Knowlton Knows

 

Quirky ads and CEO celebrities haunt consumers

A look back on recent years reveals two advertising trends consumers could do without.

 

middle-aged man who looks
reasonable for his years sits at
e dinner table with his eight

delightful children and lovely wife. He
signals for silence, and addresses them
each by name, indicating an important
announcement.. :

“I’m gay,” he says.

“Like, gay gay?” a daughter asks
after everyone exchanges awkward
glances.

“Like, super, super gay,” he
_ replies with a perverted smile while
rubbing her head.

And suddenly it’s a commercial
for Mr. Sub, a “Canadian classic you
can count on.”

Confused? Yeah, so is everyone else.

Mr. Sub and a horde of other
companies have taken to “quirky
advertising,” campaigns that up the
ante on what we perceive as abnormal
marketing techniques. But unfortunately
for them, all that weirdness is lost on the
average consumer.

Take a look at recent Subway

commercials. Which is the right sub? A
bright yellow submarine, or a Subway
sandwich? Why don’t we ask the
animated monkey in a pristine white lab
coat? Scientific monkeys and IQ tests just
don’t sell bread and deli meat. Consumers
are simply confused, and in some cases
agitated, by these companies’ odd
attempts to differentiate themselves from
competitors.

Subway and Mr. Sub have been
major culprits indeed, but alas, they are
not alone. Koodo, the cell phone brand,
likes to market itself with made-up
words like “koodotacular,” “tabulous”
and “bigbillification.” They also brand

themselves with neon pinks, greens, and
blues, and use retro-themed characters—
often of a subtly pedophiliac nature—to
insist that you purchase a phone and

plan with them for this reason and that.
Similarly, Old Navy has launched a string
of commercials that replace celebrities
and models with mannequins, which
don’t move but manage to exchange
awfully stupid conversations. And

consumers are encouraged to drink milk
by being presented with pointless, random
scenarios that often end faster than you
can say, “What the hell?”

Got milk? Why, yes, I do. But I don’t
get your commercial.

These ad campaigns fail on account
of disengaging the consumers from
positive connections and experiences, and
instead confusing the living crap out of
them.

Many companies that didn’t suffer
from the quirkiness disease instead
fell victim to overzealous CEOs-gone- _
spokespersons. There was a point in time
when nobody outside of a company knew

anything about that company’s CEO.
They were a mystery, a question mark.
For all the public knew about them, they
might as well have been mute. And now
we can’t get them to shut up.

Enter Bonnie Brooks, Galen Weston
Jr., Heather Reisman, and a slew of
other big-business CEOs. These ladies
and gents run giant companies —the
Bay, President’s Choice, and Chapters

Qari

respectively —supplied with multi-million
dollar marketing teams and schemes.
They have billions of dollars worth of
products to sell, so they’d better get their
advertising right. But does that mean they
have to do it all themselves?

From Brooks’ ruthlessly exhortative
(and tediously long; she must be pals with
David Suzuki) radio rants to Reisman’s
pretentious “Heather’s Picks,” the chief
executive officers of these Canadian
companies seem to be trying their hand
at spokesperson celebrity. Unfortunately,
they lack the influential charisma that
makes the reverse process effective:
celebrities turned CEOs, such as in

the cases of Martha Stewart, Oprah
Winfrey, and of course Donald Trump,

“Consumers are simply confused, and in some cases agitated, by these not to mention socialites and glamour
companies’ odd attempts to differentiate themselves from competitors.”

stars who start fashion lines and
_ alcoholic beverage labels.

As one infamously accurate
proverb points out, “He who is his own
lawyer has a fool for a client.” CEOs need
to stick like glue to the skills and talents
that earned them their position. And
playing the spokesperson is simply not
their forte.

In the end, consumers hope that
with a new decade, so too comes new
marketing techniques—ones that actually
make sense.

 

Should | stay or should | go?

What to do during the Olympic break

By Trevor Doré, Opinions Editor

he moment we have all been
| planning for and anticipating,
avoiding and dreading since 2003

is now just days away. Some people can
hardly wait for the Games and festivities
to begin, and plan to soak up every last
drop of spirit. On the other hand, some
will be going to great lengths to get as
far away as possible. So what is the best
thing to do, stay or go? While it all comes
down to personal opinion; here are some
reasons for both.

There are many reasons to stay. First
of all, chances are this will be a once in
a lifetime opportunity. Unless you’re a
complete Olympic buff, when will you
ever be able to take part in the two-week
festival again? Even if you are a complete
buff, chances are there will never been
another Olympics right in your own back
yard. People are coming from around
the world to take part in a party to which
we are host. This presents a wonderful
opportunity to get out and take in a truly
multicultural experience. Your tax dollars
have been poured into the event in order
to bring things up to Olympic standards.

Since we have already paid for it and will
continue to pay for it well in to the future,
why not get out and enjoy it while you
can? If you can get the time of work, and
don’t mind dealing with the crowds, there
are multiple free venues to be seen and

I imagine the atmosphere in downtown
Vancouver and Whistler with truly be
magical.

While there are many reasons to
stay, there are just as many reasons why
one might not want to take part in the
celebration. Perhaps all of the reasons to
stay just simply don’t appeal to you. You
see the Olympics as nothing more than a
marketing scheme and want nothing to do
with it. Thousands of visitors from around
the world might make for a wonderful
multicultural atmosphere nonetheless; one
of congestion, long line ups and inflated
prices. I guess it’s a good thing that there
are multiple free venues because unless
you are substantially wealthy, chances
of you getting to see an actual Olympic
event are slim to none. Ticket prices are
outrageous and seem to cater to those
of the wealthy minority. If you think
that enough of your money has already
been poured into the event staying away

 

is probably your best option. However,
if you don’t have the money to jet set
away to some tropical location, take the
time and spend it with friends and family
and if you’re a student, catching up on
homework.

While some of us have the luxury of
weighing our options, many don’t have a
choice. They must stay in order to fulfill
certain obligations. If you happen to be

one of these
individuals and
unfortunately
have to commute
anywhere close
to the Vancouver
core on a regular
basis, consider
it a good time to
start that book
that you have
been wanting
to read for the
last little while.
Chances are you
will have more
_ 4 than enough time
to plough through
it.

In the end, it comes down to
personal opinion. The Olympics will
no doubt be the festival of a lifetime,
provided you don’t mind the crowds,
gridlock and increased prices. On the
other hand, this could be the ultimate
excuse to get out of town, jet set to some
tropical location and soak up some rays.
Either way, the Olympics are coming so
why not try and make the best of it.

 

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