Nikalas Kryzanowski, Opinions Editor opinions @theotherpress.ca Beware of hipsters! Once a year, student journalists from all over the country gather together at a national conference to share ideas and compare the quality of their newspapers. Well, I just got back from said conference and found in large quantities a group of people I’m sure that you’ve encountered during your post-secondary education: the hipster. The student hipster has many easily identifiable qualities about him or her. First off, the chief requirement for any aspiring hipster is a passionate hatred of America. You should probably believe that Saddam really wasn’t that bad as well. Also, you must think along the lines of the extreme left of the political spectrum. Usually, the typical student hipster will get very preachy and overly dramatic— particularly about politics. For example, whenever there is an election approaching, the student hipster should be regularly referring to anyone with a conservative thought pattern as a fascist or Nazi, and whoever is leading a right-leaning party will usually be known to fellow hipsters (and everyone else) as Hitler. Environmental issues are also huge with campus hipsters. Aside from continually pointing out how green they are because they use biodegradable paper, young hipsters will routinely lecture people who really have no interest in their opinion about how driving a station wagon to school is single-handedly destroying the planet. Cycling is another common hipster trait. There is nothing wrong with hopping on the bike, but the average hipster insists on riding in the middle of the road during rush hour with a smug smile on their face. Common to all hipsters as well is a love of indie rock that nobody has ever heard of. However, one sacrifice that you’ll have to make if you want to join their ranks is that when your favourite Killers-wannabe indie band gets either signed or popular, then you are forbidden to like them anymore. In fact, it would probably be best if you began calling them sellouts and referring to their fans as poseurs. On the education front, if you want to be a hipster, you should almost always By Garth McLennan call your professors by their first names—even if nobody else does —take obscure philosophy or environmental issues courses and generally stay in college or university many years more than other students. All of your studies should be conducted with an Apple computer, and scolding looks should be shot at anyone with a PC. Politically themed shirts are popular hipster options as well. If you wear articles of clothing insulting Israel, have an American flag with a Swastika covering it or talk about how great communism is, then you’re doing great. When someone asks you about such clothes then you’re required to rant for a minimum of twenty minutes about how capitalism is destroying the world, America created terrorists and how Hamas really are the ones to lead Palestine. The most important aspect of a hipster’s attire has to be sending a political message. For the male hipster, Cuban-themed revolutionary caps with red Soviet stars on them are a popular choice, while their female counterparts can often be seen wearing knee high socks in colors that don’t match. A purple or pink streak should be seen in her hair while a smug know it all attitude is a must. Attention seeking ‘80s themed shirts are optional for both sexes. Either way, they should be unnaturally tight and feature Transformers or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pictures. Also, informing anyone with more money than you of your own crippling financial problems is another popular choice. While there are many essential things to remember, overall being a student hipster really isn’t that difficult. The baseline that you have to remember above all else is that anyone who votes to the right is evil and if they don’t agree with you about anything then making a scene, yelling and telling everyone about how horrible it is that they don’t agree with you is completely warranted.