Virgin to Slut continued from page 7 Fuck Buddies: Friend or Foe? It’s the ultimate relationship: talk like chums, laugh like family, drink like mates, shag like minks. It’s world peace and an end to hunger all at once. It’s idealism at its finest, so naturally, it’s bound to fail. Feelings grow where they previously couldn’t; tempers flow when they really shouldn't. It’s a tricky, sticky situation that can only be handled maturely, openly, and honestly. And even then, someone’s bound to go nuts. One of the leading causes for failure is the suspicion of possible feelings. It’s stupid, really. “You care about me? How fabulous!” But it’s never that mature, open, or honest. Other than good ol’ dis- tance, the only real “escape” from the best relationship since bread met sliced, is a new girlfriend. I told one fuck buddy about my new girlfriend, and she was thrilled for me. We celebrated, got drunk, and had great sweaty sex. I don’t know if it’s luck or something else, but I’m still great friends with almost every fuck buddy I’ve ever had because they are too good to let go of, and too fine not to want to indulge in. So indulge, boys and girls. And if it gets weird, tell them to shut up, invent a new girlfriend or boyfriend, and change your number. See? Mature, open, and honest. Cuddling and the Morning After Without a doubt, there are few things finer than a well earned snuggle. That is something you can’t fake. When all your joints and limbs are so loose that you could tie knots in your bodies and still sleep soundly, bring on the cuddle. Tucking my nose into your nape while holding your breasts like they were two scoops of hot buttered rum—I love the spoon. Or you can just rest your tousled head on my shoulder and breathe over my chest while I wiggle my toes against yours—that’s cool too. I’ve even noticed that my snoring has gotten better so as not to ruin the cuddle. At least I think my snoring’s gotten bet- ter. Hasn’t it? There’s a ton of other odds and ends that I’d love to elaborate on, but I hate being stuck in my head. Sex is that one great animal instinct that transcends invention and turns off the brain while turning on everything else. Plus, some things are better when shared rather than spoken of. Sex, Crimes, and Psychiatry continued from page 7 No, the deception illuminates an aberra- tion in psychiatry—that psychiatrists can be easily deceived. Not only can shrinks be wiled by blond sex slayers and everyday malinger- ers, psychiatrists have one of the highest suicide rates—higher than their clients, er...patients—and enrolment in psychia- try as a medical speciality is down. To improve its image, psychiatry is cozying up with neurology, a field that deals with real diseases of the nervous system such as Alzheimer’s disease or autism, and calling itself neuropsychiatry. The American Psychiatric Association (APA) publishes a diagnostic statistical manual (DSM) where it passes off rhetoric as science. APA board psy- chiatrists get together to vote in mental disorders. Sometimes, for cultural or political reasons, they vote out disorders such as homosexuality. However, they regularly turn every day problems into disorders. For example, children who go away to camp no longer get homesick but suffer from separation anxiety disor- der. The number of critics of psychiatry continues to grow. But that’s never been a problem for the APA. At its next vote, it could approve the Cruisian delusional personality disorder. Tom did a lousy job of bringing the issue to the public; he should stick to what he does best—act- ing and falling in love. Love. What does the DSM have to say about love? Not much, but it has dozens of entries under sexual and gen- der identity disorders, specific to Western culture. It omits, for example, genital retraction syndrome—a belief that the genitals are retracting and, when suffered by males, that the penis may disappear causing death. In Southeast Asia, penis panic is called koro and shook yang in Chinese cultures. The DSM-V is in the works for 2012. Like aroused organs, the sex sec- tion will grow—stimulated by all the Internet porn, webcam, blog, and pod- cast activity. When facing writer’s block, the APA simply lumps activity into an unspecified mental disorder. This doesn’t hurt busi- ness, though: when psychiatrists think there is a problem but are too lazy to back it up, they can still bill for it. The Douglas College library stocks two copies of the current version, DSM- IV-TR, for the psychiatric nursing pro- gram. During my two-hour class break, I can be found between the book stacks, skimming the manual or perusing DSM- IV Made Easy: The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis by James Morrison. I’m trying to find an entry for a professional writ- ing student who has nothing better to do with her time than read a dry, 1,000-page psychiatric reference book. So far, I’ve found nothing. In his introduction, however, Morrison reassures those of us left out of the manual: “The fact that the manual omits a disorder doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.” My nothing-better-to-do disorder is waiting to be discovered. That’s a relief. Right Hook continued from page 9 school special, I’d just like to raise a voice of opposition to all this and point out that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin. In a society that demands so much conformity, at a time when teens are all expected to dress, act, and sound exactly alike, it takes a pretty bold kid to assert that, for whatever reason, when it comes to sex, he chooses to wait. Waiting to have sex, be it until marriage or until you can establish a committed, long- term relationship, is a gutsy move. It should also be a proud one. Virgins need to reclaim their pride and overcome a culture of promiscu- ity that is overwhelmingly biased against them. It doesn’t mean becom- ing nauseatingly sanctimonious or arrogantly self-righteous; it means becoming self-confident enough to not be ashamed of a perfectly rea- sonable life choice. The virgin who is able to carry himself with quiet digni- ty and an aura of maturity has the best chance to actually promote posi- tive change amongst his peers. After all, the best role model is always a good example. Editorial Cartoon uand | guess you could say 1 think of the judiciary as being similar to an umpire, Senator.