Arts & Entertainment Cake Mix(tape) Luke Simcoe and Kevin Lalonde, OP Pastry Chefs ‘.. a well known fact that everybody loves cake. If you’re baking a cake tonight, follow along with our simple and delicious recipe below. But pay close attention, you don’t want to miss anything. That said, if you’re too lazy, you could always just make someone a mixtape. “Xmas Cake” — Rilo Kiley “Cheese Cake” — Aerosmith “T Live in a Cake” — NOFX “Flour” — Menomena “Sugarcube” — Yo La Tengo “Brown Sugar” — The Rolling Stones “Milk and Honey” — Beck “Egg Raid on Mojo” — The Beastie Boys “Bowl of Oranges” — Bright Eyes “Whip It” — Devo “Me and the Bean” — Spoon “A Spoonful Weighs a Ton” — The Flaming Lips “Oven” — The Melvins “Title and Registration” — Death Cab for Cutie “Rise” — You Say Party! We Say Die! “Icing Sugar” — The Cure “The Icing on the Cake” — Napalm Death “Eat It” — Weird Al Yankovic “Give It Away” — Red Hot Chili Peppers 12 Making a mixtape is a lot like making a cake. Both require a lot of preparation and some tough decisions. Before you begin, ask yourself the following questions: Who is the cake for? What is its intended purpose? Should it be light and fluffy, thick and chewy or somewhere in between? Once you’ve got those nailed down, you need to decide what kind of cake you’re going to make. Will it be a Christmas cake, the kind Jenny Lewis likes to get, or perhaps a cheesecake like Steven Tyler might prefer. Once you’ve decided your cake’s genre, it’s time to think about size. Is this a cupcake, or a confectionary creation large enough to house NOFX circa 1988? Okay, now it’s time to start baking! Depending on what kind of cake you’ve chosen, you’re going to need a variety of ingredients. Flour is a common ingredient in most cakes, as is that sweet nectar of the gods: sugar. Most cakes call for simple white sugar like you might find in a sugarcube, but if you're a little more health conscious and don’t mind a darker cake, brown sugar works just as well. Finally, if you’re a dirty, tree-hugging hippie, you can mix some milk and honey together and it makes a nice sweetener. In order to get the right consistency in your culinary masterpiece, you'll also need some eggs rich in Omega-3 fatty acids. Now, we realize that eggs can be expensive, so might we suggest that you put on some war paint and raid Mojo’s house down the street for some of those delectable ovarian delights. Once you’ve returned from your raid, take stock of your wounded and prepare for the mixing process. You’ ll need a bowl. If you’re anything like us, you’ ll have a large bowl of oranges sitting on your kitchen table, so just dump the fruit out and give it to your scurvy-ridden vegan neighbour, and presto! Instant mixing bowl! Simply toss all the ingredients into your new bowl and whip them (whip it good) with a big spoon, wooden or otherwise. Speaking of Spoon, and their tasty track “Me and the Bean,” we forgot to mention that you should probably include some vanilla bean extract for the extra kick. Be careful with it though, you don’t want to go too heavy with the vanilla, it’s already pretty concentrated. As Wayne Coyne cleverly pointed out, a spoonful of that stuff can weigh a ton. Once your mix is... well... mixed, it’s time to put it into the oven. At this point, you should put your hands on the oven window like a seven year-old and watch the cake rise. After what seems like forever, it’s time to pull out your perfect pastry. Careful though, it’s gonna be hot (that’s what ovens do), so run to your car and grab your gloves from your glove box, unless you’re Ben Gibbard and you don’t keep them there, in which case just get some oven mitts. Now that your cake is cool, you should keep in mind that no baked dessert is complete without icing. If this is a romantic affair, make liberal use of icing sugar by The Cure, and if not, refer to “Icing on the Cake” by Napalm Death. At this point, if you haven’t screwed anything up, you’re done, and there’s only one of two things left to do. If you’re sitting at home alone and have no one to share with (which is why you’re baking in the first place I bet), © slice that mother up and eat it. Or, if you’re a commie pinko, wrap that sucker up with some aluminum foil and give it away. But not to your vegan friend.