sey ot errant ee eed yer en ' page6 Hidden in the gathering darkness, Roger Bolen looked down from _ his vantage point above the rebel at the pinpoint of light that was the only clue to the camps existane. Someday...’ he muttered half out loud, ‘‘someday.’’ He whirled about as a branch broke under the weight of somebody beside him. Exacto-knife drawn, he turned to face the menace at hand. ‘‘Roger,’’ a voice hissed from beside him, ‘‘it’s me. You can put down the exacto-knife,’’ said Stewart Woolver- toras he came up even with Bolen’s position. ‘‘What are you doing out here? Joel Hagen and Dave Watson have been standing guard for the past three hours.’’ “Yeah, but they’re probably argu- ing over another serious and weighty entertainment matter and ignoring their guard duty again.”’ ‘“‘That’s true, but they’re the only ones who seem to be able to stay awake all night. You should go and try to get some sleep.”’ ‘| was just thinking about our raid tomorrow. | hope it goes off as planned.’’ “Yeah.’” “Oh well, it probably will. See you in the morning.’’ “‘Good night.’ Dawn broke early, and the rebels broke camp quickly. They had been on the go almost steadily over the previous two w American and Honduran-backed over- , ever since the — THE OTHER PRESS The continuing saga throw that had brought the evil M.F. Hemerik regime to power in a bloody battle. But the rebels had not spent the entire two weeks running. After regrouping in the hills of Burnaby and finding out that former fearless leader Bolen was still in good health, they spent time drilling in the remoteness of Keates Island under the watchful eyes of veteran querilla leader Diane Hebron. New recruits swelled the ranks. Caroline Hardon came all the way back from Montana to lend them the benefit of her experience, and Norah Holtby, spared from infiltration duty on the Thorn also joined up. Old hacks Brian Pharez and Rob Guzyk came by and gave moral support. Even though serious losses had been suffer- ed in skirmishes with the enemy forces,’ morale was high as_ they prepared for the imminent attack on the O.P. office. Stealthily they approached the cav- ernous entrance to the dungeons where the paper was being held prisoner. The Rotgut supporters, not expecting this kind of direct frontal assault, were taken completely by surprise. The attack was also helped along by enemy deserters who were forced to join up at gunpoint. The two. head bad guys, Martin Hemerik and Omar-Shariff Mohammed, were cap- tured in the act of whipping the poor slobs chained to the typesetter and “What shall we do with them?’ cried Kath asked Pat O’ Doherty of his cohort Ross Kelleway,who was holding a captured mobile rocket launcher to Hemerik’s head. ‘“‘Make them do proofreading! !’’ yelled Mark Tener, who was busy running back and forth over a couple of the enemy with his motorcycle. ‘‘Make them do offic clean-up!!’’ Nichols from around the corner - where she was busy taking scalps with an exacto-knife borrowed from Roger. “We've got it!!’’ exclaimed Rhonda Jeschke and Jane Muskens in unison: “‘Make them do typesetting AND copyediting in the dark without any pizza OR softdrinks!!’" “That sounds like a horrible fate, even to a confirmed sadist like me,’’ commented Al Snider, shuddering involuntarily. With that, Dave Stallard picked up one of them under each arm, and with the help of Caroline and Norah quickly had them both chained to the type- setter, where Snapshot the Wonder Kitty kept watch over them and cracked their own whip at them occasionally. : “Well,’’ said Diane, ‘‘that takes care of that. I’d say that, despite the loss of our comrades-in-arms, we have successfully accomplished our object- ive. The paper is back in the hands of those to whom it rightfully belongs.’’ “Yes,’’ agreed Stewart, ‘‘but there is one last thing we have to do...’’ “We now have a_ leadershi ~ vacuum, and since there’s nobody le This is one of the Honduran diers used by the American government in the overthrow of ‘he Other Press newspaper, _ photo by Stars and Striper with enough experience who wants the job, this calls for DRASTIC MEASURES.’’ ““You mean...?”’ “Yes. We now have to...............05. CLONE THE BOARD!!!’’ NEXT WEEK See pigs that fly. Men wih with out brainsanda Production Coordinator whokills 20 people by being honest... Student ward Dr. Cannabis will answer any ques- tions on Lust, Drugs, Booze or any- thing under the full moon. Just drop them off at room 1602. Dear Dr. Cannabis My classes are extremely difficult and require a lot of studying so that it’s not until after two or three that | can relax and go to sleep. Any solutions? Over Studying Dear Over Only two or three? Count yourself lucky. To forget my classes | usually need a dozen drinks before | can pass out. Dear Dr. Cannabis I’m one of those idiot males who let himself get involved in a romantic triangle. My long time girlfriend Carol knows Mary is living with me, but doesn’t know of my secret love for her. I’m terrified that if Carol does find out, she’ll cut Mary down. Mary is my 6 foot tall marijuana plant - Cambodian of course (I only associate with ladies of class). Carol has seen her rival standing in the living room and once suggested that Mary be harvested. When she said this my heart stopped and my throat went dry while poor Mary cried tears of resin. Carol is a wonderful person who even forgave me for voting Socred (I still have guilty nightmares about it), but this is something else again, and | think Mary is feeling a little miffed as she hasn’t spoken one word to me. How can | possibly choose between them? Two Loves Dear Two Hey, you’re no different. Same thing happened to me. Only | let things slide till my girlfriend Sherry got suspicious and my Pot plant (Melanie) grew silent and _ bitter. When Sherry found out, she gave me a> quick kick to the groin and told me to get lost. | hobbled home to Melanie only to find she had committed suicide by smoking herself to death. Don’t blow it like I did, tell Carol and then choose judging by her reaction. Act- ually she sounds pretty much together if she forgave you for voting Socred (You Scum) and hey, who knows? You may get a menage-a-trois going. Dear Dr. Cannabis I’m almost in tears over the loss of my two pet monkeys, Chico and Charo. They both died together just recently | and | can’t bear the thought of not. seeing them anymore. Should | take my dear monkeys to the taxidermist to have them stuffed and mounted? Grieving Dear Grieving Be a bit controversial wouldn't it? Why not just have them stuffed and shaking hands? Tip for the day: Never kick a man when he’s down. He may get up. and now direct from Vatican City its The Pope Tart There has been a lot of good and bad press recently about a certain gentle- man who has been visiting our vast godlesg wilderness. Of course | am speaking of that great propounder of Catholicism, The Pope. No matter what you think of the Roman Catholic Religion, or of John Paul himself, you must admit (if only to yourself) that he is one of the most influential leaders in the world. Catholicism is the world’s most prevalent religion with the greatest diversity of followers, so when the head man speaks, a lot of people listen. This puts him in a potentially dangerous position to succumb to the excesses of power. But John Paul, much to his credit, takes his role with a great respect. It is nice that he can still be awed, as with the Festival of Youth at Montreal’s Olympic Stadium. He is an individual and a security team’s nightmare. It’s fun to watch as he breaks away and goes to greet the masses with security men falling over each other trying to inconspicuously keep the peace. If you discount the religious aspect, you could be dealing with a pop star of ten times the magnitude of Mr. M. Jackson. It’s a scary thought. Is this just a world propaganda tour to garner new recruits? ‘‘See, you too can be one of the great masses. Get saved! We’re turning Catholic now!’’ They parade him in front of the faithful like a museum piece; a relic from the past. ‘“See, he speaks too!’’ The next thing will be Pope dolls that give communion right in your own home. . “Wow, my life wasn’t complete until | got The Official Pope Doll. Ten sermons all in one package. Get yours today!’’ The Pope is a religious leader, NOT a product to be merchandized. Another thing that is equally disgusting is the Popemobile. Couldn’t they get anything more dignified than a bullet-proof pickup truck? And so ends this week’s sermon on crass commercialism. GOOD NIGHT!