© Opinions the other press Kali thurber opinionsubmit@hotmail.com January 14, 2004 Professional Beatings Kali Thurber Opinions Editor The fog regarding what would hap- pen to the six Vancouver police offi- cers charged with beating three sus- pected drug dealers cleared last week, andthe sentences were dolled out—diligently, but not entirely without resistance. A year ago, these six officers picked up three people with long criminal records, appar- ently suspecting them of being drug dealers, took them to a remote area of Stanley Park, and systematically beat them. I’m not completely sure what it means to systematically beat someone, but my guess is that if any- one is capable of committing an act of such vulgarity in a systematic way, it’s the Vancouver police. The defense argued that all six of these men suffered momentary laps in judgment. I read this in The Vancouver Sun on Monday morning and started laughing out loud on the SkyTrain. Is this really an excuse that we can still use? Most parents don’t even accept it as reason when their teenager does something wrong and excuses themselves with, “Sorry, Daddy, it was a momentary lapse in judgment.” But our own police offi- cers use it in the circumstance of a vicious beating? Well, considering that the officers had enough time to pick the three people up, drive them to Stanley Park, and then beat them, oh my, that must have been some long moment. However, the judge on the case, Herb Weitzel, agreed with the Angela Blattmann OP Photographer defense attorney's reasoning. Weitzel not only agreed, but stated that it was the mob mentality that allowed these good men to do such a thing. Once again, really, we can say that? Is this The Lord of the Flies or what? My guess is that nobody in the field of law has any intention of making the Vancouver police department look bad, even if they are. Tom Stamatakis, the police union president, believes that the six offi- cers should be able to keep their jobs. He said, “People get second chances all the time. Many, many people in all walks of life, including other people in other professions where the public place their trust.” Wow Tom, that definitely makes me feel better. I mean, all the other pub- lic figures who beat people got off, so we should just let these guys (whose job it is to keep the public safe) off for their weird little com- munal beating too. It was probably some sort of initiation for the police recruit, who coincidently reported the incident, and now serves as an officer. That didn’t go quite as planned, did it guys? Maybe next time you have a police recruit along, you should try going after a more obvi- ous suspected crime—say mob beat- ings. Also, when leading into an ini- tiation situation, try a more neutral location. The remote areas of Stanley Park are reserved for other kinds of initiation, so go find your own. Name: Ketan Age: 18 Program at Douglas College: Science Last CD in your stereo? MP3 Mix What's the next movie you would like to see in the theatre? My Babys Daddy Where have you heard about it? In TV ads. Which newspaper do you usually read? The Province What's the first section you look at in a newspaper? The Horoscopes, to see how my day’s going to go. New Year’s Resolutions—a Masochists Dream Kali Thurber Opinions Editor. So, here it is the second week of January, and my guess is, everyone's already forgotten their New Year's resolution. Fret no more, my peo- ple, I enjoy New Year’s resolutions so much that I’ve compiled a list of my favourites— and if you haven’ started yours yet, maybe youd prefer to change it. Unless, of course, your resolution was to be more decisive—in that case youre bloody well stuck with it. Lose weight, get a boyfriend, and make more money This is the most common and least successful resolution. It’s been my best friend’s for the past eleven years (which is about as long as she has been dating, working, and gaining weight) and she has never felt resolved. If you made this self-defeating resolution on New Year’s Eve in a drunken blur, it’s okay, I give you permission to give it up now before it’s too late. Become more optimistic Forget those far too ambitious one-liners, and go with something like this. Note: The oper- ative word being “more.” Chances are, if this resolution seems like one that would be appropriate for you, even in saying these words, you've already got it beat. Rid yourself of all addiction This is not for the faint unless...wait, is that a heart attack? If so, you probably should go for it. of heart, Learn something new Fairly simple to keep up, since it only says “learn,” not “begin,” or anything else that implies maintaining this “something new.” The real secret to resolutions is in the word- ing. Try macramé, or finger painting—both are excellent pastimes. Stop making New Year's resolutions There’s always some smart-ass in the crowd who, whenever asked, declares that New Year's resolutions are for masochists who have a deep desire to be disappointed in two week's time, and to resolve this problem they’re put- ting a stop to the resolution craze. These are terrible people and they should be stopped. If you come in contact with one of these wannabe-badasses do me a favour and punch them in the face. This could also count as your starting “something new.” It’s called kickboxing, and it’s very handy. This weeks Stolen Words belongs to a man I met outside of a downtown pub sing-along. He said, quite convincingly, “When measured on the thrill factor, Karaoke is like sky-diving.” Shortly after this little confession, he swaggered up to the band and suggested that the next sing-along song be Mexicali Moonshine’s “These boots are made for walking.” You should have seen the expression of pure joy on his face when he got up on the stage and belted out “Are you ready boots? Start walkin’.” http://www.otherpress.ca Name: Elaine Age: Um, I’m in my 30's. Program at Douglas College: Ym not really a student. I’m here for a sport med. training workshop. Last CD in your stereo? | dont know. What's the next movie you would like to see in the theatre? House of Sand and Fog Where have you heard about it? On TV. Which newspaper do you usually read? Not on a daily basis, but I read the Province. The tabloid News! What's the first section you look at in a newspaper? Entertainment. SLANE Page 7