INSIDE DOUGLAS COLLEGE / MARCH 6, 1990

 

 

 

Adults learn to live with childhood trauma

hronic depression. Guilt. Sub-

stance abuse. Physical
problems. Persons who suffer from
any or all of these may have been
children of painful families.

"A painful family caused you
pain as you were growing up," says
therapist Jan Spilman. "Events may
have happened in your childhood
that made you angry or frightened

know humans don’t grieve alone.
But in an unhealthy family, there is
no emotional support. If you grow
up in that sort of environment,
there’s no one to share your grief
with. You stuff all that grief deep in-
side. Years later, those feelings get
in the way of your adult life. It’s
post-traumatic stress."

Spilman says children who ex-

 

"If you come from a painful family, you may have difficulty
establishing intimate relationships, and you may have
difficulty just having fun. Life is very serious for people
who grew up in painful families."

 

but you had no place to turn to
process your feelings. Painful
things have happened, but they’ ve
never been dealt with."

Spilman is offering a seminar at
Douglas College called Adult
Children of Painful Families on March
14. The goal of the workshop is to
help people understand what
makes a traumatic family, what it’s
characteristics are, and what kinds
of help are available if you were un-
able to deal with pain as a child.

Painful families elicit intense
emotion but "block the release of
that emotion,” says Spilman. "We

perience trauma carry certain pat-
terns of behaviour into their adult
lives. "The trauma can prevent an
adult from having healthy relation-
ships with others," she says. "If you
come from a painful family, you
may have difficulty establishing in-
timate relationships, and you may
may have difficulty just having fun.
Life is very serious for people who
grew up in painful families."

Very often, people who come
from painful families will deny it,
Spilman adds. But denial can lead
to psychological and physical
problems later in life. Children

from painful families may suffer
from chronic depression, numbing
or detachment from the world, al-
cohol and drug abuse, a sense of
guilt, a lack of self-esteem, and
chronic physical problems. They
may also demonstrate compulsive
behaviour like gambling or overeat-
ing.

But help is available. "If you
can get into a safe environment
where you’re given the emotional
support you didn’t get as a child,
you will start to grieve and start to
get better," says Spilman.

But improvement is not a quick
process. It can take two to three
years to complete the grieving
process. "The seminar is not in-
tended to solve problems of
delayed grief overnight. I don’t ex-
pect, at the end, that people will be
happy all the time," Spilman says.
"The goal is for people to live spon-
taneously and to be able to feel all
of their feelings."

The workshop, Adult Children
of Painful Families, will be held Wed-
nesday, March 14, 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.
The fee is $28. To register, call 527-
5472 or for information call 527-
5473. @

 

 

CPR A course for faculty and staff

Do you know the "signals" of a heart attack?
What action steps would you take to help a heart attack victim?
Come on — learn to be a first responder during this four-hour course!
Put your heart into it! (Red Cross Certificate issued). Pre-registration is required.

TUESDAY, APRIL 24 — 0900 TO 1300 HOURS

FREE

(co-sponsored by the Douglas College Training Committee and Community Programs & Services)

Please call 527-5472 or local 3001 to register.

 

co a RE NR Le