( Racist bigot completely changes his views after Face- Have an idea for a story? WM humour@theotherpress.ca book argument (¥ Leonardo Dicaprio wins Oscar, quickly loses it (¥ FBI barred from Apple campus’ backdoor And more! Romantic texts and what they really mean > A user’s guide for the complexities behind simple words Chandler Walter Avid Texter W: know things can be complicated, especially when love is involved. That’s why we here at the Other Press felt it would be beneficial to our readers to supply them with this handy guide for text messages, DMs, and even Tinder conversations. Here’s what people REALLY mean when they text you these common messages. U up? This message is a clear example of someone trying to express themselves on the deepest level possible. Many men are afraid to show their emotions, so late at night is the safest time to do so, as you have the cover of darkness. This text is acry for help, even, and is essentially asking the person they are sending it to: “Are you awake right now? I need someone to confide in, to talk to, and to stroke my hair while I weep.” Wyd? OR What you doing? Youre a lucky person if someone texts you this, as it shows that they truly care about you, and are making sure that you are safe and sound. It is also a clear indicator that they find you interesting, smart, and funny, and that they would like to get to know you more as a person. This text is usually followed by a proposition to “hang out” which probably means an extravagant picnic date has been planned, or perhaps a nice walk together. This simple yet elegant message shows that the sender is quite the philosopher, and expects that you are wise and deep enough to join them ona path to enlightenment. To ponder together the great questions of the universe, to discuss at length exactly what the question mark symbolizes: “Why?” Get ready for some late night discussions and mind- expanding realizations! Come over This is the most serious of all the texts covered in this user guide. This is a clear indication that the sender is ready to take things to the next level with you, spiritually and emotionally. Odds are a dinner has been made in your honour, and they want you to meet their parents and extended family. Be sure to come prepared and with your wits about you as there will probably be multiple games of Monopoly and serious conversations about the future of your relationship. Send some pics This flattering text is an acknowledgement that the sender praises your skills as a photographer, and would like to see some of your recent work. Send them the picture of the full moon you took the other week, or the ladybug that landed outside your window. They will surely love those. The worst has happened: I left my phone at home > One man’s diary Chandler Walter Humour Editor 10:04 It happened. The thing we all so terribly dread. A fate so unyielding in its cruelty that we deny the thought of it ever occurring. But it just happened to me. As I stepped onto the 49 bus for my daily commute to school, something felt wrong. Off. As if I had left a finger, or a limb, at home. I had forgotten my phone. The bus doors shut behind me, and the vehicle began to move, but I felt frozen. So many texts left unanswered. So many tweets unread. I tooka seat and found I had nothing at all to look at. So here I sit. 10:06 The man in front of me sneezed. I blessed him. He said thank you. That is the most social interaction I will get out of this half hour of misery. A cold chill is creeping up my spine. I feel the panicked sense of being lost, yet I know exactly where I am, and where I’m going. This is probably what the other side of a black hole feels like. 10:10 I have never been on a longer bus ride in my entire life. | found an elastic band in my pocket and 5a ey played with that for a minute or two, yet it yields simulation nowhere near that of my long- lost phone. I wonder how it is doing. If it misses me too. One day we'll be together again. i L = * - = i—_ ' *- 10:13 I've taken to gazing out the window. I never knew how blue the sky could be, or how lofty the clouds. There are people Image via thinkstock out there, and dogs. I wonder if, because dogs can remember other dogs from their smell, they ever think of their little doggy friends when they’re just sitting at home? Or do their brains even have that level of complexity? 10:17 I have never noticed my hands until now. They look so real— right down to the little creases and wrinkles and hairs. Nimble fingers capable of doing so much, of creating so much. I’ve never truly looked at the backs of my hands until now. It’s like I didn’t know them at all. 10:20 The man who sits in front of me has brown hair, though parts of it are grey. The intricate patterns and complexities of brown brown brown grey brown grey brown. It is beautiful. He is beautiful. The metal of the bus is cool to my touch, and my feet feel warm in my boots. I exist. Though I was never really aware of it. 10:34 This world is amazing.