Women t’s a sunny Sunday afternoon. A large brown bird with a bright orange-red beak lands on a branch above the gazebo in Emma Cheng’s backyard. Emma keeps glancing at the bird as she tells her story. en Emma was born, China was at ar with Japan. The political situation as unstable. Her parents were very ctive in the Communist community d therefore they were full of iggression. “The argument I often eard from my parents was what to do and where to go,” Emma said, frowning. Her parents’ separation appened when her mother lost her faith in Communism and decided to bring her children to Taiwan while her usband insisted on going to Northern China. Emma hasn’t seen her father since then. “I now see my mother as an early, fashionable, single mother raising two children on her own, which was ery unusual at that time because the Chinese society looked down at the “defeated” family and avoided socializing with us,” she revealed. Emma’s mother had to be responsi- ble for creating a social life for her two children, so she joften bought movie tickets for them. She cultivated a estern way of thinking early in their childhood. found reading the misery, pain and inhumanity that appeared in all Chinese literature intolerable. When a was only 12, people were suggesting to her mother that she ould ease her burdens by marrying Emma off. However, she determined she wanted Emma to get her educa- tion. Emma learned a lot of courage from her mother, including the courage to take her three kids to the US to live on her own for eight years. While in San Francisco, Emma started helping women through their lives’ difficulties. She became so well- known for this that she now delivers speeches for an immigrant organiza- tion named Success here in Vancouver. “Even while I was in Taiwan, I constantly had women coming to me, seeking solutions for their personal lives, asking me to liberate their pain caused by their husbands. Therefore it’s just natural for me to help the wives here.” Emma helps people understand that “Without spiritual understanding, without a clear mind, and without balancing emotions, we can’t have a healthy life.” When I ask how she has handled hen you should win, if there is a swimming contest, you should win. She read us English bedtime stories, showed us what new civilization is, then scolded and criticized us in an old fashion.” Emma recognizes that elders’ lectures are the only way they know how to act. “When I became.a mother I did the same to my kids, but I was forced to change; luckily enough, I was challenged by my boys’ bringing of new energy for Western education.” About her mother-in-law, Emma says, “She was far too polite; I could not feel at home.” We should filter our cultures and East eets Wes bu Cheru! Chia being a daughter, mother, and daugh- ter-in law, she admits that she had a very bad relationship with her mother. “Although my mother worked hard to create a new era as a Chinese feminist, she was very authoritative and tried to control me the same way her mother controlled her. She wanted me to do whatever she did not finish. She was a pilot and wanted me to be a pilot too.” Emma imitated her mother’s tone: “Tf there is a dancing floor, you should dance; if there is a speech contest, then save the good parts. There is a famous Chinese children’s book called The Twenty- four Stories of the Principle of Filial Piety. It teaches children to be devoted to their parents and be bereaved sons and daughters. In one of the stories, a child loves his parents so much that when they run out of food, he breaks the ice on a frozen-over lake and dives in to catch them a fish. Another story tells about a child who takes off his clothes to distract the mosquitoes who are trying to bite his ENNA's \loice ~by Emma Cheng~ Women's issues are vast and each woman’s liberation is unique. They vary from family to family, culture to culture. Nevertheless, I think there is one common thread. Women’s liberation is an issue of learning the relationship — the relationship with the self and the relationship with others. My mother was a female pilot 65 years ago in China. To my under- standing, she was a liberated woman in her time. As a girl, her feet were bound and she was not supposed to attend school. How- ever, she managed to finish univer- sity, attend air force college, and become a female pilot. Furthermore, due to political differences, she left my father and raised her two young kids as a single mother in underde- veloped Taiwan. Nowadays, I see many female friends are in prisons of different situations, but I also see many have liberated themselves. After having all the women before us, such as my mother, I consider we are still in transition to liberate ourselves at home, at work and in relationships. It seems to me that all kinds of imprisonment, whether small or big, sometimes can be our catalyst for our changes. When there is such a chance, it is our responsibility to take either mental or actual actions. Our free wills are something that even God will not and cannot take away from us. When I was young, I was domi- nated by my mother and also by my teacher. They said their domination was for my own good. They did it without knowing that children need space and freedom too. I rebelled to a certain degree but in vain, and had a miserable childhood. I compro- mised a lot, because I was sorry for my mother’s being alone and _ Striving so hard for us. However, I could not help but hate her for a long time, until I was married and really understood how hard it was for her. But, my brother never needed to compromise because he could tactfully get what he wanted without directly confront- ing our mother. When she was mad at him, he just hid away till she yielded. It is obvious that we need to have good attitude to protect ourselves. Unfortunately, most of us are not smart enough when we are young and naive. Nowadays, women usually have to work because of family income, education and the higher cost of living, and this new task complicates our lifestyle. Men can be threatened by women’s power. Once I encoun- tered by my good friend’s husband, who said he was sorry there are so many “iron ladies” in Taiwanese society and said he had decided not to let their daughter to obtain higher degrees. We had a long debate, and finally he agreed that higher education of women was not at fault, but the individuals’ intrusive attitudes were the problem. If I did not have a sincere, patient manner, he would still believe that education was indeed not so good for women. This experience reminded me that women who are actually real leaders educate today’s society. We just need to use our good skill wisely. Compared to the overall relation between men and women twenty years ago, except in some old strict culture areas, I see there are tremen- dous changes in relation between men and women. Young people live together for years without mar- riages. More men do housework willingly. Women now have choices on their status — single, married, having a boyfriend or none, mo- nogamous, or raising a child without a father. For this reason I see many young woman remaining single and becoming very lonely, and it worries their mothers. Also notice that young people are reluctant to commit themselves to their relation- ships and it creates tensions. I believe this situation will push us to find a better system for our relation- ships in the future. continued following page teach ot for her job Er asa teacher and eadhunis “i eo she would come oe autth Emma back home and prepare tried to teach chil endl sane cry lunch boxes for everyone in Sore eds as haraiscthy the family. Then she would change all 8 E 7 the diapers for her sisters-in-law and work so hard for us, but we have to ian all tie Risse werk sete So Lak eee i cy tsin Chi er alg Whois that capable woman? I would Wereally need to ‘der the : like to get to know that woman and tell a y saad mes castncaiessiet her that she is sacrificing too much.’ My 1 4 ly made my mother-in-law should just forget it. We should my? ; : rised because she was trying to neutralize the Western culture with a ; 6 Eastern or be selective to different ae — Se = values of cultures, otherwise we could Se when lalldtg with — eee women who Per mother-in-law. Its difficult to see sig e negotiation or reconciliation in Chinese Ch ) oe cares S—_ families because we normally deny “My chide tee pire wl oece feel, and mea aa would ike loosing authority. Mother-in- ina [subtle] way. Once she spoke to me: ‘Whose and whose daughter-in-law would get up early and go to the market to buy food. She would come home and make breakfast for the three families (including the old parents, another two brothers’ families and her own). Then she would go to school and laws always say: “I treat my daughter- in-law as my own daughter,” and that’s often a lie. Emma’s story is an enlightenment for many of us. @ Paper Route, College Style. The Other Campus. Press needs a distribution coordinator. Candi- dates must own their own vehicle (insured and drivable...legally), and be willing to pick up and drop off papers at ridiculous hours of the day and/or night. Work involves distributing papers on and off campus, and making sure that racks remained stocked throughout the week. For your troubles, $50 an issue plus gas. If you are a reliable person with a reliable vehicle, we want to talk to you. Call 525-3542, or stop by room 1020, New West The Other Press. Join the conspiracy. | The Other Press March 4, 1997 7