issue 9// volume 44 life & style // no. ‘Wi Mirror, mirror, on the wall > Living with body dysmorphic disorder Brittney MacDonald Life & Style Editor don’t think there’s anyone that is 100 per cent pleased with the way they look—and I am no exception. I have struggled with my appearance since I was very young, perhaps even since | entered grade school. I have always had exceedingly bad anxiety, so I suppose that having control over the way I looked was simply a way of ensuring a good first impression, without having to actually talk to someone for the first time. As time passed, | got better at managing my anxiety, but that hyper critical aspect of my personality—with regards to my appearance—never really went away. When I was a young teenager this manifested itself into various eating disorders, as | became almost competitive in my desire to be the thinnest. Nowadays Istill struggle, though, thankfully, I have gained enough perspective to avoid the familiar trap of anorexia and bulimia. I still have times when I think I’m fat, and I get depressed—but these times are then juxtaposed against when I lucidly realize I may have lost too much weight, either because of stress or just not taking care of myself. This also makes me depressed—it’s a pretty fun roller coaster of self-hatred. I first became aware of body dysmorphic disorder about seven to ten years ago when I was listening in on a psych major defend their doctorate thesis. I knew then that what she was explaining was probably closer to what I had than the more common fear of obesity, because it was less about a general fear of public ridicule and judgment, and more-so about a flaw in the sufferer’s perception of reality. The Mayo Clinic, a non-profit group dedicated to medical practice and research, defines body dysmorphic disorder as “a mental disorder in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance—a flaw that, to others, is either minor or not observable. But you may feel so ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations.” Essentially, what it boils down to is that what I see in the mirror and what | think I look like wildly differs from what C C I first became aware of body dysmorphic disorder about seven to ten years ago when I was listening in on a psych major defend their doctorate thesis.” other people see when they look at me. To others I am simply tall and thin—but to myself I am grossly out of proportion. | think I have stomach rolls, while others see an average not- super-flat tummy. You get the idea. The main point is that these perceived flaws often feed into a greater notion of self- doubt and self- hatred that then stop you from fully exploring and taking advantage of various social situations; your insecurities Wardrobe malfunction > How to downsize and de-clutter Brittney MacDonald Life & Style Editor s someone who is facing an impending move, I have become fully aware that I own a lot of crap. One of my biggest hurdles to fully realizing my dream of becoming a big city girl— currently I live in Mission, and I will soon be moving to Vancouver’s Downtown core—is downsizing my current wardrobe. Asa self-proclaimed “frugal fashionista” with a lot of storage space and an ever-changing fashion identity, I have accumulated a lot of clothes over the years. I am also a pack-rat, so it is very rare that I will throw anything out. Unfortunately, I will be moving into a much smaller one-bedroom apartment that I will be sharing with a beautifully fluffy cat and a lovely man whom I adore, and do not wish to drown us all in layer upon layer of knitwear and cotton-poly blends. As I have slowly been working through my closets and deciding what to donate, keep, or throw out, I have come up with a few simple rules to help myself out. Have you worn it in the past year? When I was first looking to organize, I had heard a tip stating that if you haven't worn or used something in the past three months you should probably get rid of it. Though I agree with the sentiment, I don’t think this is the best idea. Clothes can be seasonal, so just because I haven't worn my bathing suit in the past three months doesn’t mean | should get rid of it. I say, go for a year. If you can’t remember wearing that sweater last winter, get rid of it. This is also a great way of ridding yourself of trends or styles you may have either grown out of, or you dont find appealing anymore. I have gone through a lot of style evolutions over the years. Maybe I don’t need that fully mesh top with the dragon on it from my high school goth days, for example. That chic semi-transparent black blouse though? Totally need to keep that (I never said they were vastly different evolutions). This does bring me to my next tip though: Redundancy. Do I really need more than one of these? When downsizing your wardrobe, it’s important to take into account how many pieces are similar to each other. An easy way of deciphering what you can get rid of is to first start with the multiples. I had four black tank tops. Granted, I do wear black tank tops under sweaters or other shirts, but four is excessive. Pick one or two that you like the most, or that fit you the best, and the rest can be donated or thrown out. Does it fit? My weight fluctuates depending on my stress levels, so having a couple of different size options, or clothing that will accommodate that, is important. However, having a lot of clothes youre either too small or too big for is not healthy, and can encourage self- image problems. It’s best if you own clothes that are several sizes too large or too small to just get rid of them. If the clothes have sentimental value, give them to a loved one, or keep them as your guilty pleasure. Just don’t have them in your regular wardrobe to taunt you every time you open your closet. It’s okay to keep something special. Set aside an area of your wardrobe to keep clothing that is special to you. I'm not talking about a cocktail dress or a suit for a special occasion. I mean clothes that have personal meaning. I know I am avery tactile person, and I tend to associate happy memories with objects—this includes clothes. With that in mind, I know I'll want to keep one or two things that I may not wear a lot, but hold sentimental value. That’s okay, just keep it contained and don't start justifying every outfit you've ever worn when something good happened to you. Your wedding dress? Yes. The become all-encompassing. Unfortunately, body dysmorphia is a difficult thing to diagnose, though it is fairly common, especially in people who suffer from pre-existing anxiety—and there really is no treatment for it, other than therapy. For me, I generally try to surround myself with people whose opinions I can trust will be honest, and people who aren't afraid to tell me to snap out of it, or that I’m being an idiot. Other than that, I try and mask my insecurities as much as possible, or I try and wear things that will hide my perceived flaws—this is probably not the healthiest thing to do, but it works for me and allows me to function on anormal level, at least till I can afford—and am ready—to speak toa professional. Illustration by Cara Seccafien Photo by Analyn Cuarto cardigan you wore to prom? Okay. The shoes you wore when you passed your driving test? Maybe not so much. A good way to get around this instinct to hoard things that remind you of happy moments in your life, is to take a little piece of the clothing--such as a button, or a swatch of fabric—and keep that as opposed to keeping the entire garment. This way you still have the physical reminder, without having it take up a lot of space in your closet. Make sure you are prepared for special occasions. Another huge mistake I have noticed with all these de-cluttering tips is when people go overboard. Yes, you are trying to downsize, but you don't want to be wasting money buying new clothes down the road. Don’t just keep all your favourite, most comfortable clothing. You will need some formal wear, and maybe an ugly Christmas sweater or two just so you have all your bases covered. Hopefully these tips help you out in your own downsizing journey. Good luck!