Never Let Another Rwanda
Happen Again

Paul Martin fhade his first speech as
Prime Minister to the United Nations
last Wednesday, outlining his vision
for a more dynamic world governing
body. In the speech, PM-Squared
addressed the need for quicker
response capabilities where there is
the suspicion of human rights atroci-
ties occurring, such as in the Darfur
region of Sudan where tens of thou-
sands of Sudanese have already

 

perished in the government-sanc-
tioned civil war.

“Our common humanity should be
a powerful enough argument, and yet
that is precisely what is missing,”
Martin told a largely unenthusiastic
crowd. However, he also offered $20
million to the African Union (AU)—a
full third of the $60 million the AU
requested in order to equip and
deploy 3,000 troops to the region.

The PM’s proposal is based on the
“Responsibility to Protect” plan that
was drafted after the UN watched
800,000 Rwandans die in the 1994
genocide. So this plan is really gaining
momentum.

Part of the problem with any solu-
tion to the inhumane treatment of
some of the world’s citizens is the lin-
guistics and “legal” nature of
proceedings. Many spots on interna-
tional committees are held by African
dictatorships who believe in self-
preservation almost as staunchly as

 

SEReMUEF 29/2000

News Wears Short Shorts

Brandon Ferguson, News Editor

our Republican friends down south.
Gaining unanimity on votes of action
is nearly impossible—both Russia and
China, who are veto nations on the
Security Council, have internal con-
flicts that they would prefer to deal
with themselves and without the
threat of international interference.
Currently, the UN is debating as to
whether the situation in Sudan is tech-
nically genocide, and _ therefore,
whether it is “legal” to send in peace-
keepers.

Despite the dreariness that empty
rhetoric breeds—take the fake news
section, for example—it is still impor-
tant that these messages be delivered.
Way to go Paul. We'll be the first in
line to say “and let’s never let another
Sudan happen again.”

Cat Stevens: Secret Agent Man

International man of folksy music,
Cat Stevens, was removed from his
London-to-Washington flight last
Tuesday after his name showed up on
a “no-fly” list—a fact that was
observed mid-flight. Stevens was held

for questioning and returned to
London by Wednesday, without an
explanation for his special status.

 

But, my friends, the question here
is not one of overzealous harassment
or the misguided efforts of a xeno-
phobic nation who have this week
aimed their wrath at a folk hero from
the 60s and 70s who is responsible for

such feel good hits as “Wild World”
and “Peace Train.” No sir. The ques-
tion is: who és Cat Stevens really?
After folk became obsolete and
unimportant, Stevens saw the next

wave of popular radical expressionism
and caught it—Islam. He took on the
name Yusuf Islam, demonstrating the
simplistic creativity that propelled him
to the height of folk stardom. “Ooh
baby baby, it’s a wild world,’ doesn’t
just rhyme with “Pll always remember
you like a child, girl” all by itself, you
know. Well, I guess it does—but do
you think “Cat” is even his real name?
Yusuf Islam was born Steven Dimetti
Georgiou before he was Cat Stevens.
That’s like Muslim, Commie, and Dr.

  

rk

Seuss all in one. What is he hiding?

It may be his work with Small
Kindness, a humanitarian relief
organization that is accredited by, or
in cahoots with, the United Nations. It
may be his donation of all the pro-
ceeds from his 2001-released box set
to the September 11 Fund. Or maybe
Homeland Security Secretary Tom
Ridge just felt like he was being fol-
lowed by a moonshadow.

Either way, agent Cat
has been sent back to
England. Now if we could only catch
Raffi and crush his baby beluga
jihad....

secret
Stevens

You Eediots

In a report released last Friday, the
RCMP has admitted failures in its
handling of the Maher Arar case.
Arar, a Canadian citizen, gained
national media attention when he was
deported by the US and held in Syria
for over a year, receiving neither a
continental breakfast nor protection
from international treaties banning

 

 

the use of torture.

The report cites the Mounties’
inability to deal effectively with the
heightened demand for information
in the post 9-11 orgy of suspicion a
failing that likely lead to the hasty
divulging of Arar’s file. Information
was given without restrictions as to
what could be done with it or how it
could be used; there is speculation
that Canadian intelligence may have
been handed over to Syria by the US
with Arar. The RCMP did everything
but hook the electrodes to the
Canuck’s nads.

As badly handled as Arat’s case was
by the Kilted Yaksmen (Ren and
Stimpy reference—dig deep kids), US

authorities defied American law when
they deported Arar to a country that is
known to use torture—a violation of
the FARRA Act of 1998 that adopted
the recommendations of an interna-
tional convention that prohibits such
transfers. The Yanks countered that
they had diplomatic assurances from
Syria that no torture would be
involved. Good to see relations have
normalized between the US and Syria.

A tersely worded letter sent by the
Human Rights Advocates organiza-
tion to the US Department of
Homeland Security regarding the Arar
case, and on behalf of the many peo-
ple who eat different food and have
funny names that are being detained
indeterminately, reminded the depart-
ment that “the legal obligation not to
send people back to torture is
absolute.”

And that is our big reward, for
being the-uh-uh Roy-oy-al Canadian,
Kilted, Yaksmen.

DUNEPPPeSS | 7