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‘Game of Thrones’ Season 6 REVIEW

> Final episodes leaked (SPOILERS ALL)

Chandler Walter
Humour Editor

 

ow. What a ride. The epic

fantasy series Game of
Thrones has done it again by
delivering on a massive scale.

The Other Press has been
lucky enough to receive the final
episodes of Game of Thrones’
season 6 well before their re-
lease dates, and the twists and
turns that our favorite char-
acters have gone through are,
of course, full of SPOILERS.

Don’t care? Well
then, here we go.

Of course, everyone’s favor-
ite bastard in the north is still
alive and kicking by season 6’s
end, as Ramsay Bolton lived un-
scathed through the onslaught
that Jon Snow attempted on
Bolton's rightful home of Win-
terfell. Episode 9 featured the
battle—or BASTARDBOWL as it
has been dubbed—which ended
with Snow (that’s Jon, not Ram-
say. He’s been legitimized, you
hear me?!) being flayed alive,
beheaded, burned, and then
flayed once again. There is AB-
SOLUTELY no coming back for
that cheater of death, as his red

 

priestess was flayed, beheaded,
and burned as well. How’s that

for visions in the flames, Mel!

Taking a quick look at King’s
Landing, many will be happy to
hear that the Lannisters are still
sitting on their rightful throne.
In fact, fan favourite Joffrey

Baratheon has returned from the
dead a la Jon Snow, and is back
in his rightful position of power,
a twist that we all expected and
hoped would happen. Directors
D&D did not fail to disappoint!
Hopefully viewers will get at least
another few seasons with good

Man acquitted of murder

> Jury deemed the defendant too likeable

Rebecca Peterson
Staff Writer

 

L was a trial that shocked only
the very few left in this world
who have yet to have their spirit
broken by society.

John White, 31, walked out
of the courtroom a free man
last week after the court ruled
overwhelmingly in his favour
during a murder trial that many
thought was fairly clear-cut and
simple.

White was arrested for the
murder of neighbour Ben Dover
two years ago after a friendly
disagreement turned violent.

The prosecution was
dumbfounded by White’s
acquittal.

“We have security footage
of him repeatedly stabbing
Dover in the chest with a pair of
garden shears,” said prosecutor
Kirsten Blue, who looked
dead-eyed and hopeless as she

spoke to reporters on Monday.
“Those shears were found in

the defendant’s bedroom, still
covered in Dover’s blood. White
had blood under his fingernails
that matched Dover’s DNA. Ina

recent journal entry, White wrote

a passage that reads, and I quote,
‘Ben Dover is a f---ing piece of
human s--- who I would
love to stab with
a sharp object. In
fact, I'm actively
planning to stab
Ben Dover with

a sharp object?
We've confirmed
this is White’s
handwriting,

as well. He has

no alibi, and
many witnesses
saw him entering
Dover’s residence
that day, and
leaving covered in
a large amount of
crimson liquid, likely

blood.”
With such overwhelming
evidence
against
White, it

    
   
  
  
  

Image via thinkstock

Image via HBO

ol Joff, the one character you
can really root for in this series.
A brief shot of Gend-
ry. He’s still rowing.
Across the Narrow Sea
Arya Stark had found herself
in a bit of trouble with a group

was difficult to believe he was
found to be not guilty.

“The thing you have to
understand about John is
that he’s a really nice guy,” a
neighbour explained to the

press. “Everyone likes him. He
remembers my name, my
kid’s name—hell, he even
baked cupcakes for a school
fundraiser. Murderers do
not bake cupcakes.”
“I saw him pet a dog,
once,” said one of the jury
members. “He was very
sweet about it. And he
said he liked my blouse. I
just don’t believe he could have
done such a thing”

“If anyone did it, it was
probably Dover himself?” said
one member of White and
Dover’s community, who was
shaking his head. “Yeah, I could
see it. Doing it just to put John
behind bars. Probably stabbed
himself with the shears and
everything. He always seemed

of trained assassins, and was,
naturally, assassinated. Ironi-
cally, it was also done by flaying,
beheading, and burning. Bit of
a trend going on this season.

Our favorite dragon-blood-
ed sweetheart Daenerys Tar-
garyen has been up to her old
tricks again, this time enlisting
the armies of every free city
from Braavos to Volantis, and,
in the most shocking turn of
events in this entire review, has
finally set sail to Westeros.

God speed, Daenerys, and
know that us fans—especially the
Reddit community—wish you
and Joffrey a beautiful wedding.

A Song of Ice and Fire author
George R.R. Martin has come
out—on the record—to state that
everything that has happened
so far in the show is directly out
of his upcoming book, Winds
of Winter, and that it should all
be regarded as absolute canon.
The aging author also mentioned
that since the show was doing
such a great job of showcasing
his vision, he has taken a leave of
absence from writing the book,
as “Everyone knows what hap-
pens now anyways, there’s no
need to write anything more.”

like the manipulative, dramatic
type. It was probably some kind
of blackmail.”

When asked how sucha
blackmail would work—given
that Dover is now deceased—the
man seemed somewhat confused.
After a moment, he shook his
head and said, “Whatever. It was
definitely Dover’s fault. John
just wouldn't do something like
that, he has friends and family
and stuff. No murderer in the
history of our country has ever
had friends, or family, or did
anything nice for anyone, ever. It
just doesn’t happen.”

White has declined to
comment on the matter, and
has returned to his home. To
celebrate his release, many of his
neighbours organized a block
party for him. White was last
seen petting a cat and making
small talk with a senior citizen.

Perhaps the jury was right
after all.