Ether Press

Volume 23 © Issue 6 © October 14 1998
Room 1020-700 Royal Avenue
New Westminster, BC

V3L 5B2
submit@op.douglas.bc.ca
Fax 525.3505 or 527.5095
David Lam Campus

Room a3107

Phone 527.5805

The Other Press is Douglas
College’s autonomous student
newspaper. We've been pub-
lishing since 1976. The Other
Press is run as a non-hierar-
chical collective, which
means that if anything goes
wrong, blame it on Trent.

The OP is published weekly
during the fall and winter
semesters and monthly [as a
magazine], during the sum-
mer.

We receive our funding
from a student levy collected
every semester at registra-
tion, and from local and
national advertising revenue.

The Other Press is a member.

of the Canadian University
Press (CUP), a cooperative of
student newspapers from
across Canada. We adhere to
CUP’s Statement of Common
Principles and Code of Ethics.
The Other Press reserves the
right to choose what to pub-
lish, and what not to publish,
but usually we print every-
thing, unless it is racist, sex-
ist or homophobic. If you
have any quibbles with what
we choose, maybe you should
get your lazy butt down here
and help.
Coordinators

Athletics ~ Hamish Knox

sports@op.douglas.bc.ca
Athletics Assistant:

Culture ~ Jochen Bierptumpel
a&e@op.douglas.bc.ca
Culture Assist:

Coquitlam ~ Lorenzo Sia
cog_coordinator@op. douglas. bc.ca
Coq. Assist: Holly Keyes

CUP Liaison ~ Cathy Tan
cup@op.douglas.bc.ca
CUP Assist: Jennifer Swanston
Distribution ~ Pierre Florendo

Dist. Assist provided by:

Features ~ Annette Martin
features@op.douglas.bc.ca
Feature Assist:

News ~ Homan Sanaie
news @op.douglas.bc.ca
News Assist:

OP/Ed ~ Tom Laws
opinions @op.douglas.bc.ca
OP\Ed Assist: Dunnohername

Photography ~ Dave Tam
photo@op.douglas. bc.ca
Photo Assistant: Kristina Holtz

Production ~ Joanna Cole
production.co@op.douglas.bc.ca
Production Assistants:

Webslinger ~ Mark Smeets
op_web@op.douglas.bc.ca
Web Assistant:

Employees
Advertising ~ John Morash
ad@op.douglas.bc.ca
Bookkeeping ~ Zahra Jamal
Production Resource ~

Joyce Robinson
production@op.douglas.bc.ca
Editorial Resource ~

Corene McKay
corene@mortimer.com

Contributors
New Westminster: Jason
Humber, Jason Rochon,
Sarah Galashan, Alex Bustos,
Behind the benches fellow,
Tom’s Chemistry Homework,
Rapid-Hippo Caldwell,
Rondelle Lascore.

David Lam: Erlina Megawati,
Sean Clark, Micheal Cox,
Marcel Martin, Maya
Fatmawati, Stella Chan.

 

 

  

thousands. Not because of anything
written in the paper, but because the
theme of most of the pieces is sex.
And people have sex on the brain.
Quality and ethics are ideas that have
long been defunct when one talks
about publications. The readership of
a magazine or newspaper has to do
solely with its amount of sex appeal.
The stories have to be about sex, and
the images have to be sexy. And why?
Because we, the general reading
public, cannot fathom having to use
our minds by reading something of
quality. Instead, we have to have
something written that is primal, that
is an instinct to us. This trend is far
from isolated. Advertisers, too, know

the value of posting ads featuring

 

et’s say youre thinking of
| eee a wild sexual weekend

with your significant other
and the same old sex is boring. You
can try Spanish Fly, or the Date
Rape drug, to spice things up, or
you can try it like the “most
powerful man in the world” did.
You can buy the same cigar Clinton
used with Ms Lewinsky right here
in the Lower Mainland. Here's
where to find them:

 

Pacific Tobacco
741 Columbia st
New Westminster, BC

PT: Hello, Pacific tobacco.

Op: Hi, yeah, I’m looking for a particu-
lar brand of cigar. I’m looking for the one
Bill Clinton used. Do you sell that one?

Yes, we do sell that one.

Really? What's it called?

Monte Cristo “A”

Really?

Yeah

How much are they?

They're about $70 per stick.

Wow.

Yeah.

So, just as sort of an aside, is that
something that you would recommend for
that sort of usage? Or is their another one

es the title of this issue,
LD our readership will probably
skyrocket into the high

 

scantily-clad people, instead of
merely explaining what their product
does because they know most people
wont read the ad anyway, but judge
the product based on how good the
picture looks. And if that image is a
sexy celebrity, then the readers’
attention is grabbed even quicker. Sex
and a celebrity mix as well as peanut
butter and jam.

