THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY:

HOLLYWOOD EXPERIENCES IDENTITY CRISIS AT THE BOX OFFICE

Ryan Hladun, The Projector (Red River College)

WINNIPEG (CUP)—Hollywood suffered from an
identity crisis in 2004. Tolkien worshippers went back
to their hobbit holes satisfied, and it would still be a
year before the Star Wars flock showed its freckled face
again. It seemed moviegoers didn’t know where to
turn, making“ sleeper hits out of movies like Hero,
Napoleon Dynamite, and National Treasure.

Comic-book adaptations and teen comedies were
among the best-reviewed movies of the year, whereas
epics Troy and Alexander were beat up by the mean ol’
critics. It was definitely a year of the bizarre—with
actors, directors, and audiences alike trying new things.
Here’s a taste of the best and worst of the trends in
movies for 2004.

MOST ASS-KICKING ACTION SCENE
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

 

 

 

 

Hellboy, Blade, Spiderman...Bill Murray? In a fight
between these and any of 2004’s many butt-kickers, it’s
a safe bet as to who would first hit the floor. But when
faced with a gang of machine gun-wielding Filipino
pirates, you only want one man protecting your seafar-
ing vessel: Bill Murray’s Steve Zissou, who, armed with
only a pistol, fights them off to save his crew.

ODDEST SEX SCENE
Team America: World Police

 

What comes to mind when you think of puppet sex? A
pre-adolescent exploring curiosity for the first time
with GI Joe and Barbie, perhaps? Well, ’'m convinced
that’s exactly what Trey Parker and Matt Stone (cre-
ators of South Park) were thinking with the
controversial scene in their Team America: World Police,
where two marionettes passionately embrace—absent

January § 18/2005

of the necessary equipment, of course (the definition
of a “pointless” sex scene).

COOLEST HAIRDO
Tom Cruise in Collateral
If best-actor awards were based on coolness alone,
Tom Cruise would be a shoe-in for his performance in
Collateral. But, unfortunately, he’ll have to settle for best
hair instead, sporting silver locks as the lethal assassin,

 

Vincent.

LAMEST HAIRDO
Colin Farrell in Alexander
Whilst conquering the known world, pleasing his army,

 

and taking a wife, Alexander the Great still had time for
a dye job in between battles (or so director Oliver
Stone would have you believe).

BEST DEATH

David Carradine in Ki// Bill: Volume 2

The five-point palm-exploding heart technique! The
conclusion to Quentin Tarantino’s K7// Bi// films was
movie-going bliss. It was difficult not to hang on every
word exchanged between Uma Thurman’s Bride and

 

David Carradine’s Bill in the final scene. And when the
aforementioned deadly manoeuver was finally used to
cap off the Bride’s revenge, it was a sub-

tle, yet perfectly satisfying end.

WORST ACCENT

Tom Hanks

Tom Hanks is a long way from Forrest
Gump. In three different movies last
yeat—T he Ladykillers;:The Terminal, and
Polar. Express—Hanks attempted an
accent. Each accent distracted from
each movie. But, hey, who cares—it’s
Tom Hanks, right?

MOST RIDICULOUS SUPER-
HERO COSTUME

Catwoman

Okay, so this is just because I had to get
a stab at the debacle that was Catwoman.
For once, the crying on the internet

 

 

was for good reason. Was the costume sexy? Yes. But
for those of us who are over our teenage crushes on
superheroes, it was just unnecessary. The costume was
the least of the film’s worries, however.

HARDEST TITLE TO REMEMBER

External Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Ezernal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind—a delight to watch,
but a nightmare to say. You should be able to say a

 

movie's title three times fast without getting tongue-
tied. Runners-up include Lemony Snicket's A Series of
Unfortunate Events and The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie.
The easiest to remember? Meet the Fockers.

mde