Se ptember 21, 1994 Seta I feel gypped. Before I get into the details, a bit about me. Like you, I attend classes at Douglas College. Like most people, I pay a lot of tuition fees, book charges, transpor- tation costs, and use up a lot of energy in order to attend said classes. This does not take into consider- ation such expenses as food, rent, heat,- electricity, and the eventual interest charges on my brand spanking new student loan. I do not pre- sently have a job. When I originally tried to register at this fine, fine institution, rising at six in the morning (because that’s the hep thing to do, obviously...) to punch, and I mean punch, numbers on my oh-so-handy miracle of tech- nology that is my telephone, I spent a long time alternately listening to dial tones and busy signals. Finally, after over two hundred minutes of dialing, I got a non-busy signal response. The phone was ringing!!! And ringing! And ringing and ringing... Forty-five minutes - I am not exaggerating here - of rings later, the sexy and lively Telereg guy announced to me in his notorious recorded drone, “The Telereg System is now closed. Please call back during normal hours of operation...” Frustrated as hell, I pulled out the Student Calendar, half expecting a picture of President Bill Day, laughing and "Strip" Cops have the right by Jeff Laschuk Imagine yourself walking down the 800 block of Granville Street, downtown. Perhaps you are on your way to the Roxy nightclub, the McDonalds on the corner of Smythe, or wherever. Suddenly, your arm is twisted behind your back, and your face implanted into a brick wall, nose first. You can’t move at all, and the person holding you there keeps telling you to take off your clothes. Sound like a rapist? Maybe it’s a mugger? NO! It's your friendly neighborhood police officer! Sound impossible? Well, that’s just what I thought until I heard that just last year, the ever so high and mighty Vancouver City Council decided to pass a law making STRIP SEARCHES totally legal. That is, if you are in a high risk area like the 800 block of Granville Street, or East Hastings, or you look suspicious (ie. leather jacket or Doc Martens boots top their list- not a gun under your coat or anything trivial like that ) [you may be subject to a strip search]. Personally, I think that this is one helluva big no-no. According to our country's constitution, (item #8), everyone has the right to be secure against unreasonable search and seisure. To be publicly embarassed in the middle of an inner-city thoroughfare such as Granville street by being told to strip to your underwear seems just a tad unreasonable to me. Perhaps George Orwell's book “1984’ wasn’t too far off the mark when it said,"Big Brother is watching you". pointing, to be front and center with a caption reading something along the lines of, “Na na na na na na...” I called the registrar’s office, all ready to lace right into the staff member on the other end of the line, and wouldn't you know it?They were damned nice. Polite, even. I feel bad that I didn’t think to get the woman's name. She was a great help, and I couldn't even get three words of complaint out before she offered to register me in person, right then and there. Next, | suppose they'll want blood... Stunned, I flipped through my Calendar and called out five numbers. From past experiences with our beloved Telereg, I knew I didn’t stand a hope in hell of getting two of my desired courses, so I gave her five Course Numbers. A hushed silence fell over the entire Western Hemisphere as she pressed ‘enter’ and requested those 15 credits. Banks lowered interest rates. Governments toppled. Businesses closed their doors. Chernobyl stopped glowing. Other Press And as a new consciousness dawned upon the Ku Klux Klan, the angelic voice from the registrar's office said, “Buy a lottery ticket, honey, because you got all of “em.” Holy spit, eh? All this shit going down, and I manage to get all my courses! Oh, poor baby, right? Here's where the dagger hits me in the back. The next day, I decided that a number of factors would peovelty prohibit me from adequately handling five courses. Not the last of which, by the Way, is my position as your friendly neighbourhood student journalist. Also, I am a member of the Other Publication Society Personal and Sexual Harassment Grievance Committee, occasionally volunteer for several organizations, and even attempt to have a social life. Thus, I once again cozied up to the phone, and dialed that crazy bitch that is Telereg. Two days I tried to get hold ofher, and do you think I could? I think not. She was probably out with that other guy I've heard her speak of. Dee Registration, I think his name is... Okay, so I waited until I could wait in the lineups for the Registrar’s Office. Fun times abound, for sure. I made new friends, I learned some things... It was like Sesame Street all over again. Finally, just as these two guys named Bert and Ernie started singing about pigeons and ducks, I made it to the front desk. There, I found it was necessary to acquire the signature of my professor. A professor whom I had never met, nor taken a class with, nor intended to meet or take a class with. I did this, running down to the Humanitarian Arts field base and begging for a signature from anyone within earshot. Upon my return to the Registrar's Office, as I stepped over the rotting ns r The future is in your hands If You Are: * Caring, Conscientious and Self-motivated ¢ Looking for professional and personal growth ¢ Planning to become a member of the Healthcare team * Provides an holistic approach to conservative health care * Has legislative recognition in all ten provinces ¢ Chiropractic is the third largest primary contact health profession in Canada. The Canadian Memorial Chiropractic College, the finest chiropractic college in Canada, offers a four-year programme confering a Doctor of Chiropractic. Find out more by contacting: Director of Admissions Canadian Memorial Chiropractic College 1900 Bayview Avenue Toronto, ON M4G 3E6 1-(800)-463-2923 Deadline for application is December 31. carcasses of three unlucky souls that hi i Seen didn’t survive The Waits, I was rewarded with a little piece of paper officially dropping me from Philosophy 123. YAY! “Um, thanks. When can I expect my money back?” I asked sheepishly, hiding behind my new $80 Psych text. The response I heard nearly knocked me unconscious. “Oh, I’m sorry. I should have mentioned that. There is a $100 processing fee, and you'll receive 80% of the balance in the mail in a few weeks. G’bye.” One hundred dollars? Excuse me, but isn’t this a school?A tax-assisted post secondary institution?That’s what I thought. Hello, but I thought my tuition was supposed to pay my way here. Hell, I pay DCSS fees, building Lei a Bl $70 € fees, Other Press fees, and untold other fees to attend this college. I even have to pay to get involved in stress relieving activities like intramurals. Douglas College should expect no additional fees to drop me from a class. Especially when they employ a technologically impotent system to register us, the frustrated and powerless populace. In fact, I should be applauded for going out of my way to open up this spot for some other student in time for them to get in. Oh no, I’m penalized. Raped, even. I don’t know about everyone else, but I feel gypped. UP On ENO A or COMMODORE ranville Mall * 681-7838 In the Hearbot Downtown Vancouver * hally \ir Conditioned pieelit St Meira 9; oopm DIXIE DREGS featuring Steve Morse with special guest RONNIE MONTROSE WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 21 ¢ Doors 8:30pm GIB FOR ELECTRIC LUNCH presents ii TMs Th 70°S ROCKERS URIAH HEEP featuring guitarist MAC Ga bio. WITHESPECIAL arests U INCLE SID FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23 ¢ Doors: 8:30P.m. Warner Recording Artists ’ with special guests THINGS OF STONE & WOOD plus ADAM WEST SATURDAY ¢ SEPTEMBER 24 DOORS 8:30PM ® id presents from Jamaica sueto ina cavers n DIAMONDS WITH SPECIAL GUESTS PropLe Piayinc Music SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 ¢ eee +S 00 MEX Etectaic LUNCH PRESENTS y DR. 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