© Wilson the other press e Wilson February 25, 2004 Horoscopes Miss. Fullah Shyt OP Contributor Attention (the word attention should be read with a French accent): The following horoscopes are intended for entertainment pur- poses only. You should not live your life by the predictions but instead have a good chuckle and follow your own instincts. AQUARIUS January 20-February 18 Your attitude of playing it safe isn’t paying off. You need to spice things up once in a while. Go on a date with that street performer who keeps asking you to put change in his guitar case. Buy that ugly dress that the sales clerk told you it fit like a glove but let’s be honest...your hips in that? Puhleeeeze! What you should take away from this is that making a statement is good. PISCES February 19-March 20 It’s that time that some of you are getting a bit older and let’s be hon- est...it’s starting to show. Instead of Botox, try things like going to the gym and some bronzer. Natural fixes are in and chemicals are out. Spring is just around the corner. You won't get a date to the big dance if you don't do something about those bags under your eyes. Put on a little “I feel pretty” West Side Story style and I promise you'll feel like a million bucks. ARIES March 21-April 19 Your creative side is still itching to get out. Why don’t you try painting a self-portrait on the back of your bedroom door? Your landlord won't mind...I swear. Oh, oh, I know! Have you ever reorganized a closet? No? Have I got an idea for you! Separate those blouses from the sweaters, put your runners next to your heels, and (I can’t believe I am even going to say this) put your socks in with your panties! Oh my...I have gone too far. You are just beginners I know. Colour a rainbow and meet me back here in two weeks. TAURUS April 20-May 20 In the past week I have had the opportunity to converse with some of you and I have to say...a bit scary, let’s be honest. I think you need to tone down the bull in you and stop heading for red flags. One red flag you must be aware of is the fact that no one listens to you anymore. They know that a conversation with you is more of a one-sided rant. Is this how you want to live your life? Stop the madness for the love of cod. Zip it and try working on being a listener instead of an instigator...just for once. For me? GEMINI May 21-June 21 Hey pal...need a friend to talk to? Gosh me too. Want to meet me at the peer counselling office and see if we can mess with em? Nah, that would be cruel but you really should talk to someone about those issues you have. They are starting to effect your interactions with those around you. If you can’t talk to me, I don’t recommend talking to yourself but what about a real professional...like your mom or something. Nothing ever solved a problem better than milk, cookies, and a hug. CANCER June 22-July 22 You have a lot to offer right now, the trouble is you are offering it to the wrong people. Who will buy the cow when you are giving the milk away for free? You need to find your target audience and really make the most of your potential. Your efforts are being wasted on a lot of sleepless nights and dear diary entries. Make a plan and stick to it. LEO July 23-August 22 I don't know if you are on some new fangled diet but those jeans aren't fitting you the way they used to. Seem those love handles are just a bit too pronounced now...wouldn’t you say? I think the best thing for you to do is to go on the jail diet of bread and water but skip the bread. Drink 20-30 glasses of water a day, exercise if you must, and eat a lot of cheese omelettes. Believe me when I say you will look just swell in no time. VIRGO August 23-September 22 You are just like your mother! Good thing you don’t look like her too. But jeez! The bitching, complaining, and endless OCD cleaning is really getting annoying. No one likes your mom and we are starting to not like you very much either. Shape up or ship out buddy. Can you say table for one? LIBRA September 23-October 22 Your tomfoolery must come to an end my dear Libra. Your pranks and sarcasm are starting to get in the way of...well nothing...let me be tell you how it is. You don’t have much going for you. Maybe being the class clown is a way to hide the insecuri- ties you have about being a not very nice person...and let’s face it...you lack any real distinctive personality. I order you to read all of Dr. Phil's books. If he can't help you, I just don’t know who can. SCORPIO October 23-November 21 Just when you thought life couldn't get any better you scratched three $2 signs on the goldrush scratch n’ win. Life surely is grand for you this week Scorpio. Play some mini-golf, rent a limo, and live it up. Because you know that good times can go on for- ever right? Just wait till next week when...well, I don’t want to spoil it. But take my advice...now is the time. SAGITTARIUS November 22- December 21 Aww...I feel like you need an “I’m OK, You're OK” speech. Really Sag, http://www.otherpress.ca stop beating yourself up. You are only one person. You can’t do it all. If you could, I would really suggest a pay increase and at least two weeks holidays. Write your name in the sand this week and dance like no one is watching...even though someone probably is and they are no doubt making fun of you. CAPRICORN December January 19 What can I say? I saw you at the women's volleyball game...good for you. They needed a fan. Oh, let me guess...you just went to try to hit on Brian from the sports department. Well, get in line ladies...get in line. This week I want you to give out three compliments a day to repent any wrong doings. You can thank me later. 22- Page 11