i 10 ax Put those leather mules back in the closet ) Five pieces of clothing that scream, ‘T should've worn a winter coat’ Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor fter months of waiting, false spring is finally here! One and a half weeks of sunshine that make you want to throw on your light, unlined jackets paired with your whitest white tennis sneakers. But wait! Winter isn’t truly over. As both my Weather app and my 78-degree thermostat can confirm, the beautiful sunshine rolling across Metro Vancouver is but a front for sub-zero temperatures. Dont fret, readers! Dress for the weather you want, not the weather you have. Want to project the feeling of spring, even though you called in sick to work because it’s too cold to leave your house? Try these five fashion items that'll scream, “Damn, I should be wearing an ugly winter jacket!” Raincoat Where fashion meets function! A thin plastic raincoat will have you saying “I don’t even need an umbrella” in no time! Don't let this children’s-head-sized hood fool you, your hair will be sopping wet if there's even a chance of a slight drizzle. As an added bonus, the paper-thin, plastic- wrap-like texture of the jacket means it provides absolutely no insulation. A must-have for anyone who thrives on being uncomfortable! Canvas shoes with no socks Nothing like almost-bare foot slapping against icy pavement! While the scant two inches of exposed ankle seemed like ) 4 nothing when standing in the warmth of your own home, the frigid air of January seems as cutting as your hydro bill. Instead of wearing a thick boot and sock combo, you ve braved the outdoors in glorified house slippers. Well done! Kimono jacket The long, airy kimono sleeves will surely cocoon you and keep you warm, right? Wrong! It’s a scientific fact that all kimono jackets are made of spun sugar and dust motes. Go ahead and layer two turtlenecks and a thick cardigan underneath—you'll still end up like Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining. Sexy! Big scarf and nothing else No, I don’t mean fully nude—although that itself seems like a cold weather faux pas. Even though it’s cold enough to freeze your damp hair into one big hair popsicle, throwing a big scarf over a tank top should keep you warm, right? Note: This definitely applies to Aritzia blanket scarves, which I hope to be buried in one day. Skirt with no tights All jokes aside, this is borderline criminal and anybody caught on the street without tights from the months of January to March should be fined. I’m not emotionally prepared to see bare leg until at least April, and it seems borderline obscene to see any knees before Good Friday. Wrap ‘em up, people! Have an idea for a story? M humour@theotherpress.ca fine Restaurant sends four sets of chopstick humour // no. 15 e Failure to grab drinks could result in ¢ Phone call with mom really long and depressing e ...and more! Illustration by Cara Seccafien for sushi meal for one > ‘Four sets of chopsticks, but only one serving of pickled ginger?’ Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor (¢T’ve never felt so betrayed,” said Phillip Dumay, 27, at a press conference last Tuesday. After a long day of working retail, Dumay ordered takeout from his favourite Japanese restaurant, Sushi Super. “Even though I only live a 15-minute walk away, I used SkipTheDishes to get it delivered,” Dumay added. “It was a real tough day.” To add insult to injury, the sushi order showed up at Dumay’s house with four sets of chopsticks—even though the meal was for Dumay alone. “After a long shift of folding and cc It was a real tough day. “No, this is a good amount of food for two post-marathon runners, or a barbershop quartet,” she told reporters. “ve been working in the sushi industry for seven years, and I’ve never seen a single person who was able to eat this amount of rice in one sitting.” “T could easily eat that, and more,” said Dumay. “It hurt that they assumed I had three other people to share this well- proportioned meal with” Other Press reporters talked to food scientist Orville Butterworth to learn more about the correlation of stress and food. “When people have a long, tiring day at work, they seek to fill the void left by the lack of job-provided healthcare with the most amount of oil and carbs they — Phillip Dumay, hungry man refolding shoddily-made clothing at Zara, the only thing I want to do is go home, put my feet up, and stream nine consecutive episodes of Rupaul’s Drag Race while eating seven pounds of sushi without judgement,” Dumay told reporters. “Is that too much to ask?” Reporters went straight to the source to find out what the order entailed. Natsuko Nakamura, a waitress at Sushi Super, pulled up Dumay’s bill. “He ordered the veggie combo, which is a vegetable roll, cucumber roll, and an avocado roll. Then agedashi tofu, a sweet tofu roll, a yam roll, edamame, and a side of vegetable tempura,’ Nakamura said. “And a Diet Coke.” Did Nakamura believe this was a meal for one? can consume,” said Butterworth. “People who have to say, ‘What can I get for you?’ more than 20 times a day are more prone to ordering these meals. So are people who have to wear an ugly uniform, or one that chafes in either the crotch or the neck. Basically, any job in the food, beverage, or hospitality sectors—any job that has to deal directly with the public.” “Tm not the first person to face discrimination against the size of my meal, and I won't be the last,’ Dumay said. “I’m standing up for myself and for other workers in the public sector who just need a little time—or a lot of food—to unwind” When reporters left, Dumay was ordering a cauliflower burrito, two sweet potato tacos, and a small size of nachos. “For one,” he added.