KZ 10

 

LN

 

e Everything has a depressing side—
you've just gotta look for it!

Have an idea for a story?
M humour@theotherpress.ca

¢ Unforwarded chain mail ghosts continue
to wreak havoc

..and thats everything!

How to look at the world like an emo

» Everything has a depressing side—you've just gotta look for it!

  

Richard Dick
Senior Columnist

 

elf-help books, gurus, and “life guides”

will all indoctrinate you into believing
that a positive outlook on life is essential.
Tam here to naysay all of those tutti-fruity
positive psychology pushing nerds and
encourage you to live your life like the true
emo punk you are. As the famous old adage
goes, “Life sucks, and then you die.” Here
are a few totally emo perspectives on some
of the “positives” in life.

Cotton candy
Life is just as utterly ephemeral as this
sweet treat.

Puppies

Ever wonder why puppies are so cute and

happy? It’s because they're compensating
for their existential dread. Just look deep

into the eyes of a puppy—totally empty.

Sunshine
Slowly working to kill you. (Wear
sunscreen, kids.)

Illustration by Sonam Kaloti

: =

Rainbows
An optical illusion, just like all other
forms of joy in life.

Making love
Reverse cowboy will break your dick

Achieving enlightenment
Where else are you supposed to go from
there?

Babies

A mortal trapped in the fleshy and weak
prison it lives within—incapable of
communication. Just screaams—LOTS of
screams. It also sits in its own poopoo.

True love
Break-up or die—and those are your only
options.