@ www.theotherpress.ca

 

Service with an insincere smile

Friendliness be damned—I see it as a sham

By Jacey Gibb, Opinions Editor

ervice with a smile: it’s not
GS always what I’m looking for

in my commercial exchanges.
Sure, I often enjoy it when
employees aren’t miserable meat
bags and genuinely care about
their jobs. If a worker is pleasant
enough during a transaction, I find
that it can even help brighten my
day. But some places take their
interpretation of what they believe
to be “good customer service” too
far.

The biggest offender of this
malpractice in my life right now
is TD Canada Trust. I’ve banked
with these folks for almost my
whole life and while we’ve had
our differences, | would give our
relationship a solid B+. But in the
last few years, I’ve noticed a terrible
transition occur: the rise of mindless
small talk.
Personally, I’m a fan of aimless

banter between two humans, hence
my affection for Quentin Tarantino,

but not when it’s a mundane
exchange where one of the parties
involved is strictly concerned
with maintaining their source of
income. “So you headed to the
office today?” “Are you in school?
What are you taking?” “You’re

the most handsome customer I’ve
ever had. Are you a male model?”
I’m constantly bombarded with
these conversation topics that are
impossible to completely flesh out
in the time that it takes to withdraw
$60. They care about where I’m
“off to after this” as much as I care
about what they packed for lunch
today.

As terribly dead-ended as this
can be though, I feel like this whole
exchange is merely foreplay to the
ultimate punchline: when I finally
receive whatever meager funds
were lurking in my account, the
teller throws in a sly “and how was
the service today?”

And you thought glass was
transparent—wait till you get a load
of TD’s customer service strategies.

Opinions

Feedback’s an important part
of any business, I understand
that. Forcing small talk is one
thing; forcing small talk and
then immediately revealing your
motives is another. Of course these
people are being paid to provide
me with a service, but I don’t need
a verbal reminder that they’re
simply on the clock and doing their
job. And here I thought it was just
a normal exchange between two
humans, with one party heavily
more invested than the other. It just
makes the whole experience seem
insincere.

I know that not everyone is
customer service savvy and that
jobs usually require people to
do things that exist outside of
their comfort zone, but making
it mandatory for employees
to engage in awkward small
talk doesn’t help create a more
welcoming environment, but
rather the opposite. Apparently
TD is the winner of the Synovate
Best Banking award for Customer

 
  

ww

Service Excellence again this year
and has been for the last six (not
that they’re bragging or anything)
so apparently people like what
they’re doing—but the false
modesty just isn’t for me.

Because of the forced,
often dead-end conversations |
experience at the counter, I’ve
started going straight to the ATMs
found near the entrance for all my
dollardispensing needs. While the
machines might not have as many
Synovate Best Banking awards, at
least they don’t ask me how the
service was today.

 

The hair down there

The lowdown on vagina wigs

 

By Natalie Serafini, Staff Writer

here was a time when |
[isc the “vatoo” was
weird. Then, my blissful

ignorance was shattered when
I heard about “vajazzling”—a
disturbing decor-down-there that
had to be the strangest, biggest
waste of time, money, and material
that there is. I thought to myself
that there couldn’t possibly be
anything worse, right?

Wrong. Ladies and gentlemen, I
present to you the vagina wig.

That's right—a wig for your
vagina. But take note that a “wig”
of this sort is more of a process
really, and not simply a toupee.
At Completely Bare Spa, where
perhaps the more impressive
merkins are produced, the pubic
hair is removed via wax or laser.
Next, you choose between the Foxy

Bikini Wax or the Carnivale Bikini
Wax. With the Foxy Bikini, fox fur—
which is often dyed a neon color
for extra pep—is affixed as a piece.
The Carnivale Bikini on the other
hand “takes the ‘look’ beyond the
standard Brazilian by utilizing uber
trendy feathers in a variety of hot
colors.” Both these services last a
minimum of three days, use natural
materials, and cost over $100 of
your hard-earned money.

Since you’ve now been
properly introduced, Id like to

removed. You undergo the pain that

accompanies having hair ripped out

by the roots at a very sensitive place

on your body. After your pubic

hair is gone, fur is put in its place.

I suppose the purpose of getting

a merkin is to look attractive, but

I can’t imagine it’s really fetching,

and I think most people will agree

with me on that. Whether a thatch

of feathers or fur, it’s unnatural-

looking and ugly—enough said.
Apart from the lack of aesthetic-

sense is the lack of actual sense:

“Whether a thatch of feathers or fur, it’s unnatural-looking and ugly—
enough said.”

take a moment to break down the
absurdity of these wigs. There’s

so much to say that it really
necessitates sort of a piece by piece
perusal.

Although merkins have carried
historical importance (they initially
enabled prostitutes to cover up STIs
and continue working), they don’t
really have a practical purpose
in modern day society—they’re
functionless. Which is totally fine (I
myself spend plenty of money on
stuff that I don’t really need), but I’d
like to address the aesthetic-sense
of this look, as well. You spend time
and money having your actual hair

why go through the pain of having
all your hair removed just to
replace it with fur, feathers, or fake
hair? Go au natural—it’s certainly
your choice—but please don’t top
anything off with a wig if it’s below
your head.

As little sense as | think these
wigs make in general—logically
and aesthetically speaking—the fur
and feather options make the whole
matter much worse. I find fur coats
and hats obscene, but va-jay-jay
toupees go beyond regular old-
fashioned wastefulness. Should an
animal’s life be sacrificed for this?

Everyone has the right to

choose how they spend their money
and how they present themselves to
the world—or in the case of vagina
wigs, to their significant other. I
certainly hope no one is presenting
this particular embellishment to

the world. It’s important to think
about the big picture. You don’t
have to justify getting a vagina wig,
but the choices we make dictate
what sort of a society we live

in. It’s something to think about
before hopping on the vagina-wig-
bandwagon.

Speaking as a feminist—and I
almost always do—these wigs are
degrading in a number of ways.
Described on thoughtcatalog.com as
“a decorative object, suggestive of
sexual innocence [or] promiscuity,”
they feed into society’s ideal that
women have to toe the line between
slut and virgin, Madonna and
whore.

I’m tired of my appearance and
actions being dictated by companies
that are just out to get my money
at whatever cost. I’m also tired of
the idea that it doesn’t matter if that
cost is my dignity. Sadly, this joke
of a service speaks to the sort of
society we live in today: in a time
when undergoing drastic surgery
to conform to society’s norm ts the
norm, vagina wigs may not seem so
extreme.

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