a

Wi 20

 

 

    
 
   
  

Dig it baby. Dig it!

Submit yo’ worries away to
lastcall_op @ yahoo.ca and see her
advice to you the following week.

Why won’t you let Miss Aikman help —, -
you with yo’ problems, Baby?
Miss Aikman loves ya, Baby. She does.

 

 

 

Last Call

Amanda Aikman, OP Columnist

 

Dear Amanda,
I need your help. I am a 24-year-old first-year student at
Douglas and I’m freaking out!

I had no idea college would be so hard. I feel like
the homework is totally overwhelming me. It’s only one
month into the semester and I’m already falling way
behind, I have no idea how I’m supposed to catch up
and keep caught up as the semester progresses.

I think I’m in way over my head and I need some
advice to stop me from stressing out and dropping out!

—Sarah B.

Dear Sarah,

Waa waa waaaa. School is hard. I have too much
homework, what should I do?

Suck it up, chump. That’s what you should do.

Do you mean to tell me that after only one month
as a student, you’ve already forgotten how shitty life is
in the real world? Well, P've recently returned to the real
world and believe me, it sucks way harder than student
life ever could. So you have to write a few papers,
attend a few pubnights, and wake up before noon three
days a week to sit in a room and listen to someone talk
about poetry. You call that a problem? That’s not a
problem; that’s a luxury.

Would you rather be digging ditches or flipping
burgers? Perhaps, instead of reading textbooks and
recovering from hangovers, you’d prefer to spend every
weekend at the mall selling overpriced denim or frozen
yogurt? Face it; you’ve got it good. I’d gladly trade your
assignment anxiety for my unemployment stress any
day. You see, I’ve been where you are. The difference is,
that I didn’t spend my time whining and taking it for
granted. No maam. I took that student-loan money and
bought myself some fancy new clothes and a round of
tequila for all of my friends. I relished every Saturday
morning that I got to sleep in, the extended Christmas

breaks, and all the days I skipped class to get it started
down at Scruffy’s. I learned some stuff, too; but that’s
another story.

My point is, that just like I’ve been where you are,
you will one day be where I am. And it sucks. So why
bother being miserable now while you’re at school,
when a whole lifetime of misery awaits you after gradu-
ation?

Don’t spend your days stressing over teachers and
homework and blah blah blah. That’s not what college
is for. College is a get-out-of-jail-for-two-years card. A
respite from reality. A last chance for loafers. Once it’s
over, by all means, return to your shitty service-industry
career and cry yourself to sleep on your dirty, lumpy
mattress every night. Until then, don’t bother me with
your “problems.”

But alas, I’m here to help not to judge. So here’s
some advice: try sleeping with your teachers. If that
doesn’t work try sleeping with the smart, ugly kids in
your class; that’s usually good for a free research paper
or two.

Sincerely,
Amanda Aikman
lastcall_op@yahoo.ca