Damsel in a Deficit: the dick bun meets flying squirrel

How to have a good time while sticking to your detox, just stay away from Chinese Laundry!

By Stephanie Trembath,
Life and Style Editor

onsidering my recent attempt

to detoxify myself from all

obsessions, I will enlighten
readers with my current progress. Thus
far into the game I am seven days sober
and sushi free. I’d like to say the same
about my Starbucks addiction, but
cramming for midterms I think gives
me a personal “get out of jail free” card.
So, I am sober, sushi, and Starbucks free
(sorta, as while I write this I am sitting
in a Starbucks cafe). As for literature, I

have had not a spare second to enjoy any
reading material other than Richard III
and Titus Andronicus, complements of
my English professor, so thus far into the
game I think I am doing quite splendid.
With one exception:

Clothes. Old habits die hard they
say, well mine don’t die at all. They
keep me awake all night and haunt me;
following me with an evil stare and
talons that pierce my flesh and scream
“BUY ME BUY ME BUY ME”. So of
course I give in. Who wants a tormented
soul?

Since I have admitted this much I

 

might as well disclose the very article that
caused me to break my detox a mere four
days into the game. In my own defence I
was shopping for a birthday gift for my
sister, so I was doing a good deed when I
stumbled upon a pair of black leather boots
by Chinese Laundry that caused me to shell
out over half of my March’s month rent.
They were on sale, but I will not say for
how much. I will say that they are beautiful
and I have not taken them off since, save
getting into bed.

With that said, my detox will continue
on until an undetermined date, and |
have since found other ways to entertain
myself when out socializing with friends.
I decided to enlighten my own night by
putting together outrageous and might I say
courageous outfits that I normally wouldn’t
wear. The last girls night I ventured out in
a creative ensemble which included soccer
socks, a mini-skirt, my flying squirrel shirt,

lf Fe and styie

and, the dick-bun. The socks and skirt
are self-explanatory, but I should explain
that my squirrel shirt is a large, white,
rectangular shirt that hangs loosely on my
shoulders until I stick my arms out at either
side. When I hold my arms out at shoulder
level, because the shirt is shaped exactly
like a rectangle, I look exactly like a flying
squirrel does right before it parachutes
down from a tree. Ah, soccer socks and a
clean get-away; perfect ensemble so far.
Next, the dick-bun is modelled after a
small, tight, Japanese style bun I twist atop
my head. However, after my girlfriends
consumed a few too many drinks, my
Japanese fashion inspired hair-do was
unfortunately named the dick-bun. And so
it stuck.

If you wish to enlighten your life join
me; who knows what creative outfits may
inspire.

 

 

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