HUMOUR. Laugh out loud hilarious? Contact the editor at humour@theotherpress.ca Scientists invent powdered water; just add water! Canadian David University Press «SS SVJ ow Rowins nearly four years and millions of dollars in research funding, a team of chemical engineers from the University of Toronto excitedly announced their latest innovation this Monday: powdered water. Speaking amid expressions of disbelief upon the faces of fellow scientists and engineers at the International Water Conservation Conference in Budapest, the research team detailed their revolutionary discovery, which has been dubbed “hydro-powderization.” “Basically, we’ve managed to invent a chemical process that extracts about 99.9% per cent of the wetness out of water, leaving behind a white powder that strongly resembles cocaine,” explained research lead Dr. Herbert Miller. “One litre of water yields approximately 0.5 kilograms of a substance that looks pretty much like your average-quality Columbian blow,” Dr. Miller continued, the excitement in voice clearly audible. “But here’s the kicker: it’s actually just water. Powdered water.” According to experimental data from the group’s research, the “hydro-powderization” process is also fully reversible. In order to reconstitute the powder to its original form, simply add water. “When you're thirsty for some powdered water, just put about two standard tablespoons of powder into a glass and fill up the rest with water—whether it be from a bottle, or the tap or a nearby stream, any water will do—and voila, safe, drinkable powdered water,” proclaimed Dr. Miller. During question period, a few scientists in the audience inquired into the specific chemical process used to obtain powdered water. Smiling, Dr. Miller replied, “it’s very complicated,” before pulling up aslide featuring a large flowchart detailing thousands of complicated chemical names and processes. “Don’t worry too much about the details,” he stressed. The research team concluded their presentation by highlighting several applications that are already being considered for powdered water. “We're currently looking You(ji3Comedy Classics Jehovah's Witnesses Want Deaf People To Stop Masturbating Dubbed with 50 Cent SCAN CODETO\WATCH By Joel McCarthy, Graphics Manager http:/ /www.youtube.com/ watch?v=QReUbe4kp-o We all love a good old fashioned mash-up, whether it be a classic song remixed with modern rap, or a spoon mashed up with a fork making a spork; It’s exciting to see two unlikely things mixed together. So whoever thought of mashing up a Jehovah’s Witness video telling deaf people to stop masturbating with a 50 Cent song was a freakin’ genius. Brace yourself, because your perspective on 50 Cent’s “In Da Club” will never be the same—neither will your view of masturbating, for that matter. 22 into developing small, individual packages of powdered water that can be air-dropped to communities in drought-stricken areas, a process that simply isn’t feasible with liquid water,” implored Dr. Miller. “We could effectively negate the impacts of widespread drought in impoverished communities, as early as 2020. And that’s just the beginning.” The research team also confirmed that powdered water is currently undergoing preliminary military testing, as part of survival kits issued to personnel operating in extreme environments. Early trials have concluded that the powder can be reconstituted with urine, but the resulting water acquires a yellowish tint and tastes strongly of human urine. Despite this and other minor setbacks, Dr. Miller and his team are confident that their invention will revolutionize drinking water. “Whenever people question the future prospects of powdered water, I just look at them and say, ‘how could it not succeed?’ It has literally thousands of useful applications!” | R Lae Just add Water! Product # 2091 Net Contents: 10 oz. (283.5 grams) Approved by FDA Technical Assistance: 1-888-637-68%, Photo illustration courtesy of Joel McCarthy CONTINUED ON PG. 25 SF eRe POROUS m ON Ch RUC CM URSIN aM ym UTR iC