Opinions. On the offensive Does offensive material have a place in comedy? By Natalie Serafini, Staff Writer ree speech versus offence Hess isn’t too tricky for me. As a person who likes to state her opinion, I’m a strong advocate of freedom of speech, regardless of who might be offended. I generally ascribe to the belief that if you don’t have the right to state your opinions, then you don’t have a whole hell of a lot. Yet the Daniel Tosh rape joke incident doesn’t seem to fit in any tidy notion of what freedom of speech means. While there are a number of different versions of what exactly happened, the basic premise is that a woman went to a comedy club where Daniel Tosh was performing. Part of his gig was stating that rape jokes are always funny. The offended woman heckled him, saying “Actually, rape jokes are never funny!” Tosh responded (and here the lines get a bit blurred) with either “Wouldn’t it be funny if you were raped by five guys right now?” or “She sounds like she was was on a whole other level. He was funny. Dark humour is generally approached with intelligence and wit to portray something serious in a humorous light. With Tosh’s brand of humour—which is intentionally immature and offensive—there is neither intelligence nor wit, meaning that his attempts at dark humour emerge with all the sophistication of a fart joke. Tosh is welcome to say what he likes, but let’s not defend his actions and say he’s “just being funny” or “trying to make a point.” Tosh doesn’t do satirical humour, he does purposely offensive humour, and this is where freedom of speech loses all meaning. Once you start using free speech to be deliberately offensive, not prompting people to think, feel, or laugh on a deeper level, then your words have zero meaning. At which point I say: yes, you're welcome to say whatever the hell you want to say, but I’m not listening to the moron with the “With Tosh’s brand of humour—which is intentionally immature and offensive—there is neither intelligence nor wit, meaning that his attempts at dark humour emerge with all the sophistication of a fart joke.” raped by five guys.” Following the incident and the outrage over Tosh’s statements, there’s been some back and forth on free speech and censorship, especially with regards to placing limitations on humour. I generally don’t think rape jokes are funny. Essentially, I’m disgusted by rape jokes because I’m disgusted by rape, and few jokes that I’ve heard have prompted me to laugh about it. I’m not going to say the jokes can never be funny though, because I think that in the right words, extremely dark humour can be both funny and constructive. Almost anything has the potential to be funny, but not everything is necessarily a laugh riot. The claim that “comedy shouldn’t have limitations” has, well, certain limitations. The caveat in that statement is that you have to actually be a good comedian. I mean, if it’s not funny, it’s not comedy, right? People have compared Tosh to George Carlin, who apparently argued that rape jokes are funny. Truthfully, though, that’s like comparing a two-year-old to Albert Einstein: George Carlin 14 megaphone. It’s even more apparent that Tosh wasn’t trying to make a point, based on the fact that he half-heartedly apologized for his “misquoted” and “out of context” statements. If he were trying to make a point about rape, or comedy, or anything else, then he would have stood by his statements—whether by saying “This is my comedy” or “This is what I believe”—and not backed down by apologizing. If he’d done that, then I would say we have a difference of opinion and | still don’t think you’re funny. But it’s apparent that his statements are simply offensive for the sake of being offensive. I don’t think comedy should be censored, because there are comedians out there who are intelligent, say what they mean, and are hilarious while doing it. You have to realize that as the audience, we have the power to ignore those who don’t amuse us. If you think Tosh is funny, have at it. If you don’t, ignore him. Vitaminwater: the good stuff fools go for Why the latest drink craze isn’t the health kick you’ve been searching for IT'S PEOPLE! VITAMIN WATER IS PEOP- | MEAN SUGAR! VITAMIN WATER IS SUGAR! By Jacey Gibb, Opinions Editor ho isn’t interested in pursuing a healthier lifestyle? Even if we don’t all hold true to our idealist intentions, the occasional health- conscious decisions we make earn mental high-fives and leave us feeling better about ourselves. But one recent “health fad” is actually a lot worse for you than you might realize: Vitaminwater. That's right. Those pretty, multicoloured bottles with the witty names and matching feel-good drink descriptions that have recently instigated a hostile takeover of store shelves everywhere? It’s actually a health Trojan horse, hoping that its seemingly wonderful exterior will distract from its internal contents—sure, there aren’t spear- carrying Greeks lurking inside every 591mL bottle, but it’s not exactly the health food of the year. Something you may have picked up on already is the name itself, Vitaminwater. No, my keyboard isn’t broken or experiencing some form of belated Y2K bug; the name is one word, with no space. That’s because for the drink to be actually called vitamin water, it would have to be primarily water, which Vitaminwater isn’t. In a moment that I often refer to as my “Soylent Green Discovery,” I realized that Vitaminwater has almost the same amount of sugar as a regular Coke. Sure, sugary water may not be as extreme as futuristic cannibalism (sorry to My God! Think of the CALORIES! ~_. everyone who just had Soylent Green ruined for them) as my nickname would suggest, but it’s a revelation that makes me want to stumble out onto the street and proclaim hysterically “It’s Coke! Vitaminwater is Cooooocoke!” As depressing as it sounds, since making the discovery, I’ve retrospectively wondered why it was such a surprise. Vitaminwater is a proud product of Coca-Cola, and while that doesn’t immediately secure the drink a seat in the senate of evil, Coca-Cola has been known for questionable hijinx in the past. With schools and various other institutions cracking down on the sale of sugary drinks and bottled water, both for different reasons, they had to come up with a way to stay where they’re otherwise unwelcome. It’s surprising that people aren’t more aware of Vitaminwater’s true qualities. The nutritional information is readily available on the bottle and a simple Internet search on the name will reveal a library of dirt on it. The only thing that I take comfort in is knowing that the charade can keep up for a little while longer, with several lawsuits already moving forward against Coca-Cola for their misleading health claims and promotional campaign. In the meantime, might I suggest slurping down on some just regular water? It doesn’t come with a cool name or a vibrant colour, but at least it’s not trying to be something it isn’t.