THE GRUDGE

Killer Kali Thurber, A&E Editar

As the movie blatantly states, in
Japan it is believed that when some-
one dies filled with rage, the area
surrounding their death place holds
that rage forever. Anyone who

 

      
  
   

ound a random
at him? It’s him.
just run out of
beers in their
munchies. We
ful bunch, but

f to disturb the
ing an evening

may have been encounters the curse of this power-

ful rage will die and a new curse will
be born in its place. The house that
holds this rage in The Grudge is also
home to a mysterious black-eyed
boy with the scream of a cat.
Sounds spooky, doesn’t it? Well,
hy be out to get don’t let yourself be fooled by the
- clever tagline and shocking pre-
best

is I’ve done in a
-affirming). But
ways pay your

e dead before
hble if you're a
ovies and you

views—those were all the
parts.

    
   
   
   
   
     
  
  

to the audience.

n actor who crashed the audition.

 

hungry for the audience’s attention. Emmanuel’s hunger injects
energy into an already great production. He illustrates a great the-
atrical ear and if you watch closely you can see him imitate some
Sroucho Marx shtick that is seamlessly crafted into his perform-
© You definitely won’t find yourself looking at your watch
yhen Emmanual’s on stage. His quick tongue speeds up the pace
f the play, and Emmanuel’s natural talent and charm endears

But where would a play about Dracula be without the villain
elf? Matthew Spears commands respect when he walks upon
ze with his consistent performance. Spears steps into the
; of many remarkable actors and fulfills his role as villain.
and lean, he has the aura of Dracula. His tone and delivery
lice not only Lucy, but the audience as well. Spears does a
omimendable job in the daunting role of Dracula—not bad for

One would have expected that
with the combined efforts of Sam
Raimi (creator of The Evil Dead and
Darkman) and ‘Taka Ichise (the pro-
ducer of Ringu) that The Grudge be a

guaranteed two hours
of terrifyingly real hor-

ror. But when the
murderous, supernatu-
ral_ being that is

supposed to keep us on
the edge of our seats
with our feet and hands
tightly tucked up
around us is thrown on
the screen within the
first
there’s just nothing left
to maintain the mood.
Why do we watch
movies that follow all
the typical rules of the
genre but don’t even

seven minutes,

allow us the uniquely
horrifying pleasure of
imagining what the
monster looks like
before the plot is even
set? I have a hunch that
the main attraction to
The Grudge for at least half the audi-
ence was the infamously curious,
Sarah Michelle Geller. Yes, boys,
she was there with all her innocent
charm and little injured-doe eyes,
peeking around every corner and
tiptoeing up every set of stairs that
she could find. And if the twisted,
purple hand clawing its way out the
back of her head doesn’t turn you
off, there’s even a shower scene.

i

That is, if you can yawn your way
through the first 45 minutes.

Aside from a few short-lived
shivery moments, this movie was a
huge disappointment. The Grudge
was so not scary that I’m not even
going to continue reviewing it.
Sure, I could go on about the poor-
ly done, westernized versions of
intriguing Japanese films, or how
unimaginative it is that every single
person in The Grudge that enters the
cursed house decides to climb up
to the attic to find out what all the
screeching and scratching is about;
but quite frankly, my dear, I just
don’t give a damn. Instead I’m
going to share with you a little

Grudge game that I thought up
while sitting in the theatre, bored
out of my mind. If you choose to

 

 

Saving the best for last, perhaps because I’m such a fan of
1940s detectives, that brings us to Murray Price. Price’s perform-

   
 
   

ance deserves comparison to the likes of Sam Spade. He plays the
twice-bitten cop and tortured hero to a tee, right down to the
smoking and drinking and the “dame” eyeballing. Most of Price’s
ialogue is delivered in asides and his narration is the constant

Qctaber 27/2004

 

thread that weaves through the plot, giving the play purpose and
direction. Price bears his responsibility skilfully, mastering the
mannerisms, speech pattern, and accent of his character.

 

With Halloween just around the corner, take time to enjoy the
classic vampire tale retold in Ellie King’s production of Dracula:
The Silver Scream. It’s worth the $15 admission.

 
    
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
    
  
  
  

play the game you'll be off to a per-
fectly harrowing Halloween. If you
don’t choose to play, just don’t
bother going to this Hollywood
failure.

Now, here’s the game. Firstly,
smoke a pack of cigarettes and
drink a carton of milk (homoge-
nized, none of that wussy 1% crap)
in the alley outside the theatre.
Secondly, buy a ticket to The Grudge.
Pick your seat in the theatre wisely
(behind a group of giddy 13-year-
olds would be ideal). 'Then wait for
ten minutes. By this time the hairy
monster will have appeared on the
screen, and the collaborative effect
of the milk and cigarettes will have

formed a paste of mucus down the
back of your throat. This is where
the fun begins. Thirdly, breathe in
deeply and let a slow, heavy gur-
gling bubble up your chest. It will
sound exactly like the “creepy”
monster from The Grudge, and man,
will those 13-year-olds be terrified.

Don’t worry about seeming like
an asshole—they went there to get
scared, didn’t they? Trust me; you'll
be doing them a favour. I would
also suggest bringing a stringy,
black wig along with you, and light-
ly brushing it against somebody’s
cheek. The movie won’t make them
jump, but the enthusiastic expres-
sion on your face when they look
up and scream sure will. Thank
God there are people like me out
there, willing to sacrifice their
evening just to ensure that the
needs of scary moviegoers are met.
Oh stop, you don’t need to
applaud; save that for the redeem-
ing qualities of The Grudge...oh wait,
there aren’t any.

STHERPRESS