, able to
rate the craptitude of the situation
while making empathetic or snide
comments. Some situations are

 

www. fmylife.com

Fee My Life Sener ee
Lg fico nome Ey sence |
Home - Top FM - Flop FML ~ Random FM - FAQ - API - Team's blog ~ Submit your FML - Moderate the FMLs
Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking Categories
my moans from when | was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML Love
PASD1ID (74) ~ 03/35/2009 at SS pen dy Moanit ~ sex ~ Hagens, yous Me i MPMed (7ASE) » you deserved Mat one 26865 @ sharthis Money
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& sharemmis

downright awkward others not so
much.

For example:

“Today, I was writing a very
important email to my college
professor. I went upstairs for
something and came back down
to send it. I later asked him today
why he hadn’t responded to which
he said ‘I’m flattered... but can’t.’
My roommate had added ‘love you
xxx’ at the end of the email.”

Or:

“Today, I was having sex
with my boyfriend. When he was
about to orgasm, he screamed ‘Yes
Brittany!’ at the top of his lungs.
My name’s not Brittany. That’s his
sister.”

Probably just a fad, I imagine
this site will fall fast off the radar.

 

 

 

 

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