An excellent example of how well
sex sells is the travesty going on right
now down in the states. Kenneth
Starr is a special prosecutor assigned
to the Bill Clinton sex scandal. How
many people didn't know that
already? Close to nil, because the
story has been everywhere. Does any-
one know what the last case was that
Starr worked on before this big sex
scandal?

Starr released a report of his find-

that you'd recommend?

For that kind of use?

Yeah.

Well, that you'd have to ask
President Clinton, we are just cigar
sellers here.

So, nothing then?

No, we just sell tobacco.

Oh, well okay then, Thanks.

Alfa Tobacco
No address in phone book

AT: Hello, Alpha tobacco.

Op: I'm looking for a particular brand
of cigar. I wonder if you sell it.

What is it?

A Monte Cristo “A”

Yeah, we sell those.

About how much are they?

Eh, about [what I thought was $39]

Jeeze, $39...

No, $79

Oh, that’s even worse.

Yeah, it’s Monte Cristo “A”

ings about the president to the gen-
eral public. Not on television, not in

newspapers, not on radio, not even as

a mail-out to people. He released it
over the Internet where he knew it
would do the most damage. And he
was right. As soon as people got
word that this was going to happen,
the site recorded more than a million
hits an hour—all to see what dirty
laundry the president had to hang
out.

Then, Clinton's entire taped testi-
mony was aired on national TV for
everyone to see. CNN reported hav-
ing the highest rating in years when
it aired. More than Nixon's address

sex. More importantly, people like
hearing about celebrities’ sex lives.
Contrast all this to gag orders
usually employed by judges during
sex trials, so that the public can be
spared the horror of having to de
with sex. That gag order is lifted
when the defendant holds celebrity

status.

  
  
   
 
 

Sex, sex, sex. Women say it’s. all
men think about. Madison Avenue
knows it’s all everybody thinks abo
all the time. And one can’t blame
media for blasting us with sex ima
and forcing us to see them, becaus
you can always turn the page, or

 

before getting canned. The ratings

were even higher than when people
watched the major historic moment

of Neil Armstrong landing on the

moon. And why? Because people like

..and sometimes it isn’t

Same length and everything?

Yeah, yeah. You know, I didn’t
know what Mr. Clinton smoked,
but that’s a big cigar.

Yeah. Well, thanks for your help.

Okay. Bye

Canadian Cigar Company
I1557A Marine

West Vancouver, BC

Sells the cigars for $69 bucks a

piece with a 10% discount for

. buying a box, but the guy I talked to

was a real asshole.

United Cigar Stores
Look in your phone book. These
people are everywhere.
UCS: Good afternoon, United
Cigar.
Op: Yeah, I’m looking for a Monte
Cristo “A”. Do you guys sell that one?
Um, hold on I’ll check.
Yup, they're about

k $80.
you know. ae
Yeah. .: d
It’s the biggest cigar available a Paap
in the world. Gi, thats a little more
You mean biggest as in fattest and than ie to po fr
longest? what I’m going to use it for.
Thickest and longest, yeah. . Dont you smoke
Really. cigars?
You come down here, you wall maybe after I'm
? : done with it.
will see the difference. ae
¢ 2 trys
Sn Ue Re ae hapa I is to use it like Bill
that Bill Clinton used, right? brand? Sleep with aay
So, if I was going to have a _ the president! th. ' k
m, Okay.

wild weekend with my girlfriend, and
wanted to use a cigar like Bill Clinton did...

Yeah, okay

Would you recommend that one or
something else?

We'd recommend this one. We
have another one it is called Cohiba
[or something like that] and it’s
about the same.

Is their another one there that might be a
little larger in diameter perhaps?
. No, sorry, we're very busy now
Okay, but if you...

And then she hung up on me.

But, let's suppose you're a
connoisseur of the fine leaf and

on their website at

  
 

change channels, or not look at all.
People are, basically, perverts. Give
a rest, and take some advice from a
great pervert Sigmund Freud:

“Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”

youre worried that you might be
buying a less than stellar cigar for
your affectionate moment. Cigar
Aficionado magazine rates the Monte
Cristo “A” as: “Wonderfully crafted
with a deep-coloured, smooth
wrapper. It burns perfectly and
delivers rich yet mellow coffee and
cedar flavours.” Or see for yourself

www cigaraficionado.com. If the lady of
the house wants to get involved in
what may be her greatest pleasure
ever, there’s a web page for women
at cigarwoman.com which rates the
shape, texture, and diameter of
cigars especially for women. Useful
for her pleasure and yours.

    

Nothing opens her box like a cigar.

If you can get past the fact that
because Clinton used a Cuban cigar
with Monica, she can now be prose-
cuted under the Helms-Burton bill
which holds those who have any-
thing to do with Cuba (even inti-
mately) fiscaly responsible, you
should have a great time.
Remember, everyone loves a good
cigar every now and then.

 

Page 2 October 14 1998

The Other Press