Last Call Amanda Aikman, OP Columnist Hey, guys. Remember me? I’ve been demoted from the first page to the last page, but that’s cool. I like it back here. For one thing, I get to hang out next to the Sports section. And although I’ve never much gone in for the sporty type, it’s a nice change of pace from my former neighbour, the News section. The News section was so uppity—always wanting to talk politics and current events. Blech. The Sports section, on the other hand, likes to drink domestic beer and beat people up for no apparent reason. It’s way more fun. So, what, exactly am I doing back here? Excellent question. You see, that bastard Colin Miley tried to get rid of me—throwing my prized possessions into the street and laughing as I pressed my face up to the win- dow begging for spare change, scraps of food, or at least some copy to edit. But I don’t give up that easily. No sir. Why should I spend my time looking for bonafide employment in the real world when I could be writing a newspaper column for a college that I no longer attend? And writing it for free, I might add. Why indeed. So here I am. Clinging on to the Other Press with both hands. Take that, Miley. Anyhoo, since I am no longer bound by the con- straints of the editor’s letter, I figured I’d take this opportunity to do what I’m really good at. Telling strangers how to live their lives. Yup, that’s right. You need advice; you’ve come to the right place. True, I’m not a trained therapist, my life experiences are extremely limited, and I have a tendency to judge people—but that doesn’t mean I’m not the perfect person to advise you on all your important life decisions and problems. Especially the dirty ones. Wi 20 So c’mon, people. I wanna know what ails ya. You see, when your life is as perfect as mine, you need to occasionally immerse yourself in the misery of others in order to “keep it real.” Or at least to reinforce the fact that your life is so much more awesome than those who are less fortunate than you. Boy trouble? Girl trouble? Both? Bring it—the juicier the better. Can’t decide what type of handbag works best with your new fall ensembles? Leave it to me—l’ll hook you up. Wondering how many tequila shots it takes before you start seeing sombrero-wearing unicorns doing the Macarena? Believe me—you’ve come to the right place. Whatever your problem, I promise to respond with the sensitivity and professionalism you have come to expect from the Other Press. No, just kidding, I'll be nice. So fire up your computers and spill your guts. But not directly onto your computers—that shit can be hell to clean out of your keyboard, trust me. The answer to your prayers, or at least your emails, awaits at: lastcall_op@yahoo.ca. Students advertise for free! For free student classifieds up ood es 8 || othereditor@yahoo.ca with your _ For Sale ‘name, student number,and = Two 128MB Memory Modules desired section, and put “classi: | 184PIN DDR PC2100 DIMM ine _. With original packages. fied” in the subj A Steal at $45! E-Mail me at ~ email@scottelliott.com. Submit Classifeds to classifieds at othereditor@yahoo.ca [Saw You I saw you, then I lost my glasses. Crap. To my old crushie girl... ?ve seen you walking with your daughter, smoking outside the main cafeteria, in my _ 1980 Honda CB650 parts, $5 and up. Email redcoat1812@hotmail.com. _ BRAND NEW BenQ DW1620 16x DL DVD Writer with 100-spindle _ 16x rated media for a great price of $130. If interested, please contact Andre at acepccanada@gmail.com. 64-bit ready Sempron system w/ 512MB RAM, 160GB e harddrive, & 16X DVD+RW for a ‘ great price of $460. FREE wheel mouse too! If interested, please con- tact Andre at acepccanada@gmail.com. dreams. You got blonde hair and your mad styley. You know who you is. Aww yeahhbhh boyyyy!!! K-Diddy...sorry I called you from Seattle at 3:30am...?’m a mad man...I’d been drinking. But I love you more than all the waves in all the oceans. And I’ll beat people with pillows to prove it. The B. Services Tutor/Proofreader (Ph.D) $25/hour for essays, thesis, etc. 604.837.1016 or editor888@hotmail.com. Professional tutor, writing coach, and - editor can help with English 130, 106, 112, and 109; also Business Communications, reports, letters, and résumés. Quality guaranteed. The Writer’s Touch, www.writerstouch.net 604.437.6069. Vancouver Support group for stut- terers. Every alternate Friday, 7-9pm. Room 4310, New West campus. For more info, contact Mary Rose Labandelo: 604.526.1735 Wanted AVON REPRESENTATIVES NEEDED! Great Earning Potential Start up Materials only $20 Call Crystal at 604.537.9007 www.interavon.ca/crystal.belong OPTions for Sexual Health (formerly Planned Parenthood) is looking for volunteers to assist on the Facts of Life Line, a toll-free, confidential, sexual health information and refer- ral resource line. Call 604.731.4552 ext. 224, or visit www.optionsforsexu- alhealth.com.