humour / 22

Recipe to (No) Riches:

How to destroy your GPA this summer

Sharon Miki
Humour Editor

™M humour
@theotherpress.ca

 

Are you looking to enjoy your
summer this year, but you're
enrolled in a summer semester?
No worries: simply follow this
recipe and you'll have a semester
full of memories—and poor
grades.

Ingredients:
1/2 Month-long Palm Bay

binge

3 Terrible-yet-time-
consuming summer flings
with totally inappropriate
partners

2 Summer music festivals to
skip class for

1/4 of your time spent
cruising around town with
the windows down to keep
your temperature regulated
instead of going to class

5 Textbooks bought but
never opened because “It’s
too hot to read today”

2 Days a week straight
chilling at the beach

Directions:

1) Really slowly combine all
ingredients together in your
life so that you don’t fully
realize how poorly you're
doing academically.

2) Whisk everything lightly
with a bit of aYOLO
attitude.

3) Receive your final grades.
4) Sob.

*Serves 1 really bad GPA

 

theotherpress.ca

 

By www.collegetimes.com

 

Teen arrested after tweeting about his grades

» Authorities say that there was something a little ‘too average’ about his Twitter

Livia Turnbull
Contributor

ixteen-year-old Alex

Wexham is your typical
teenager. He likes junk food,
angsts about dating, and has
a Twitter account. However,
Wexham’s life hasn’t been
in accordance with typical
teenage-hood since the
authorities showed up at his
front door Tuesday night.

“They said I was under

arrest for being suspicious,”
said Wexham. “I don’t
understand. I’m not like
those dumbasses who ended
up in jail after posting their
party pics all over Twitter.”

=

Alex Wexham

 

‘ a . Im getting a B in Science and aC in Math uc yea an

Collapse

6:08 PM -

4. Reply

Details

Reply to @wexbro69

Wexham’s Twitter account !
: showed nothing about him
: attending parties or doing

: any illegal activities. The

: last thing he tweeted about
: was his current grades

for two of his classes.

“Im getting a Bin Science

: anda C in Math #Fuckyeah
: #A&Wanyi,” said the tweet.

“Tm really bad at Math,”

Wexham explained, “but
: I don’t know why anybody
: would be upset over a ‘C.

”

“We're monitoring every

w Delete * Favorite *** More

 

: teen and college student’s

: Twitter now,” said head of

: the new Twitter-monitoring
: police division, NSAOKAY,

: Andrew Toshi. “Wexham’s

: Twitter just seemed a bit too
: normal for us. We'd expecta
: young person to try and get

: away with underage drinking
: or marijuana at least once.”

“Are you kidding me?”

: responded Wexham. “My

: parents would literally kill

: meif I] came home drunk or
: reeking of pot. They would
: also take away my phone.”

Alex Wexham was

: released with a warning

: totry and acta little more

: devious on his social media.
: Wexham has since deleted

By Joel McCarthy :

: “Trigonometry is a lot easier

: to understand than this.”

his Twitter account claiming,

“He'll be back,” said Toshi.

: “Young people can’t live

: without social media for very
: long. Now, if you excuse me,

: I’ve got to update our Twitter

: with this important bulletin.”