Vitamin C use among young people is on the rise.
Thats right folks, we’ve got trouble right -here in North

America. Thats trouble with a capital T and that
rhymes with V and that stands for Vitamin C.

In Florida last week, three juveniles who had started
doing vitamin C at the breakfast table were caught
going through an orange grove just south of Orlando in
search of a fix. The dirty little bastards were taken to a
Vitamin C detox center in Ft. Lauderdale. This same
One
drawback of attending this-clinic is that the three
youths will never be given .the chance to become
productive homosexuals. (Something to do with the

water.)
Increase consumption of vitamin C has been indicated

center was the one used to cure Anita Bryant.

by the steady rise in Tang sales as reported by General
Foods. This excessive use of the dangerous vitamin has
many undesirable long term effects, not only to the
individual addict, but to the economy as well.

» There are even little children who are exposed to this
vitamin every morning at the breakfast table. A good
_ percentage of these children are even forced to take it
before-they go to school. :

For the real hard core vitamin users they have Vitamin
C in tablet form. \When they don’t get their kicks from
just vitamin C anymore, they move on to harder
vitamins such as D, E, and B complex. Some people
even get into ‘‘iron’’ and taking all their vitamins in one
tablet.

The vitamin has been shown to promote good health

and has been proven useful in the warding off of colds.

This prolonged good health is extremely dangerous to a

person’s mental well being since the monotony that it
brings about also lends itself to extreme apathetic
attitude on the part of the addict.

Economic difficulties arise when doctors are forced to:

increase fees due to a drop in patients. This means that
the market is over run with doctors who have nothing to

do and so they must charge exorbitant rates for ‘‘wart
burning” in order to make enough to pay green fees for
six days a week instead. of four days.

lf we don’t stop this unrestricted use of Vitamin C,
soon we will never be able to stop since our whole
\_ economy will become C based.

 

April 8, 1980

 

 

 

ay

Press, smoothed back his
neatly combed hair and
contemplated his feature
story, ‘Religion in Douglas
College.’ He turned to his
fellow __ co-editor, Stan
Stillborn who was _ busy
reading the bible for news
stories.. ;

““Excuse me Danny-boy,’’
said Rob. ‘But would you
be so kind as to give me
your honest opinion on this

feature article | am
writing ?”’

“Jimmy Crikets!’’ ex-
claimed Stan. ‘‘I wish you
would refrain from inter-
rupting me when | am

reading the good book.’’ .

“‘Gosh Dan,’’ admonished
Mikey, ‘‘Your profanity is
getting terrible as of late. |
‘would remind you | have a
picture of my dear mother
in my wallet.’

“Tam sorry Mikey,’
apoligized Stan. ‘’I will try
to be more carefull in the
future.’’

“Say fellows,’’ said Ely
Popadopilus. ‘’Af ter we
finish here why don’t we go
to Rob’s for cups. of
steaming hot cocoa? Or
perhaps to Pop’s for a
soda.’’

‘Fine Ely,’’. said Rob.
‘‘But no cocoa for me; you
know what I’m like when
I’ve had a few.’’ | think I’Il
stick to milk and cookies.”

““Not your mother’s world
famous chocolate-chip
cookies?’ ‘asked Stan.

‘The very same,’’ smiled
Rob.

“Yum, Yum!
staff.

“‘l_am_ sorry,’

said the

 

,

   

responded

  
 

secular festivities as | have
a date tonight.’

“You do?’’ asked Rob.
‘‘Where did you meet your
charming date.’’

“At a church
explained Mikey. ‘‘We’re
going to a Walt Disney
movie, then to Pop’s for a
malted, then I'll take her
home promptly at nin
o’clock.’’ . ;

“Sounds like you have a
swell
commented Worthless.
“Tell me, will you shake
hands?’’

Mikey blushed. “Of
course not! Not on the first
date.’’

“Do | hear wedding
bells?’’ asked Brenda
innocently.

“Yes Mikey, she seems
like the type of girl a fellow
would like to take to the
alter,’’ commented Dan.

““Gee whizilkers fellows,’’
blushed Mikey, scuffing
the floor with his shoe,
“You're embarassing me to

pieces.’’
Just then the President of
Douglas College, Less

Breast, came into the Other
Press office. ‘’Hello my
good friends, | just want to
congratulate you on the fine
job you upstanding, young
red-blooded Canadian boys
are doing on the News-
paper. We’re all very
proud of you.’’’

Rob was touched by this
earnest, well-deserved
praise. ‘Thank you. very
much Less. We always try

to do our best to print.

factual, clear, informative
news-stories.’’
sa “8

San

     
 

social,’’ '

evening planned,’’ —

   
 

The Other Mess
Rob the Gee, Gee, Mikey. ‘‘But | will be “| know that Robert,’’
co-editor of the Other unable to partake in the answered Less with a

smile. ‘‘That’s why The
Other Press is looked upon
in such high regard around
the campus.’’ With a lat
friendly wave Breast de-
parted.

“Gee fellows!’’ exclaimed
Pat Worthless. ‘‘Isn’t Less
Breast just one of the best
people you could ever want
to meet?’’

“Salt of the earth,”
declared Stan fervently.

“And isn’t that Heaven
Pearlygates a fine fellow?’’
asked Ely.

“Fine fellow. . Fine, fine
fellow! declared the staff.

“And isn’t that Caroline
Steinstone a fine fellow?’

asked Mikey.
‘Fine fellow! Fine, fine,
fellow! A real Christian
women!’’
“And isn’t that Ted
Syringe a fine, fine
fellow?’’ asked Brenda
Cough. :
“Teddy! Fine fellow!

Just a swell guy!’’

‘Just a wonderful per- |
son!’’ declared Rob.
“And isn’t that Rod

Beggarman a fine fellow?’

asked Worthless. :
«|... fine....fellow....’”
“And isn’t the Onion a

fine paper?’ asked Ely.

““No,”’ said Rob. The rest
of the staff turned to him in
horror.

Rob went berserker.

“No it isn’t! And those
scum aren’t fine fellows!
And | hate cocoa! | drink
beer! And plenty of it! Like
this! And | don’t write
garbage like that! 1 write
garbage like this! Get away
from me!’’

2