January 22, 2003 George Lister The firgus THUNDER BAY, ON (CUP)—There’s no easy or gentle way to bring it up. It is variously described as a mental health issue, a public health crisis, an epidemic or a tragedy—depending on context. It is also something that, unfortunately, most university students are familiar with, at least on a second hand basis. Suicide attempts happen more often than you might think, but no one talks about it much, certainly not as much as they should. It could happen to you, a friend of yours, a family member or maybe someone that you barely know. The fact is, suicide is something that affects all of us. I can count myself as one of the people that, at one point in my life, came far too close to suicide. At the age of 12 I had few friends and was the typical short, little, fat kid with braces, the one that got picked on by everyone. School, for me, was a nightmare that I still cringe to think about. My home life wasn't much better with parents that fought all the time and had expectations for me that I never thought I could match. There was never a huge traumatic event that led me to want to end my own life, just a series of seemingly perpetual trials. I never actually made an attempt, but for a period of several months | thought daily about killing myself. My parents, displaying far more insight than I would have given them credit for at the time, realised what was going on and got me help. More importantly they got me the right kind of help, a truly excellent psychologist to whom I owe a deep debt. My story is atypical, though, for many, help is not as readily available. SARAH’S STORY A number of years ago, when she was 19, Sarah came to Lakehead University in Thunder Bay. She had struggled with depression in her mid-teens but felt she had been on safe ground for a number of years. However, before she even started classes, things started to go awry. “A friend of mine was supposed to join me in Thunder Bay for school, but she changed her mind at the last minute. I felt I couldn't back out and went on alone. We had planned to share an apartment, so I wasn't on the residence list. I got an apart- ment by myself but—even though it was almost too much for me to afford—it wasn't a very nice place to live.” She pressed on, though, and began classes, hoping that university would be the experience she had always dreamed of. “T always thought that university would be hard work, but that there would be a lot of fun too: parties, meeting new peo- ple and having a good time. But since I’m usually pretty shy, and didn’t live in resi- Features http://otherpress.douglas.bc.ca So Much to Live For Taking your own life is not the answer dence or come from Thunder Bay, I didn’t get much of a chance to meet anyone much less be social with them.” By mid-October she still could count the number of classmates whose names she knew on one hand. She found herself spending more and more time on the phone with her friends back home and at other schools, racking up huge bills in the process. However, Sarah didn’t tell them of her deepening depression. “T just couldn't bring myself to tell them what was happening to me. They all seemed so happy with their lives and how school was going for them that I just couldn't bring it up. I usually felt more out of place than ever after talking to them.” Sarah also hid her problems from her proud parents, not wanting them to feel like she had let them down. Her marks suffered, her unpaid bills piled up and she began spending more and more time alone in her dingy apartment. The final straw came during the last week of classes. “It sounds stupid, but what pushed me over the edge was just seeing all these peo- ple around me. Hundreds of people sur- rounding me every day and not a one of them knew or cared at all about me. The idea to kill myself just appeared in my mind one day shortly after that. I don’t mean it hit me like a bolt of lighting, it just sort of appeared there and felt right. I took yet another cash advance on my stu- dent credit card and went shopping. I bought a big bottle of vodka, then went to a drug store where I went on a shopping spree.” I asked her about the words she used, curious about her choice in terms. “It was a shopping spree. I mean, I wan- dered the aisles picking up diet pills and painkillers and cold medicine, almost gleefully throwing them into a shopping basket. It sounds crazy but, as I was doing this, I felt happy for the first time in a long time.” Sarah went home and started drinking. After most of the bottle was gone she started washing down gulps of mixed pills with more vodka, by now more deter- mined than ever to end her life. Luckily, it didn’t work out that way. “I got sick right after I took the pills. I don't know if it was nerves or if I had just too much vodka or dumb luck, I dunno...But, I threw up more and harder than I ever had before in my life. As sick as I was, and as much as | thought I was dying, that’s what saved my life. I threw up the pills before they ever got into my system.” And it was a wake up call that she did- nt take lightly. After she recovered some- what, she cleaned up her mess and made the hardest call of her life. She phoned her parents and told them everything, crying and talking for over four hours. The next day her parents flew into town and, while her mother took her home, her father stayed behind to clean up the financial mess she had left. At home she began to see a psychiatrist who, in addition to working with her one on one, got her into group therapy and prescribed a mild anti-depressant (which she still takes). The next fall, she enrolled at a college in her hometown, and the next year transferred to a university closer to home. This time around she made the effort to overcome her shyness and joined several groups at school, including one for survivors of suicide. She is now a gradu- ate, gainfully employed, and will be mar- ried in the spring. I asked her what advice she had to give on this subject. “If youre feeling depressed, if suicide is something that has even for a second entered your mind, talk to someone about it. If you feel you can’t talk to your friends or family, call a crisis line. The important thing is to get it out in the open and find help. But don’t sell your friends and fami- ly short. If I had confided in mine before I tried to kill myself—instead of after— I’m almost positive I never would have made the attempt. To everyone else...God, I’m no counsellor, I couldn't tell you what to look for, but make sure you talk to your friends often. Maybe talk is the wrong word...listening is better, especially to what they don’t say. And make the effort to get to know people you might other- wise miss. Make the shy people around you feel welcome. That’s about all I can » Say. WARNING SIGNS Even for a professional it is sometimes quite easy to miss the early warning signs of suicide. However, when someone is close to making that decision, there are usually clues. The most obvious ones are verbal and statements like “I don’t think I can go on anymore,” should always been taken with the greatest degree of serious- ness. Other common warning signs include: - Becoming depressed or withdrawn - Behaving recklessly - Getting affairs in order and giving away valued possessions - Showing a marked change in behaviour, attitudes or appearance - Abusing drugs or alcohol - Suffering a major loss or life change the other press Certain situations are also prone to bring- ing on thoughts of suicide. Obviously these do not always do so, but if you know anyone in these types of situations try and] be on the lookout. The list is as follows: - Family history of suicide or violence - Sexual or physical abuse - Death of a close friend or family mem ber - Divorce or separation, ending of a rela tionship - Failing academic performance, impend ing exams, exam results - Job loss, problems at work - Impending legal action - Recent imprisonment or upcoming release There are also behaviours that are indica tors of someone nearing a suicidal state, particularly if they are not in character for the person exhibiting them: - Crying - Fighting - Breaking the law - Impulsiveness - Self-mutilation - Writing about death and suicide - Previous suicidal behaviour - Extremes of behaviour - Changes in behaviour Sometimes physical changes can be a warning as well: - Lack of energy - Disturbed sleep patterns - Sleeping too much or too little - Loss of appetite - Sudden weight gain or loss - Increase in minor illnesses - Change of sexual interest - Sudden change in appearance © page 14