Last Call

Kerry Wan Kenobi, OP Columnist

Dear Last Call,

My problem is one that I have struggled with
for a long time. What happens when you out
grow your long time friends and want them to
not go away mad, but just go away? I mean, I
like them, but I am not “‘in like” with them
anymore. We don’t really have as much in com-
mon now that we are grown ups. It’s hard to
keep including them in my life when I have
new people that I care more about and have
more in common with. How do I kick these
people to the curb but in a way where if I run
into them on the street they don’t try to stab
me with their dagger eyes? Please respond
soon, you’re my only hope.

Sincerely,
Moving On Up

Dear Moving On Up,

First of all, did you ever think that maybe your
old-time buddies would also like to be rid of
you? It’s very possible that they are just making
the same courtesy calls to you when they
would love to be spending their time calling
their new best friends forever. It seems to me
like you are a tiny bit on the self-centered side.

I am glad I am not one of your new or old
friends.

 

 

 

Second point, it’s real easy. For one, use
your call display to your advantage and don’t
take their calls. For two, don’t call them on
their important days, you know, birthdays,
anniversaries, etc. For three, do not rsvp yes to
any of their invitations to spend time; this
includes weddings, baby showers, Super Bowl
parties, etc. Also, talk very badly about them
behind their backs and to their faces. Most
importantly, sleep with any of the crushes,
mates, spouses, lovers, etc. that you’ve been
holding off on “doing” for their sakes.

Thirdly, under no circumstances can you let
your new friends meet your old friends. When
they meet the old friends two things could
possibly happen. They will find out what losers
your past friends are and start to wonder how
you could have been friends with them for so
long, hence starting to question their own
friendships with you. Or worse, they will like
your old friends better than you and start
hanging out with them and either not inviting
you or even worse, inviting you and annoying
you.

Basically the best bet is to have only one
friend at a time. When you have used up all of
their niceness and enthusiasm, write them a
Dear John letter and find a new friend from
www.friendfinder.com.

Yours truly,
Kerry Wan Kenobi
lastcall_op@yahoo.ca

othereditor@yahoo.ca

 

Bee

 

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