issue 09 / volume 41

Registries for the rest of us

» Things people should have to give you special gifts for

: Hey, it’s been a tough four

humour // 23

 
 

i 23rd Birthday—This is
= = Sharon Miki
-! Humour Editor

M humour

 

L 2 it seems that
everywhere I go (and
by go, I mean Facebook),
someone is getting engaged,
or married, or having a baby.
While I totally celebrate
the accomplishments/
milestones of my friends/
Facebook friends, I am also
seriously jealous of the big,
important thing that comes
along with a significant
milestone like a marriage or
birth: gift registries. So, for
those of us who are unmarried
and childless, I propose the
following life milestones that
should warrant a trip to the
Bay, or Home Outfitters, or
whatever. Just in case, I am
already registered everywhere!
Semester graduation—

: months. Help take the sting

: out of a gruelling semester for
: your loved ones by providing

: them with a new sheet set.

First firing—Being

: fired is a true rite of passage.
: And, since you will then be

: unemployed, you'll totally

: appreciate the new stuff.

Dumping by text—I

actually think that both the

: dumper and dumpee should

: register in the case of this

: modern event. Both of you

: deserve new smartphones,

: because you should smash

: the ones that were used in the
: breakup.

Menarche—You could

: totally register at Claire’s for

: this. After all, you have like 30
: years of pain and bloodshed to
: look forward to—why not get

: some sparkly headbands out

: of it?

: areally special birthday and

: deserves extra recognition.

: It’s like, 21 is the last real fun

: milestone age, and then 22

: is when you think, “Wow,

: it’s been a year since my last

: milestone!” Your 23rd birthday
: is the birthday when you

: realize there’s nothing left to

: look forward to. Register at the
: liquor store.

Selling something on

: Craigslist—Successfully

: selling something on Craigslist
: is totally hard; celebrate by

: having your friends buy you

: more sort-of-useless stuff that
: you will inevitably have to sell
: online ina year or so.

Passing your L test—The

: freedom of the open road isa

: reward in itself, but you should
: also be actually rewarded.

: Maybe a nice gravy boat will

: mark the occasion?

  

Image by Thinkstock

 

TUXEDO

MASK
UIIN'S
VERY

 

By Suva Ni

   

(,

He’s constantly being kidnapped...

 

 

 

| Yeah togally, |

Yeah... Loses be |

Something came up

or jee

__ THEN BAILING - LAST MINUTE! -
\ VIA TEXT (EVEN THOUGH HE’s NOT
_ CURRENTLY KIDNAPPED

 

Then he lets it just ROT, So the
house smells like death.

( See you thecal) |

cant make it