issue 21 // volume 42 humour // no. 23

 

Photo illustration

A heroic act of
valour praised
by millions

> Girl quits social media, is regarded as

martyr by friends

Chandler Walter
Humour Editor

 

Last week history was made
as Rachel McCarthy, a sec-
ond year Douglas student,
decided that she had had
been spending too much
time looking at her phone.

McCarthy made the bold
step of permanently deleting
all of her social media pages
to free up her time to pursue
other interests. Her friends
mourned the loss of her sta-
tuses and pictures, but knew
it was for the greater good.

“Tt just happened so
suddenly,” said friend of
McCarthy and Twitter fol-
lower Regina Dowes. “One
day she was there, tweeting
about what she was thinking
about making for lunch, and
the next day she was just...
gone. I couldn't believe it.”

Though sad at the loss of
her follower and the occasion-
al “like” that came with McCa-
rthy being on Twitter, Dowes
agrees that it was for the best.
“I mean, we all always talk
about what life would be like
without social media, but you
never think someone is going
to actually do it, you know?”

Dowes said she had
plans to go for lunch with
McCarthy later that week,
but had no idea if it would
really happen, as McCar-
thy had no way to RSVP to
the Facebook event page.

Shortly before McCarthy
said farewell to all of her @

mentions and cat videos, she
posted a long, thought-out
goodbye to the world of social
media on her Facebook page.
“Tve decided to delete
my account. I think Face-
book is sucking the life out
of me and everyone around
me. Twitter and Instagram
are just shadows of television
and books, and I like to read
a lot. lam very literate and
smart, and I don’t need social
media any more. #BetterT-
hanAllOfYou #PeaceOut.”
The post instantly went
viral, and many in the In-
ternet community found
that McCarthy’s wisdom
shook them to the very core.
While not many have found
the same courage McCarthy
displayed, some have even
followed in her footsteps,
casting away the hypothetical
chains of electronic valida-
tions. Each of these brave
souls also posted long drawn
out statuses, and all who read
them were humbled by their
complexity and superiority.
When asked what she
saw to be the driving force
behind the movement that
she had started, McCarthy
was startled. “Wait what? I
honestly didn’t even know,
as I’m not on social media
any more. | wonder what
else | am missing out on...”
Shortly after the interview,
and three long days after her
last Facebook status, McCar-
thy re-activated her account,
as she had merely disabled it.

    

WILL DRAW FoR

  

= oop oR MoN L

 

 

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Image via thinkstock

Artist starves to death as art plece

> His genius praised post-mortem

Chandler Walter
Humour Editor

 

athan Daniels has become a
household name overnight,
as the artist has made big waves
in the community with his most
recent—and final—work of art.
Daniels began working as
an artist at a young age, drawing
grand depictions of dinosaurs
and clouds using nothing more
than crayons at the age of 15. He
then went on to study fine arts
at Douglas College, graduating
middle of his class, and holding
a steadfast determination to
make it as an artist. It was then
that Daniels began his most
exceptional piece of art work: a
performance art piece depict-
ing a starving, failed artist.
Daniels went so far with his
endeavor that he would spend
nights outside in the cold, beg

for money on street corners,
and attempt to sell small works
of art for $5 apiece. No one
knew that he was performing
the role of a starving artist,

and many tokens of these years
have been preserved in the
Metropolitan Museum of Art.

A few of Daniels’ select
friends were privy to the per-
formance that was underway,
such as Craig Jones, a fel-
low artist who graduated in
the same class as Daniels.

“I thought it was really brave
what he was doing,” Jones said of
his late friend. “It was amazing to
see such dedication to his craft.
Even when I finally had the nerve
to ask him about his work, he was
determined to see it out to the
end. He would tell me ‘I swear to
god, Craig, this isn’t an art piece.
I’m starving and need your help,
and I appreciated that, in a way, |
became part of the performance.”

“We all could see where he
was ultimately going with his
work,” Jones explained, “and it
hurt us to allow him to see it
through, but we serious artists
know you must never tread on the
genius of fellow artists. Hell, we
even played into the performance,
denying him a place to stay ora
meal when he—sorry, his char-
acter—became truly desperate.”

Along with a few belongings
and his old clothes, a journal has
been preserved in the Metropoli-
tan that Daniels wrote. It outlines
the seriousness of his predica-
ment, and how he was in no way
starving as performance art.

“You really need to appre-
ciate the brilliance behind it
all,” said performance art expert
Bradley Ports. “His perfor-
mance art became so true, so
vibrant, that it convinced even
the artist that it was reality.”

 

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