May 1998 Page 6

reverend Tom's To
(Or so}

16. Summer starts breathing heavy and thrusting
her hips forward while moaning “Oh baby, yes,
YES!”

15. Women begin thinking about becoming

Baywatch-like in bathing suits, but ironically look

more like David Hasselhoff than Pamela
Anderson.

14. Water sports you remembered from your youth

have been replaced by “Who can pee on the most

parked cars from a moving vehicle.”

13. Sex becomes harder and harder to come by as
the amount of impotence rises relative to blood-

alcohol levels.

12. Parties now involve wet T-shirt contests judged
by the amount of puke brought up. Additional
points given to anyone who can identify the alco-
hol consumed.

II. The college, in its infinite wisdom, decides it’s a
good idea to fill the pool and start the sprinklers
now that there’s no one here to enjoy them.

10. Convertibles with their tops down come out,
proving conclusively that there simply is nothing

 

p Ten
reasons you
know summer's coming

better than the fine PVC

coating of a back seat of a car to
yak into when stumbling home
from a party.

9. Kleenex stock prices go through
the roof as sales soar due to the increasing num-
ber of girls starting to wear sun dresses.

8. You can’t wait to lie naked on the sand at Wreck
Beach.

7, You can’t wait to spend the next six months

pulling sand out of your ass after lying naked on
the sand at Wreck Beach.

6. You really can't wait to spend the next year
spreading aloe on your sun-
burned ass after lying naked on
the sand at Wreck Beach.

5. Bundled socks are staring to
be sold out everywhere as men
start putting on the old Speedo.

4. Your lack of planning means
looking for a summer job at
some ungodly place like Radio
Shack, or working for a geology

graduate student.

3. Camping with male buddies seems like a good
idea until everybody gets drunk, figures out there
are no women, and somebody brings out a Gimp
outfit and starts playing the theme from
Deliverance on a banjo.

2. Sun worshippers come out thinking that skin
cancer looks much more attractive than ordinary
acne.

I. Males begin going topless, giving ideas to
Crayola inventors for the new colour “Fish Belly
White” while simultaneously blinding passers-by
by reflecting the sun off perfectly white surfaces
approximately the size of Ontario.