Slack hacks for back to school

> Handy tips for a laid-

Joe Slacquer
Contributor

back semester

 

[ that time of year again,
time to remove the shrink
wrap from your textbooks and
crack open a new notebook.
Now, if you're anything like me,
school is an okay place to be.
You get to hang out with your
friends, the cafeteria food is all
right, and you don’t actually
have to put in that much effort.
If only the instructors weren't
so insistent on students paying
attention! But, with these tips,
I'm here to help you achieve a
carefree classroom experience.

1. Insist on the proper
pronunciation
of your name

Instructors hate having to
pronounce long, complicated
student names, especially when
they know they don’t stand a
chance of getting it right. If
you're fortunate enough to have
an almost unpronounceable
name, then you've got it made!
Your instructors will almost
never call on you. But if your
name is easy to pronounce—
like Joe—make sure to tell

your instructor that they are
pronouncing it wrong. When
correcting them, come up with
the strangest, most outlandish
pronunciation possible. If they

repeat it back correctly, tell 2. Sit in the front row

them they're still wrong. They

 

Aiihanee

Image via Thinkstock

in the front row, read the course
textbook really close to your face,

wont want the headache, and
you'll be sitting pretty with
a question-less semester.

I know this sounds like the
opposite of what you should do if
you want to slack off, but trust me
on this one. When youre sitting

or take enthusiastic notes that
require constant scribbling the
entire time. Your instructor will
get so distracted and frustrated

that they will ask you to sit in

the back row so you're not such

a distraction. Once youre back
there, it’s smooth sailing for

the rest of the semester, with

the opportunity to do whatever
you want. And the best part?
Your instructor sent you back
there themselves, giving you full
permission to be your slacker self!

3. Have a coded set
of notes handy

If your instructor asks to see your
class notes, have a coded set at
the ready. Instead of showing
them your blank page, show
them a page of complex codes
and symbols, and explain their
meanings: some letters are
replaced with numbers, sentences
can be written forwards or
backwards, and that doodles
that looks like tic-tac-toe? Those
are the homework assignments.
Once your instructor wraps

their head around what you're
saying, they'll see that you do
keep notes (bonus points!), but
that it’s far too complicated for
them to try to read. They'll never
ask to see your notes again.

Still clueless about how to
slack off this September? Just
kick back, relax, and let your
slacker instincts take over.
Honestly, the less work you put
into it, the better you'll be at it.

 

CHIROPRACTOR CHIROPRACTOR

 

 

Y | dan't know why you
brought me here, it's net |
Me onna change anything

WHAT YOURE WEARING

 

 

 

 

 

: IS INDECENT”

 

 

 

 

: —
My | | |
—_— 2 hours later... | |

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHIROPRACTOR

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( crt)

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

| =|]

 

 

 

 

 

pe So

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

by David Manky, Senior Columnist by Rebecca Peterson, Interim Humour Editor