ee

Secret Cache of Inappropriate “Family
Circus’ Cartoons Discovered

By “Salty” Liam Britten

NEW YORK, NY—King Features
Syndicated, the company responsible for
publishing such daily comics as Blondie
and Hi and Lois, has recently announced
that they will cease publishing Bil

examined by the NYPD to see if charges
will be laid against author Bil Keane.
However, the police have revealed
a few details about their content.

“The comics are disturbing, and

Keane's Family that’s putting it
on Te. Menger PS
ad potently COMUCS reflect Bil sponers. “Many of
were dheorered — @QME'S RGPG- wi Keane's tortie

The strips were

line Catholic x

Catholic viewpoints

found buried in a subjects such
box in the King’s ° ° ” as masturbation,
archive, and are viewpoints. premarital sex;
believed to have homosexuality, and

been drawn sometime in the late 1970s.
The strips were never published, and it
is unknown why then-editor Bill Yates
did not have the comics destroyed.
“Yates was a huge fan of the

Family Circus, so they may have
been kept for posterity’s sake,” said
current editor Brendan Burford. “Either
that, or he was holding on to them as
evidence for a criminal investigation.”
The cartoons have not been shown

to the press, as they are currently being

abortion. Thereareseveral panels showing
graphic discipline of child character
‘Billy,’ as well as story arcs about a new
neighbour family called ‘Mr. and Mrs.
Hooknose,’ as well as a series on why it
is a sin to report a priest to the police.”

As well, there is evidently strip that
portrays the spirit of the family’s dead
grandfather using his ghostly abilities
to gain illicit access to a woman’s
washroom, and a “follow-the-dotted-
line” panel instructing children on how

 

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on all-night Ketamine-fueled rave on Robson street.

to find adulterers.
Detective Brown
said these strips
may result in
charges being
pressed. However,
while these new
strips may shock,
horrify, and
disappoint long-
time fans of the
strip, Detective
Brown has said
that one thing will
always be true of
Family Circus:
“These strips all
suck bad,” he said.
“They're terrible.
Bill Keane may
have lost his way
morally, but he
always stayed true
to his vision of
crafting a cartoon
that was never
funny even in the
slightest.”

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