humour // no. 22 theotherpress.ca

New study reveals that 40 per cent
of research 1s done out of spite

> Take that, everyone

Social Psychology scientist at Langara
College, Chris Jarden. “We are scientists;
there’s zero room for ego-based
interactions here. The fact that Jack
keeps on parking his Hummer in my
space and eating part of my lunches
despite my protests has no bearing on
my recent decision to shift my PhD
focus from the psychology of Vancouver
bus passengers to how large
personal vehicles increases our
false sense of entitlement.”
The only sample
groups unable to
be reached for the
study were scientists
discovering the

Klara Woldenga
Humour Editor

 

 
 
  
  
  
  
  
 
  
 
  
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 

An published study has

revealed that 40 per cent of
all scientific research is driven
by a surprising force: Spite.
“After we compiled all the
data, it was clear; research
doesn’t lie,” said Jane Alden,
head of the scientific group
that spearheaded the study. “It
seems the prime goal
of a lot of scientists
isn't to seek further
knowledge or the if

bettering the planet, = psychological effects
but to prove someone fz y ae of not answering calls,
else wrong due to 3 jf se a ae 1 emails, or texts, along with

their own personal
emotional baggage.”

According to the research, this
baggage can be triggered by many
things, such as getting cut off in traffic,
being wrongly called out on Facebook,
or having a co-worker use the last
of the milk without replacing it or
saying anything, even though there
is only one other person in the work
space, so it was obviously them.

The study interviewed over
400 Canadian scientists in varied
disciplines and levels of education
over the course of three years. Data
was collected through one-on-one
interviews consisting of questions
that allowed participants to
answer them ona scale
of one to ten. The
survey also recorded

a small group of scientists
studying the global effects of
being extremely unhelpful.
“We were really hoping
to get data from those two
demographics,” stated Alden.
“But, you have to admire
their dedication to the
research.” Alden is hoping
that this research will help
scientists take a step back
and think about their
motivations, as “keeping
a clear, revenge-free
mind lowers the risk of
) becoming an evil genius.”
/ When asked what
inspired her to do this
study, Alden
refused to reveal
her own reasons

  

ms
hea, a stating ony that 8
“Tt’s really none

clenched their fists, o, of your business g
slammed the table, or ironically, : If ae , &
shouted at the ceiling “ILL SHOW members oor . belonging that question it 5
THEM! I’LL SHOW THEM ALL!” sciences (Psychology, Sociology, to the hard sciences ld tal £ th e
The study also found that, Political Science) had more zealous, (Physics, Biology, Mathematics). ventifi would take a rom the ne s
spiteful motivations compared to people “This study is ridiculous,” stated Sclentiiic Importance ol this research. 2

 

 
   
   
 
   
 
  

 
  
 
  

LET’S SEE...
MAPLE CURED BACON, MAPLE
INFUSED SAUSAGES, MAPLE
FLAVOURED BISCULTS AND
CHOCOLATES.

  
     
 

WHAT'S WITH YOU CANADIANS
AND MAPLE SYRUP?

  

  
    
  
 
 

HOLY CRAP,

EVEN YOUR
IT DOES!

MONEY SMELLS OF
MAPLE SYRUP!

 
   

   

 

 

 

 

 

Comic by Nuclear Jackal