Humo ur Think you're funny? Contact us at humour@theotherpress.ca & Douglas College replaces Penn State as part of NCAA sanctions Small community college to inherit school’s past achievements, national ranking ee FF * = eT se or XN Y 2 we eee . By Liam Britten, Chief NCAA- currently even in the CIS, whichhas — organization in the world, but anticipation of building a new, Okay Editor no football program. sources have told The Other Press 100,000-seat stadium. Admissions Emmert said that the move was _ that the College is already putting guidelines will be shifted from a Speculation about the severity made to restore the public’s faithin — the wheels in motion to compete focus on academic performance to of the punishments that would the decency of the NCAA’s schools — against top American schools at throwing accuracy and downfield be meted out by the NCAA to after the Sandusky scandal. their national passion. tackling. Penn State as a result of the Jerry “We are well aware that Among the facts learned by Most schools new to “big Sandusky sex scandal came to an Douglas College may not have The Other Press was that the new league” play at the NCAA level end last Monday, when NCAA been the frontrunner to replace program will most likely be headed __ typically struggle out of the gate, President Mark Emmert made his Penn State. They have no football by Performing Arts instructor Alan = and Emmert says that this could be decision public. team, they’ve never had a football Weiss, as he has great experience the case with Douglas College. The litany was certainly harsh: — team, and their athletic department —_ leading and orchestrating large “A lot of teams have some $60 million in fines. No post-season recently had a scandal where they groups of students ina coordinated growing pains. As long as those for four years. Scholarships severely had to forfeit soccer games because — manner, and because of his growing pains don’t involve limited for four years. And harshest _ of ineligible players. We’re aware of | experience with American ball: he raping children, I’m okay with it,” of all, the entire football team was that,” said Emmert. “Butin the end, _ is reported to have attended over Emmert said. “This whole thing put on probation for five years. no one at Douglas College touched — four Seattle Seahawks gamesinthe has really put things in perspective. But lost in the shuffle and children over the course of adecade late ‘90s. From now on, the priorities at all breathless reaction to these and covered it up with a vast As well, College administrators |» NCAA Schools will be not touching punishments was one final conspiracy. These days, that counts are preparing to compete “the right — children first; athletics a close punishment: for the five years for a lot in my book.” way” to win against established second; and academics... third or of probation, Penn State would Douglas College has not American teams. They are fourth or whatever. I don’t really be replaced in the NCAA system released any statement about the preparing to slash funding for care.” by Douglas College of British invitation to join the largest and arts, technology, teaching, student Columbia, a Canadian school not most profitable collegiate sports services, and facilities by half in PENN STATE AND DOUGLAS COLLEGE PENN STATE DOUGLAS COLLEGE NCAA football wins 0 605 BY THE NUMBERS Consensus All-Americans 0 39 . Bowl i 0 21 At first glance, these oe . . Number of children’s lives . schools have little in ruined 0 8 (possibly more) COMMON, and advanced Number of sex offenders . given free reign of school sta ts research confi PINS thanks to corrupt, cowardly 0 1 this. Here’s how the administrators schools break down: Number of lion mascots 1 1 22