News We're No. 4!!! Brandon Ferguson News Editor a In the mood to celebrate? Well go ahead brothers and sisters because we’ve got the fourth best country in the world to live in, according to this year’s UN Human Development Index (HDI). Last year, Canada slipped to eighth best in the world—a drop from the top spot the beaver held for an unprece- dented seven consecutive years from 1994 to 2000. This year it was Norway leading the pack, followed by Sweden and Australia. The Americans were ranked eighth for . 2004, though they may have been weighed down by the poor collec- tive development in all the coun- tries they currently occupy. The annual survey focuses on human development indicators that are provided by a myriad of inter- national organizations (UNICEF, UNESCO, World Bank, IME WHO, Food and Agriculture Organization). The survey also tries to accommodate innovations in research collection, such as the use of Victim Report statistics rather than the often-skewed Police report data—good luck getting an accurate picture of a black man’s criminal experience in Cincinnati from one of their honky tonk cops. Surveys that assess adult literacy have been broadened and improved recently, offering the HDI more qualitative data from a wider range of coun- tries. Whereas literacy has tradition- ally been broken into two cate- gories—the literate and the illiter- ate—the new International Adult Literacy Survey reports on three: prose (think Shakespeare), docu- ment (think bus schedules and maps), and quantitative (think math, then stop). 6 | OtherPress J. The Index is a terribly intricate evaluation of international data, but is primarily based on four compo- nents: life expectancy at birth, adult literacy, ratio of people enrolled in different levels of education, and GDP per capita (think bling bling). Canada’s leapfrogging of four spots this year can be attributed to a rise in GDP per capita ($29,480 from $27,130), a modest increase in life expectancy (79.3 years from 79.2) and a minor increase in educa- tional levels, according to UN stats geek Ricardo Fuentes. “All the countries in the vicinity of Canada are very close,” Fuentes said, completely minimizing our human development victory over nations Netherlands, Belgium, and “Coalition of the Willing” power- house Iceland. “The human-devel- opment index is like a photo finish for all the highly developed coun- tries.” In contrast to our high ranking, Africa remains the taint of human development, with 27 of the bot- tom 30 spots held by the Dark Continent. Sierra Leone held off a late charge by Niger to once again claim the spot as worst in the world, the seventh year in a row the wart- torn nation has been ranked as such. The AIDS epidemic has deci- mated African populations and returned life expectancy to the days of Jesus—which was also around the same time we started treating Africa like a taint. In Sierra Leone you can expect to live for 34.2 years, 33.1 years in Zimbabwe, and 32.4 in Zambia. So live it up Canada—we’re No. 4! In hockey, human development, and turning blind eyes, we rule! 2004 August News Wears Short Shorts? Brandon Ferguson News Editor The LAPD are Pussies Our proud police enforcement agents have found a new way to kill you: Tasers. Normally resigned to the traditional method of severe beatings followed by neglect to injuries sustained, police have found the 50,000 volt jolts administered by the Star Trek- like tasers to be equally effective in restraining would-be assailants and killing off those with weak hearts. The issue of taser usage has come under fire after it was recently learned that yet another man died in police custody after receiving the “peppy” shock of law enforcement. Obviously slipping in their cover-up tactics, the Vancouver Police Department was only able to conceal the death of Robert Bagnell, 54, for one month. The VPD, who continue to use policies reminiscent of the Stanford Prison Experiment, have come under fire in the last few years for brutality and abuses of power. Next up for the VPD’s tactical response deployment? Forcing suspects to cross the street without looking both ways. It’s My Province and [ll Cry If I Want To Inspired by the public outcry over the most recent Kelly Ellard trial mishap, BC Attorney General Geoff Plant has said that the current criminal jury system needs fixing, perhaps removing the requirement of unanimity. After New Westminster mayor Wayne Wright et al voted (correctly) against Transportation Minister Kevin Falcon’s fiscally irresponsible RAV line, the balding baby-faced minister called the Translink board—a board that he helped set up and even considered adding three pro-RAV MLAs to, mind you—“irrelevant.” And when hospi- tal workers wanted to exercise their democratic right to strike for fairer wages and more job security, Premier Campbell legis- lated an end to the job action, essentially writing ‘il’ in front of the legal strike. It seems that in this province you can only play with the big boys if you play by their rules and still let them win. After the next election, when the Liberals get turfed, maybe they'll all hold their collective breaths until they get their way (and maybe the province will be cooled by a few degrees with all that hot air being kept in). Hot Enough For Ya? The Lower Mainland was gripped in searing hot sunny weather during the last week of July, a welcome occurrence for those with nothing better to ask of strangers than the aforementioned “Is it hot enough for ya?” Records were set for July 23 in Vancouver (30°C), Abbotsford (36°C), Hope (38°C), and in