Never Say Never to campy

pop

By Sharon Miki

successful release of Justin Bieber’s

3-D documentary masterpiece Never
Say Never—the film made an estimated
» thirty million dollars in its opening
weekend— it seems like an opportune
time to examine some of the most
memorable pop star-fuelled cinematic
triumphs and tragedies.

E the wake of last month’s highly

Never Say Never (2011), Justin Bieber

“Tt’s like, totally, like, a life
changing experience. I, like, cried. I
really will never say ‘never,’ ever again,”
said a tweenish girl sitting behind me
on the bus the other day. Indeed, if box
office sales are any indication, studio
executives will likely never say never to
churn out this kind of low-production-
cost crap. Following Justin through his
2010 My World tour and intercut with
scenes of the young star’s childhood
ambitions and family life, Never Say
Never allows teenage girls to visually-
pleasure themselves to their idol—in
3-D!

Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best
of Both Worlds Concert (2008), Miley
Cyrus

Miley’s attempt currently holds
the record for the top grossing concert-
documentary opening. However—
although I might be biased by the fact
that Miley’s voice makes me want
to have my ears sealed shut with a
Swingline stapler—I feel that this
movie is cheating. Really, poor fictional
Hannah Montana did most of the work in
this one, so it’s not fair to give Miley all

 

 
    

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LeINTON

star movies

the credit. Rating? Best of no worlds.

Glitter (2001), Mariah Carey

While critics and box offices
alike panned Mariah’s millennial
quasi-biographical flick, I consider it
a true tour de force of the campy pop
star movie genre. Set in the sparkling
world of the 1980’s club scene, Mariah
also released the film’s soundtrack
as an accompanying album. With a
nonsensical plot, random murders and
ill-cqnceived mother-daughter drama,
there’s nothing better than a little Glitter
to add some sparkle to a bad day.

Crossroads (2002), Britney Spears

Long before she turned blue for
the Na’vi in Avatar, Zoe Saldana was
accompanying Britney Spears on a cross-
country road trip to filmic obscurity.
While Crossroads highlighted Britney’s
inability to act, it will always be a secret
favourite of mine for introducing me to
my early-twenties theme song, “I’m Not
a Girl, Not Yet a Woman.”

Madonna: Truth or Dare (1991),
Madonna

The documentary-concert style
of this sexy romp around the Material
Girl’s world circa her 1990 Blonde
Ambition tour established the big-screen
template from which Miley and Justin’s
flicks were born. However, in contrast
to the saccharine tween-friendly, heart-
warming marketing of Justin’s effort,
Madonna’s movie features the ultimate
trifecta of good film-going: cone bras,
simulated masturbation and a chagrined
Warren Beatty.

 

 

 

   
    
 

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