shot came out of Hawaii, buddy had no
intention of stepping down. We became an
international embarrassment because
Campbell couldn’t hold his liquor and drive
straight. If ever there was a time to run like
hell from the po-po, that was it, Gordo.

Campbell is also preying upon our forget-
fulness like George W. preyed upon American
stupidity. Three years of tuition increases
with the abolishment of student grants, the
overriding of health care demands and
strikes, ridiculous corporate tax cuts, the cre-
ation of slaveewages for first-time workers,
off-shore drilling rights, the evaporation of
funding for every last women’s centre in the
province—the list of decisions that ham-
mered every day folks goes on and on. Yet,
suddenly, these warm-and-fuzzy ads came out
promoting the greatness of life in BC with a
flurry of lucrative deals all around the
province, despite Campbell’s staunch repeti-
tion of “economic frugality.’ Suddenly, the
economy is rosy (#1 in growth, according to
www.bcliberals.com), and everyone in BC has
a reason to smile.

Except for all those who lost their shirt in
the first three years.

If you’re a self-centred, all-purpose con-
sumer, by all means, vote for the BC Liberals.

for Carol James
and the NOP

For those taking part in the time-honoured
tradition of voting against a party, Carol
James is your pick. Sure, her only experience
in the capital has consisted of guided tours
through the house and a visit to the wax
museum; sure, the only thing she’s been elect-
ed to is a Greater Victoria school board; sure,
her hairstyle puts women’s rights back a
decade or so; but one thing can certainly be
said for Carol James: she is definitely not
Gordon Campbell.

And that’s what she’s banking on—not
waking up one day to find she’s Gordo and
living a Tom Hanks’ sequel: Big Asshole.
(Though it will take more than a magic genie
in a booth for her to win.)

With no track record to rely on, James has
had to repeat her mantra of “trust me.” Why?
She’s not Gordo, With the announced provin-
cial surplus—coming largely on the backs of
increased tuition fees (Congrats, students!
We’ve provided Gordo with his ammuni-
tion.)—James would freeze tuition, open
more long-term care hospital beds, reduce
wait lists, increase environmental standards,
blah-ba-dee-blah-blah. With no mind for
business, the New Democrats tug on the
heartstrings and offer warm-and-fuzzy feel-
ing alternatives to the Liberals without a real
plan of any kind. The “social conscience”
party offers vague promises without the
wherewithal to run a corner store.

May 11/2005

Do you want to entrust your vote to an
unproven leader with only one returning
MLA and 78 others who would need a map
and detailed directions to find their way to
work if elected? Can election commitments
that are summed up on one page (www.our-
commitments.be.ndp.ca), the majority of
which is taken up by a picture, hold water?

Of course. Because Carole James is defi-
nitely not Gordon Campbell.

Why marry the one you love when you
can endlessly search for all the ones you
don’t?

for Adriane Carr
and the Green Party

In the last election, Carr and the Greens came
awfully darned close to almost winning...a
seat.

On their website (www.greenparty.bc.ca),
you will find a list of principles such as sus-
tainability, grass-roots democracy,
decentralization, non-violence, and ecological
wisdom. How the hell is that ever going to
work? While the Greens are easily the lungs
and heart of British Columbia (the Liberals
are the liver; the NDP the butt end), they
have no mind for ruling a government. In
their big green platform book, their first
answer to the economy (whose debt still
stands at a staggering $37 billion) is energy
conservation. Okay...let’s see where they’re
going with this. Their first commitment
under their first answer is a tax credit
for...double- and triple-pane glass windows?
Are you fucking kidding me? I love the
earth—I’d take a tree to the Motel 6, if only
they’d let me back in—but BC is the third-
largest province in the country, and you’re
going to start me off with double-paned
glass?

Unruly and ignorant cynicism aside, this is
the great fault line of the Green Party. While
BC is the third-largest economy, we’re also
the most beautiful place in the world, so
wouldn’t it be swell if someone in power gave
an endangered bay-breasted warbler’s ass
about the environment? Unfortunately, the
ugliness of reality is that no one gives a crap
about the warbler or the environment. Under
the Green Party principle of sustainability,
the plan is to provide a safe and healthy envi-
ronment for the next seven generations. The
Liberals think they’re ambitious by laying out
a Golden Decade; the New Democrats for
planning out the next nine months. The
Green Party’s failing is its optimism, and
there’s no place for optimism in BC politics.

So, go ahead, hippie—vote Green. And
may aliens smite you with big sticks and build
a super laser in your back yard. Enjoy the
contest, and long live Emperors Kodos and
Kang!

 

www.theotherpress.ca