New Orleans Saints Demoted From
“America’s Team” to “Moldova’s Team”

By “Salty” Liam Britten

NEW YORK, NY — After an all-day
meeting with shareholders, owners,
players, and staff, National Football
league Commissioner Roger Goodell
has announced that the New Orleans
Saints, nicknamed “America’s Team”
after their success in the 2006 season
and destruction of their home city
after Hurricane Katrina, have been
stripped of their nickname, and demoted
0 “Moldova’s Team” due to poor
performance during the 2007 season.

“It was not an easy decision to
make,” Goodell told assembled
reporters. “But let’s face it; the people
of New Orleans have lost their homes,
livelihoods, and some have even lost
their lives, and even these destitute
people are disappointed in the Saints’
performance.”

There were high hopes for the Saints
this season. After turning around their
3-13 2005 season into last season’s 10-
6 performance, their 2-4 position after
week seven is highly disappointing to
many.

“We are confident that our change
in national allegiance will be a good
move,” said Tom Benson, team owner.
“Moldova is a small, weak nation, has
a history of military defeat, and a low

GDP. We feel that this mediocre-to-
poor nation’s disappointing transition
from a command to market economy
will be a perfect fit for the Saints’
performance in 2007.”

The question of who will be the new
“America’s Team” is currently in the air.
Goodell could not make any definite
statements about the next title holder,
but confirmed “we have been in talks
with both the San Diego Chargers and
the Pittsburgh Steelers.”

“Our first instinct was to go after the
New England Patriots. I mean, let’s
face it, Tom Brady is pretty much the
embodiment of America,” Goodell said.
“Great physique, a great pass rating,
firm buttocks, Tom Brady and the
Patriots was definitely our first choice.
Unfortunately, Norway made a very
appealing offer in the off-season, and
frankly, America simply cannot compete
with their Human Development Index
score and high literacy rate.”

As for the players of the Saints, they
appeared to take the news in stride.

“Could be worse,” offered Saints
running back Reggie Bush. “St. Louis is
0 and 7 this season. They’ll be lucky to
be Senegal’s Team.”

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